To think that leaving two kids in a separate hotel room is foolhardy at best, negligent at worse

[stupidis]

ExDH has contact with kids (6 and 8) once or twice a year, totally by his choice.

Just too them to Thailand on holiday for 2 weeks. He sent a photo while he was there, among others of kids in a flash resort room, saying they had a room to themselves.

I replied, 'that looks nice, who is staying with them at night?', to which he replied, 'it's an attached room'. Meaning interconnected lockable door. I was a bit hmmmm about that, but didn't say anything.

Evidently much of the holiday was paid for by industry suppliers who he does dodgy dealings with to get him and them more money from his employer. (don't ask, whole other story of his bad ways) and some of their employees were also on the holiday, along with him, his missus, our two kids and his parents.

His parents had left by the time it came to this accommodation.

Now the kids have been home a week and said today in passing about their hotel room that they had to themselves that was ages away from their Dad's and that the neighbouring room was occupied by an accompanying male employee.

That Dad would stay with them to get them to sleep, then leave then in the mornings they would watch TV after they woke up until Dad's wife rang them and told them to get ready for the day and that they would come get them etc.

I am fucking infuriated on all levels - in case of emergency fire/terrorism etc, in case the neighbour is a paedophile, just in case they woke up scared/sick.

Do I just let it go, or do I let him know I know and it is entirely unacceptable and he won't be taking them away again until he can prove that this won't happen or they are old enough (teens) to stay by themselves?

Also, my youngest told his babysitter that his Dad's wife pulled and twisted his ear every time he was naughty........i was already fuming about that, but this takes the shit cake.

Oh goodness, OP!

Has the babysitter reported the ear pulling conversation? I think that it should be reported, especially as ex has admitted it in writing.

This is not to blame you at all, but I do wonder if the trips abroad were ordered by the court within a context of a more solid relationship. It seems strange for children of that age to be hauled away so far from home with people that they see once or twice a year. In that context, it might be possible to amend the court order. BUT - if taking that step is going to make him enforce more regular contact (which you state up to now he hasn't wanted) then you would have to make a decision about what is in the best interests of the children. It's a tough one! In your position I'd be talking to MARU (or your local equivalent) and see what they recommend.

Interconnecting rooms isn't necessarily an issue though, I wouldn't get hung up on the safety aspect. All it means is there is a door between the two rooms. If there are parents and children in next door rooms, then the staff unlock the door. Otherwise, it stays locked. You can't unlock it and get through into the next door room. It's no less safe than any other locked door in a hotel.

But I wouldn't be very happy with the rest of the stuff you've mentioned.

Exactly Sandy, in the same way I have gone off about what they said he has done. Which he has. I am still mystified about what I am threatening him with and what legal issues he will happily pursue. God I am glad he isn't a major part of our lives!!

@ILovemaxi No, they don’t actually. The right to access belongs to the child. So the court order is worthless is it ? So it's pointless any parent going to court, is it?

I do read some shite on here.

I love maxi

Not by me. Like i said, my children wouldn’t be going anywhere with someone they saw twice a year

Good luck with that one. Who will take care of the kids when you are up for Contempt of Court?

donkey, 'parents' being the operative word. He wasn't next door.

Why is OP getting the blame on this thread for something her ex husband did? OP: please get a good solicitor and get back to court to restrict your exes access to the UK

Op - what citizenship to the children have? can you go back to court (here) ?

TBH all these vague references to nationalities does muddy the water. We're all going to comment as though you, he and the children are British nationals, but you very well may not be.

I think what donkey meant is with the interconnecting door locked this was no less safe than the children being in any other hotel room. Which is bad. But their room being interconnected to someone else isn't of itself an issue.

Yeah I'd be reporting the smacking etc and getting some legal advice. I'd go back to court if necessary. Do you keep a record of all contact?

Your ex has done you a big favour with that email, confirmed physical abuse and neglect by leaving overnight unattended in a foreign hotel room. What an arsehole of a man.

That's what you call a slam dunk.

No more unsupervised contact. Let him go back to court if he wants to, he has no leg to stand on. Get copies of all communication to your solicitor so everything is on record.

