To think that leaving two kids in a separate hotel room is foolhardy at best, negligent at worse

[stupidis]

ExDH has contact with kids (6 and 8) once or twice a year, totally by his choice.

Just too them to Thailand on holiday for 2 weeks. He sent a photo while he was there, among others of kids in a flash resort room, saying they had a room to themselves.

I replied, 'that looks nice, who is staying with them at night?', to which he replied, 'it's an attached room'. Meaning interconnected lockable door. I was a bit hmmmm about that, but didn't say anything.

Evidently much of the holiday was paid for by industry suppliers who he does dodgy dealings with to get him and them more money from his employer. (don't ask, whole other story of his bad ways) and some of their employees were also on the holiday, along with him, his missus, our two kids and his parents.

His parents had left by the time it came to this accommodation.

Now the kids have been home a week and said today in passing about their hotel room that they had to themselves that was ages away from their Dad's and that the neighbouring room was occupied by an accompanying male employee.

That Dad would stay with them to get them to sleep, then leave then in the mornings they would watch TV after they woke up until Dad's wife rang them and told them to get ready for the day and that they would come get them etc.

I am fucking infuriated on all levels - in case of emergency fire/terrorism etc, in case the neighbour is a paedophile, just in case they woke up scared/sick.

Do I just let it go, or do I let him know I know and it is entirely unacceptable and he won't be taking them away again until he can prove that this won't happen or they are old enough (teens) to stay by themselves?

Also, my youngest told his babysitter that his Dad's wife pulled and twisted his ear every time he was naughty........i was already fuming about that, but this takes the shit cake.

Wow, thanks for flipping the tables of blame on me for abiding by a legal agreement!

What is the legal agreement?

Canterbury I know how hotel doors work. I also know that if we ever use a room with one, the door stays wide open the whole time so I can know the kids are safe, as I would have expected their father to do if he actually stayed in adjoining room.

I have experienced being evacuated from a hotel in the middle of the night with the alarms going off.
It is very scary.

Holiday consent orders through the Family Court (Not UK) that lay out that he has the right to take them on holiday.

You do need to check the terms of the court order. It's not a black and white document that means he can take them where he wants, and when, and under what circumstances. Not unless you've agreed to it to be that way.
You should still have right of veto unless you've formally agreed he can do what he wants.

X post.

You need to go back to court then OP. I can’t imagine a judge would support him taking them on a 2 week holiday when he sees them so infrequently.

Does the order also state he has regular contact or was that not dealt with? It seems odd that a court would order you to make young DC available to a man they don’t know to take on holiday.

endoftheline we have too, (including ex) for fire!

It was also during the attacks in Sri Lanks, and I know that that was Sri Lanka specific, but I was happy to get the kids back home and away from large touristy places.

If the interconnecting room to the kids was his work colleagues why didn’t they just swap up front so he was in the interconnecting room with the kids? Makes no sense.

Bondi, yes it does, but how do I force him to contact them?

hopping my guess is that he would have been in a more luxurious room or stand alone villa is what it sounds like from kids. Cos he has always been a pretentious knob.

Did they want to go? I’ve got a 6yo. She still gets nervous about spending one night at her beloved grandmother’s house, and she sees her a couple of times a month and absolutely adores her. But being away from me is still a big deal for her. She’d have been terrified at the thought of 2 weeks in another country with a father she saw twice a year.

You need to let the court know he’s not responsible enough to take them away. Let them know he left them unattended overnight in a foreign country with an unknown male having access to their bedroom. Think Maddy McCann! Also his wife using physical abuse to correct them. Put it all in writing. His contact with them is not beneficial to their well-being. Maybe when they are older the courts can reassess the situation.

ILike - Madeleine McCann was the first thing I thought of!

Cheby - yes, they were excited, they get to travel a lot with me and they enjoy it. I would never make them go if they weren't happy about it.

He hasn't been in our lives since I was pregnant with my youngest, so it's all they know and they just seem to think the intermittent contact is normal, which it is for our particular family.

I know some of the posters on MN seem to regard children as some sort of personal property , but there is no 'letting' the NRP have access, they have the RIGHT to access. The RP isn't Lady Bountiful deciding whether or not this may happen. Some posters need to realise this especially as this NRP has his rights enshrines in a court order. So what some posters may or may not do is largely irrelevant.

Back to the OP - yes you do need to bring it up that you would expect children of that age to be in a suite with the parent , not a (random) colleague down the corridor. So Dad settled them - did the colleague then go out, or did he stay in all night baby sitting? as a previous poster said you have risk with (a) safeguarding (b) fire (c) terrorism (d) wake up.

As for the SM, difficult one. All the 'different country' stuff makes it difficult to know whether she is acting legally or culturally appropriately. The father has the right to parent as he sees fit, in accordance with local laws.

yes it does, but how do I force him to contact them?

You don’t. You use his lack of contact to show the court that he is not fulfilling his obligation to facilitate a relationship with his children and has no real interest in having a relationship with them other than to play happy families when he gets free holidays.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him with them.

You need to go back to court and put all of this before the judge.

I don't think it's good enough to ask him not to leave them alone with his wife etc - he won't comply.

How horrible for them to be away from their main caregiver and then be telephoned to get ready themselves in the morning! As he sees them so infrequently why wasn't he keen to go and wake them in the morning and enjoy that lazy morning time with them?

but there is no 'letting' the NRP have access, they have the RIGHT to access

No, they don’t actually. The right to access belongs to the child.

@stupidis
You’re only to blame if you let them go away with him again.

YANBU.
Posters who are suggesting you are are perhaps not rationally putting themselves really in your situation.
Out of interest does your husband's court arrangement also mention his ongoing contact with the children? It would seem strange to send children who do not otherwise see their father on two week holidays with him and perhaps not be in their best interests. Is he supposed yo we them more frequently but doesn't?

It goes without saying that he should absolutely be expected to either share a room with the children or have an interconnecting room with the door open, or have a 2 room suite. Most hotels refuse to allow children stay in rooms alone for safety and disrution reasons, we have always had to find hotels which offer interconnecting rooms or suites as a result.
You could not have known what he intended to do on his trip in advance, however now t that you do it 8s important to speak to him calmly, without his wife or your new kids.
It will most certainly be an implied term of the order that he has to be properly responsible for your children at all times he us with them. The circumstances described are jot those in which he was acting responsibly. If he is unwilling to discuss this you might have to return to court to get the order 're assessed.
With regard to his wife's behaviour. You need to explain it is not acceptable and please do not do this, once again a return to court might question whether it is wholly beneficial circuit kids yo see their father along the current arrangements.

In short. YANBU. Talk to ex about it, you might have to revisit your legal situation

Where do you live?
Is the court order in your country of residence?
Do you have to abide by this court order?
Does the court order state you have to allow him to take the children out of the country?

What an arsehole wanting a superior room without regard for the safety of his children.

YANBU OP and I totally understand you (from someone with a court order ordering contact with abusive Ex) but in your case I really would take it back to court.

Call social services and report him, get them to take an interview from your kids so it is impartial. Then return to the family court to legally end all contact with him, unless it is supervised.

He has endangered your children in so many ways (from abduction, from abuse, from harming themselves in the room, from potential abuse). He really left an unknown male colleague in charge of them. On top of that they've been physically abused.

It's not an overreaction, they're still very young at 6 and 8.

I was all for saying you were BU as interconnecting doors are fine (assuming they are left open) until you said he wasn’t the one in the interconnecting room.

Totally not acceptable and I’d be fuming if I was you.