To not go to DNs Birthday?!

[Gracie2906]

Tomo is DNEphews birthday meal. I DO NOT want to go

Dmil will be there and blatantly treats her other GCs differently to my children. I can't bare to sit there whilst she fusses over the others whilst she barely looks in the direction of my children.

The past six months or so have been particularly difficult with her, with the arrival of our new baby she was told in no uncertain terms that the first person to meet DD would be our DS, she took this news badly when I was in labour and left the hospital in tears despite being aware of it all along our pregnancy

The first few days of DDs life she was extremely difficult; refusing to see DD as she wasn't one of the first to see her...

Anyhow, in an odd kind of way we moved forward from that. Until recently, we asked Dmil and Fil to come on summer hols with us; they declined stating they were going to get a last minute cheap deal; fair enough. However two weeks later when SIL booked they booked with her 🙄🙄🙄 talk about being pushed to the side.

DH then asked MIL if she would like to watch DD for an hour at one point last week, no set day or time just when would suit her. She stated no I have the other grandchildren. That was the end of that.

When she visited a few weeks ago for twenty minutes she spent the time here trying to convince us to give her our children's slide for her other grandchildren to save her buying them a £99 slide, how lovely eh?

I recently had fraud on my card, and DH had left his card in his works van which his workmate took him, he rang and asked her to borrow £4 for bread and milk until the following day; she begrudgingly said yes but the following day was hot on the phone to recoup her £4, DH dropped the money off to her and then she proceeded to hand it over to her other grandchildren 🙄🙄 I know it's her money and she can do what she wants with it; but is there any reason for her to be so curt with us in favour of them?

What is her problem? I can't bare to see her at the mo so the thought of going for a meal with her tomo repulses me. I've had tears on a few occasions wondering what's wrong with my perfect babies and why she doesn't want anything to do with them.

DH says he's just biding his time before a massive explosion will ensue at her!

What about your nephew and his parents (DH's sibling?) Is it going to harm relationships there if you don't go? Presumably you have said you are going at some point?

I don't really understand why you asked them to come on hols with you. It was never going to work was it? And telling her that the first person to meet DD would be your DS I find a bit odd, it never occured to me who would be the first person to meet our DD2. I know it's easy to say but people can only make you feel a certain way with your permission.

Well this is the thing.

We haven't confirmed one way or another as to whether we will be attending or not.

DH is taking DN to a premier league football match today as a birthday gift.

DSIL has text me last night saying "any suggestions", im guessing she's asking for suggestions of venue for meal, but, I've just player stupid and replied "for what?".

DSIL and her family never have money to come out for food for our families birthdays, and if it's not that reason they have another excuse. So I don't really feel too bad if we don't go. As we can just use the excuse we are skint as I'm on mat leave, or that it'll be too difficult with DD as she's only 6 months x

Funky, Why would holiday together not work?

Also, each to their own regarding meeting new baby, but, for us it was important it was DS to cement our bond as a family and ensure he didn't feel pushed out.

'I don't really understand why you asked them to come on hols with you. It was never going to work was it? And telling her that the first person to meet DD would be your DS I find a bit odd, it never occured to me who would be the first person to meet our DD2.'

Quite

It's as though you bait the potential problems

I forgot to add, DH has now passed the owness onto me as to whether we attend this meal or not.

He's not bothered either way as he's seeing DN today in any case. And I've made my feelings about attending quite clear. So, I'm swaying in the direction of giving it a miss!

you were being a bit petty not letting her see the newborn imo.
meet her half way

As I say each to their own. But DSon was also in the waiting room with my parents and I didn't want a stampede for the new baby and him being pushed out. As it goes he saw new baby for all of three mins before everyone else come in. 3 mins really wasn't much to ask surely?

You were nbu wrt your son seeing dd first. But why on earth would you want to go on holiday with someone like that?

'I'm sorry but I won't be able to come' should do. Birthday boy is (presumably) a child, not related to you, who won't notice your absence and from what you say I wonder if you're always able to conceal your resentment so perhaps it's best all round that you stay home.

You've aired some disparate complaints there but if all is as you say the MIL isn't someone I'd want to deal with. What really stands out in your post though is that you invited her on holiday with ye. Why?? That makes no sense at all, nor does getting pissy because she'll lbe going with her daughter instead. If you possibly can, accepting that MIL prefers her other offsprings and/or their children to your family and that subjecting your (imperfect, I promise you) children to her displays of favouritism probably wouldn't be good for them anyway.

Some posters are so holier than thou. OP, sounds like your MIL is very difficult and you’ve tried your best to tolerate it. I’d make an excuse, saying that the baby isn’t sleeping well and you’ll see how you feel on the day, then don’t go.
But this is only a temporary fix and it sounds like unless you confront your MIL about her behaviour you’ll be finding ways to avoid her forever. If your DH doesn’t care and your relationship with MIL can’t get any worse, I would just ask her straight up why she seems to favour SIL children and why she doesn’t want to spend time with her DGD. But expect her to act the victim, I know her type all too well.

To be honest I didn't care whether we went with or without her, it's just the blatant fact she's chosen them over us that's hurt. Had she been honest and said sorry we've agreed to go with our DD and her family I think it would of been slightly easier to swallow, as at least she was being upfront and truthful.

But I think DH was trying to encourage her to play an equal interest in our children's lives as the other grandchildren. And felt that perhaps being on holiday together would make her see what she's missing out on.

DH says he's just biding his time before a massive explosion will ensue at her!

Why would he do that? It doesn't sound like the most helpful approach. He could have a calm private word with her, and if you're going on holiday together certainly should do before that. Are you both quietly hoping for a public showdown?

I agree that with this level of tension a holiday doesn't sound like great fun.

Pala, I don't want a public showdown hence the reason I don't want to go tomo, Cos I won't be able to control my tongue, and if I do, my face will definitely say otherwise!

Aren't the other dc not your DH's?

No, they are his sisters children.

Sorry hit post not preview. Meant to say that if you could the unfairness it would make life a lot easier for you. Good luck.

DHs explanation is he's trying to build a well rounded picture, and that he wants to have every answer possible for her when he confronts her, hence the reason her trying to exhaust all avenues of encouraging her to see DC.

I disagree with his approach and wish he would just confront her now, if not a few months ago! 🤔

Flip sake 'accept the unfairness'. Goodbye now.

Toodles

'Dmil will be there and blatantly treats her other GCs differently to my children.'

But your DH isn't the DF of your other dc so technically I guess 'your' other dc aren't their GC?

Do you like your MIL? It's difficult to tell from your posts but it may well be the case if you making it obvious you don't, having your "rules" and then wondering why she seems less interested in your children?

Yes I really do like her, oddly.

I just don't like her treatment if that makes sense. I'd love nothing more than her to be interested and proactive.

Just don't go to the meal. Don't want to spoil DN Birthday. Mil sounds awful but I also don't get how you would ask them to come on holiday. That would be my worst nightmare ( unless you would find them useful for babysitting?)

Of course your DS should be the first to meet his sister. posters on here who say that's wrong are stupid. I personally wouldn't go to any meal where my children are ignored in favour of the other grandchildren.