If he has other children you may be should consider letting social services know your concerns.

Do pay attention to the fact that now that you know this is the score you will presumably be remiss if you ignore any of this and let him have unsupervised access again. You can't undo what is done.

Any further communication can be addressed to your solicitor and it seems worth the fees to have your solicitor write to him and tell him that. Whatever you do don't get into tit for tat emailing, just cut him off right there. Legal route only now. Supervised visits only. He has shown himself to be a danger to the children and they are not safe with him, you have the proof in his own words. Don't argue just parent. Disengage!

But unless smacking is illegal in that country what will going to court achieve?

Don't get me wrong the guy sounds like a total douche but it's no good us advising OP based on what we think should morally happen rather than what would stand in a court of law.

I think it's where you said it would be a minor misdemeanour...and that's where he has interpreted it as a threat.

His response is so defensive.

I can't imagine my kids saying they thought u hated them and my response is to smack them.

I'd be seeking legal advice on whether his written admissions can be used.

I'd also respond to the stuff he alleges the kids have said about being hit and left alone on weekends. It's obvious he's lying about that and has done it out of being defensive.

Based on him abd ex wife hitting them... I wouldn't be letting him take them again.

From your use of the word misdemeanour, it seems you're not from the UK...so check the safeguarding laws in your home country.

Good luck with dealing with such an idiot if an Ex.

Can you start a legal case in your home country to overturn/overrule the one currently in place? Obviously this is all completely unacceptable and can’t be allowed to continue. They don’t sound fit to be responsible for children unsupervised.

@ScottishDoll is quite correct. Engage only through a solicitor now. The solicitor can also clarify to him any points from the email that you want to dispute, though "hey look you're a shit parent too" doesn't read well.

I think the first thing any solicitor would acknowledge was that if any of what he's alleged has happened with you (except the pets thing) is true, then him choosing to not raise any concern over it until you raised concerns with him is a) pretty negligent and b) highly suspicious. It doesn't really show him having their best interests at heart.

You really need to get a solicitor on board now, especially in light of his confessions. Not only has he admitted physically punishing them, but that he's fine with his OH also doing it.

All 4 of us have the same citizenship, though not British, and me and the kids reside in our citizenship country. He can never be a citizen of where he resides and new wife is Somalian. (I am not trying to be disingenuous, just don't want to identify more than i have)

She is pregnant with twins (their first children) and I am actually wondering if he will just use this as a way to completely start again and have no contact with the kids.

I can see now that he probably saw the threat when I mentioned misdemeanour, but I meant it in the way that showed that our eldest is 4 years younger than what the law considers safe to leave alone - to show I am not just being a pearl clutcher.

Thank you all, I am not responding to his email which will make him seethe, and will contact my solicitor on Tuesday. Thanks again.

Yeah and I have definitely not done any of the things he's said. My grocery bills can attest to that they get more than yoghurt for dinner!!!

Good idea not to respond - his internal radio is set to transmit rather than receive so nothing you say will persuade him so no point engaging in tit for tat.

Good luck with solicitor.

Good luck with that one. Who will take care of the kids when you are up for Contempt of Court?

I would be in court before it got to the point of holidays showing that no relationship had been established by the father due to lack of contact on his part. It is not reasonable to order children to spend two weeks alone with a virtual stranger. That does not benefit children.

Also. My parents, sister, family would look after the children should I be held in contempt of court.

Good luck with the solicitor.

No, you're misunderstanding what I mean - I meant that I've stayed dozens of times in a hotel where there is a door to the next door room where there is a complete stranger staying. And the door is firmly locked by the staff, neither of the people in the rooms can open it.

So in your scenario, although it's wrong that their father left them in a room on their own, they were in no danger from the interconnecting room as the door should have been locked. If it wasn't that's another matter!

mycat i love that 'his internal radio is set to transmit rather than receive so nothing you say will persuade him' - I am remembering that. His radio is also powered by his bullshit generator.

donkey - it wasn't - because that person was the delegated carer as such. It was closed but not locked.......