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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that leaving two kids in a separate hotel room is foolhardy at best, negligent at worse

99 replies

stupidis · 05/05/2019 11:29

ExDH has contact with kids (6 and 8) once or twice a year, totally by his choice.

Just too them to Thailand on holiday for 2 weeks. He sent a photo while he was there, among others of kids in a flash resort room, saying they had a room to themselves.

I replied, 'that looks nice, who is staying with them at night?', to which he replied, 'it's an attached room'. Meaning interconnected lockable door. I was a bit hmmmm about that, but didn't say anything.

Evidently much of the holiday was paid for by industry suppliers who he does dodgy dealings with to get him and them more money from his employer. (don't ask, whole other story of his bad ways) and some of their employees were also on the holiday, along with him, his missus, our two kids and his parents.

His parents had left by the time it came to this accommodation.

Now the kids have been home a week and said today in passing about their hotel room that they had to themselves that was ages away from their Dad's and that the neighbouring room was occupied by an accompanying male employee.

That Dad would stay with them to get them to sleep, then leave then in the mornings they would watch TV after they woke up until Dad's wife rang them and told them to get ready for the day and that they would come get them etc.

I am fucking infuriated on all levels - in case of emergency fire/terrorism etc, in case the neighbour is a paedophile, just in case they woke up scared/sick.

Do I just let it go, or do I let him know I know and it is entirely unacceptable and he won't be taking them away again until he can prove that this won't happen or they are old enough (teens) to stay by themselves?

Also, my youngest told his babysitter that his Dad's wife pulled and twisted his ear every time he was naughty........i was already fuming about that, but this takes the shit cake.

OP posts:
Wheresmyvagina · 05/05/2019 11:31

So he left two small children on their own at night and his wife physically assaults them? Yeah, time to put a stop to that

Original poster
stupidis · 05/05/2019 11:31

bad punctuation sorry -
That Dad would stay with them to get them to sleep, then leave for other room, then in the mornings they would watch TV after they woke up until Dad's wife rang them and told them to get ready for the day and that they would come get them etc.

OP posts:
Wheresmyvagina · 05/05/2019 11:32

Once or twice a year? Fuck that. Just stop the contact. He can come and stay near you and visit them daily without his nasty wife if he really wants to see them.

Original poster
stupidis · 05/05/2019 11:32

Vag I will be told i am overreacting and I am a drama queen, but I'm not am I?

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 05/05/2019 11:33

I’d be refusing to let them go on holiday with their dad unless he could absolutely prove that the accommodation was acceptable to you (would be ringing the holiday place to verify his claims).

As for the ear-twisting thing....I don’t know what to say really. It’s unspeakably awful to do such thing. Sad

NuffSaidSam · 05/05/2019 11:34

YANBU

But why did you let them go on the first place?

If he has 'bad ways' and can only be bothered to see them once or twice a year what on earth made you think two weeks in Thailand would be fine?!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/05/2019 11:36

Utterly outrageous.

He shouldn't have them overnight til he realises how bad this is....
Interconnecting door with dad...-Fine
With unknown male. ..major safeguarding issue...
I wouldn't leave kids on their own in a locked hotel room ...let alone one with an interconnected door to uknown male.

I recently stayed in a hotel room in UK on last minute deal.we had an interconnected door...which was locked.I wedgeD a door stop under it as nothing to stop our neighbour popping inConfused

AhhhHereItGoes · 05/05/2019 11:37

That's really foolish.

If they were 12 and 10 and sensible I may well have said it could work out. But certainly no younger.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/05/2019 11:38

We didn't have kids with us...but an unknown person the other side of a door with a key....nah

Lllot5 · 05/05/2019 11:38

Next time you see the new wife twist her fucking ear see how she likes it. And no they would not be going away with their dad again unless you get a say in the accommodation. He sees them twice a year and takes them on a work’s jolly to fucking Thailand. What a prick.

