Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance

110 replies

NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 17:57

A member of my husbands family just passed away. 99! Great innings. Not a huge estate, but wants to leave each great grandchild £1k. I'm currently 3 months pregnant with my second, and my daughter is a year old. The foetus isn't getting the money and I can see it from both sides. That relative didn't meet (but did know about) the new baby and the estate can't make provisions for every potential but unborn baby obviously.

I want to match the £1k for this baby from my husbands inheritance but my husband doesn't agree. He says just over time things will probably even up and if not, then that's the way the cookie crumbles. He is a very black and white man, and isn't very money orientated. If his siblings had been left money he didn't have, he genuinely wouldn't care. Me and my siblings have always grown up in a very "I want what you've got" attitude and my mum has always been quite greedy. I'd hate for this money to come between my kids but then I'm conscious I want them to grow up in a household with my husbands attitude to money rather than my family's.

So aibu to want to put my husbands £1k inheritance into a bank account for my unborn child because the other one has been left the same amount?

I know there are lots of bigger and more important things to be worried about...

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 05/05/2019 18:56

I was left money. I gave it to someone else. No biggie.

nokidshere · 05/05/2019 18:57

@SunshineCake yes but it was left to you and your choice to give it. That's not the case here.

TessaL23 · 05/05/2019 18:57

I would give them £500 each.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2019 18:59

Can you genuinely not see the difference between giving someone something and them taking it without permission?

Hint: one is stealing.

SunshineCake · 05/05/2019 18:59

Fair enough, nokidshere. I stand corrected and understand it's different.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/05/2019 19:05

I don't see why the executors can't make an adjustment - as long as all the other beneficiaries agree.

My brother did this as executor after my mother died. Besides the main beneficiaries, she'd left a certain sum to all grand- and great-grand children. However she'd made her will at least 10 years previously, before dementia hit her, and before 2 more GG children were born.

My brother (and all of us) knew that her pre dementia self would certainly have wished them all to have the same. It meant slightly less for the main beneficiaries, but we were all perfectly happy with that.

TheInvestigator · 05/05/2019 19:06

You can't split the money. It doesn't belong to you. If you mismanaged it, that's a crime. It's for your first child; you cannot split it in half.

Your only choice is to put aside 1k of your own money or just not bother and hope it all evens out.

cptartapp · 05/05/2019 19:07

I would put £1000 aside for the unborn child also. DS1 had his child trust fund topped up by the government at a certain age. BY the time DS2 reached that age they'd stopped, so DH and I put the equivalent in. It just felt fairer.

FancyAPint · 05/05/2019 19:08

match it, only fair.

BookwormMe2 · 05/05/2019 19:08

I don't think I'm thinking of the money as mine rather than my husbands. It's family money, like all our incomings.

No, it's not family money. It's your DH's left to him by his granddad as stipulated in the will. Let him spend it on what he wants.

bridgetreilly · 05/05/2019 19:09

I don't see why the executors can't make an adjustment - as long as all the other beneficiaries agree.

They can. But in this case they have agreed not to include the unborn child.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2019 19:09

I’m with you op. I think putting in x amount every month is a good way forward.

Original poster
NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 19:10

I'm glad your kids have 5 figures Sunshine cake. Mine aren't going to have anywhere near that. One may have this £1k and the other one nothing potentially. The only money in my childs account £100 is from this same grandparent actually so the older one will have £1100 and the other one zero maybe!

I don't think I'm carrying on being greedy by what I've said throughout this thread, so have your multiple Hmm back Grin

OP posts:
thisisthetime · 05/05/2019 19:11

I think like your dh. That’s just the way it is. Your bump isn’t here yet so isn’t entitled to an inheritance. I don’t think you should make it up over the years. Maybe at the time if they have a great need for the money you could agree to give it then as they ‘missed out’ on this lump of cash but then your other child could also feel as though you should be using your own money to help them as well. Where would it end?

We invest money for our dd’s. The youngest has more than the other even though she’s had 2 years less payments. Hers has been invested better so far. That’s the way it is. I won’t be making it equal, they should be grateful we saved anything for them at all Grin

Nancydrawn · 05/05/2019 19:13

The nice thing is that this isn't a ton of money. Not only can you make it up relatively easily, it also means the interest isn't too ridiculous.