DressyMcDressFace · 05/05/2019 11:38

Wow! Really? So it’s not enough that he sees them once in a blue moon, he can’t be arsed to spend time with them once he does? This guy’s a real winner. Do the kids even like him? I can’t imagine they feel particularly safe to be left on their own and at best, accompanied by a near stranger.

MRex · 05/05/2019 11:40

Why wasn't dad in the adjoining room? I wouldn't allow him to have overnights unless he understands what's needed in looking after young children TBH. How are his parents, can they help mediate so that he understands the risks he took?

gingerbiscuits · 05/05/2019 11:41

Not only would I NEVER let him have them again, I would report him/them & take it as far as I could. That's blatant neglect & if the ear pulling is true, abuse.

Durgasarrow · 05/05/2019 11:42

oh nononono

ILoveMaxiBondi · 05/05/2019 11:43

My kids wouldn’t be holidaying with anyone they saw twice a year for starters!! Why did you allow that? They don’t know someone they see twice a year well enough to be going away for extended periods of time with them.

That aside. He is clearly thick as shit and his wife is abusive so that would be the end of unsupervised contact.

MRex · 05/05/2019 11:44

I'm not sure what to say about the new wife really, just put in writing to him that it's physical abuse and unacceptable, so you don't want the children aever left alone with her again and he must ensure that his wife does not hurt his children. It's best to put everything in writing really, so that you can be very clear and calm in what you say, so you can make sure you don't miss anything out and also so that if it goes to court you have evidence of how you've tried to deal with several difficult safeguarding issues on his time.

Original poster
stupidis · 05/05/2019 11:44

MRex, his mother is as morally bankrupt as him and hates my guts because I left and broke the naice family facade they all play.

NuffSaidSam, thanks for placing blame on me who otherwise has them 100% of the time and cares for them incredibly well. I 'let' him take them as there are court orders I would be in breach of if I didn't and also because I obviously didn't realise this would be happening and also because I would actually like him and the kids to have some contact. His bad ways are all about money, bribes, business which are common (though in no ways moral) in the world he works and lives in.

OP posts:
Geminijes · 05/05/2019 11:49

I can't believe you allowed your children to go on holiday to Thailand with a man they see only once or twice a year.
Regardless, of any court order the majority of parents wouldn't allow that.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 05/05/2019 11:49

You need to go back to court OP. He has endangered his children and exposed them to abuse. He clearly isn’t fit to have court ordered contact of this nature.

TheCanterburyWhales · 05/05/2019 11:52

Well, you should have established what the arrangements were going to be before they went, but that's bolting stable doors now.
I don't think two children of that age in an adjoining hotel room is a problem in itself, I'd imagine it to be the norm, surely?
Obviously the rest of it is totally unacceptable.

Holidayshopping · 05/05/2019 11:52

I can't believe you allowed your children to go on holiday to Thailand with a man they see only once or twice a year.

This!

What does the court order say?

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/05/2019 11:54

No don’t let it go. In the event of a fire or similar, the children would have been too scared to go out and been burned alive. (Sorry to be so graphic) Amass as much evidence as you can and speak to a solicitor. Your poor babies. They must have been so frightened. 😢

TheCanterburyWhales · 05/05/2019 11:56

(presume also if the potential paedophile colleague had a key his side of the door, then so did the children's side. That's how adjoining hotel rooms, and doors in general, work...)

Original poster
stupidis · 05/05/2019 11:56

Wow, thanks for flipping the tables of blame on me for abiding by a legal agreement! Obviously I was given a made up itinerary that never actually happened and that the fact his parents were going - I thought that between 4 adults they could combine to be one responsible entity.

OP posts:
Imaginethat456 · 05/05/2019 11:57

YANBU - not over reacting, not a doubt about it. I wouldn’t let it go. I’d have a calm conversation where you tell him about your worries about the children’s safety and that he lied to you about their sleeping arrangements... which now means no more holidays for him with the kids until they are old enough for you to feel comfortable about the whole thing. And the ear twisting, just awful! He to make that stop and protect his kids...