A junior ISA has an interest rate of about 3.25%, so if you leave the money and don't touch it for 16 years, you're only looking at just shy of £1700--not a lot of difference.

I have a very American view on this, but I would put it in a savings account and top it up every month for university. If you put in, say, just £50/month on top of the £1k, in the same ISA, you're looking at over £14k saved in 18 years rather than £1.7k.

This is very easily done with child 2 as well--just do £100/month for the first ~18 months, and then drop down to £50. It'll even out quicker than you know.

(Obviously, adjust these numbers as you can with your finances. £10/month in an ISA still gives £4200 in 16 years. £250/month gives you nearly £65k.)

The key to all these things is saving now rather than saving later, as compound interest (obviously) kicks in higher and higher amounts the earlier you can save. Taking the £50 example, in year 1 you would have earned only about £40 in interest; by year 5 you would have earned about £400 in interest; in year 15, you would have earned over £3200 in interest.

Original poster
NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 19:16

That's really helpful Nancy. Things will be tight with 2 in childcare for the next few years but when we get some free hours and they are in school, I think it's definitely worth looking into. We will have been used to spending a lot on nurseries so £150 a month into savings would be doable.

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 05/05/2019 19:19

The other beneficiaries (DC1) can't agree because they are a minor. The executors can't vary the will without the agreement of whichever beneficiary it might affect.
The DC money will presumably be held in trust by the parents (or by a trustee named in the will) and the trustee cannot give away the money belonging to the beneficiary of a trust.

DH could vary the will to divert his money to DC2, but there's not much point, he can just gift it to them, if he wants to.

So, the £1k goes to DC1, end of story.

The question of whether DH should give his money (which, btw, is not 'family money', it's his) to DC2 is another issue, a moral one really.

I would personally save £1k for DC2 over a few years then when they are equal make savings for both of them equally.

stiffstink · 05/05/2019 19:19

If your unborn child had been conceived at the date of death, they would usually be entitled to the inheritance once born under the principle of en ventre sa mere.

VanGoghsDog · 05/05/2019 19:20

A junior ISA has an interest rate of about 3.25%, so if you leave the money and don't touch it for 16 years, you're only looking at just shy of £1700--not a lot of difference.

Junior ISAs finish at age 18, not 16.

SrSteveOskowski · 05/05/2019 19:21

I knew "All money is family money" would be quoted sooner or later.
It's constantly parroted on here and is an expression that makes me grit my teeth.
The money was left to your DH, not to "DH and his family". It's not 'family money'. It's his inheritance and he's entitled to do whatever he wants with it.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 05/05/2019 19:22

At first I was going to suggest you check there isn't a clause which covers children "in utero", but judging by most posters' reactions that's perhaps not a standard thing to do.

We've had six wills read in our family over the last 9 years and all have included the clause to allow for foetuses at the time of death to inherit an equal sum (at birth, obvs).

So posters saying that unborn babies can't inherit anything are incorrect; the law does provide for this scenario.

TunbridgeWells · 05/05/2019 19:23

YABU It was the deceased wishes and you should do what he wanted.
This sort of thing causes so many problems in families. The only way to avoid ill feeling / dissatisfaction (it has already started) is to accept what your family has been left with grace and respect his wishes.

Nancydrawn · 05/05/2019 19:25

Junior ISAs finish at age 18, not 16.

I was talking about for the eldest daughter, who's one (assumed the money may take some time to process, so I was estimating the savings for a two-year old; as in 18-2=16).

stiffstink · 05/05/2019 19:25

@thefairyfellersmasterstroke fist bump

VanGoghsDog · 05/05/2019 19:28

I was talking about for the eldest daughter, who's one (assumed the money may take some time to process, so I was estimating the savings for a two-year old; as in 18-2=16).

Ah, yes. Think it's still useful for people to know as people assume they finish at 16 as, anomalously, you can start an adult one at 16, so you could have a junior one and an adult one concurrently for two years!

You also said "and don't touch it" - you can't touch it, it's not a choice.