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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit annoyed

85 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 19:38

Posting here rather than saying what I really feel IRL.

DSDs last came a month ago (we normally have them EOW but DH has had to move further away than the normal 150 miles away and is working some weekends so is a bit sporadic atm).

They are 12 and 14 and after they left I found they had drawn on a windowsill in their bedroom which annoyed me (they aren’t allowed to draw in there for this exact reason).

I told DH and I said he should phone them and address it with them there and then rather than waiting a month and having to “tell them off” when we haven’t seen them for ages.

He didn’t and I reminded him (a few hours after they arrived). They have both denied it (it is impossible to have been anyone else) and DH has just said don’t do it again (they have for for this hence not being allowed to draw in there) and you are not allowed to draw in here anymore (they weren’t anyway!).

I am so annoyed with his lame, shite, guilt parenting Angry

OP posts:
DoomOnTheBroom · 03/05/2019 19:41

Haven't you posted this before? Not only did they draw on the windowsill, they also left sweet papers behind the TV?

He's told them not to do it again and reminded them that they're not allowed to draw in there any more. I'm not sure what else you want him to do.

Singlenotsingle · 03/05/2019 19:42

We'll, it all happened a month ago so it's not exactly on the top of everyone's minds now, is it? ( Only yours!). Was any permanent damage done? Worse things have happened at sea.

PurpleDaisies · 03/05/2019 19:46

They are 12 and 14 and after they left I found they had drawn on a windowsill in their bedroom which annoyed me (they aren’t allowed to draw in there for this exact reason).

12 and 14 year olds don’t normally draw on windowsills. Had they done it before?

CalmdownJanet · 03/05/2019 19:48

Didn't you have a thread about this at the time? It's exactly the same word for word Confused

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 19:49

Lying is not ok.

There should have been a consequence.

And yeah they can do whatever they like in the house as long as there’s a month between visits.

If my nephews or own children had done it there would have been a consequence.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 03/05/2019 20:36

Yeah, but like what?

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 20:37

Like - you don’t watch a film tonight and have popcorn etc until whoever did it owns up.

OP posts:
DoomOnTheBroom · 03/05/2019 20:43

You asked him to raise it with them, he raised it. If you aren't happy about how he dealt with it that's not the children's fault. Have you told him you think he should have come down on them harder than he did?

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 20:45

Yes- and I didn’t say his reaction was their fault Hmm

OP posts:
DoomOnTheBroom · 03/05/2019 20:46

Your posts read like you're annoyed with all three of them - DH and the two DC - because DH didn't tell them off thoroughly enough.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 20:54

I am .. ?

OP posts:
SoyDora · 03/05/2019 20:56

Drawing on a windowsill isn’t normal behaviour for a 14 and 12 year old, my 5 and 3 year olds wouldn’t dream of it. Do they often do things like that?

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 21:02

Yes. They don’t look after anything - but neither does their mum.

We pay for their phones and the amount of phones that have been destroyed and (wrongly I think) replaced is unbelievable.

But I draw the line at the house tbh.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/05/2019 21:03

Yes. They don’t look after anything

But how do you accidentally draw on a windowsill? I don’t get it.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2019 21:05

Yeah, you get in there, get them punished op. Sit back watch and enjoy.

What's wrong with you. Back off. Your aching desire to see them punished is simply odd.

Still18atheart · 03/05/2019 21:05

How much drawing is there? Like a couple of marks or a whole mural

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2019 21:09

I can't believe you waited a month and then reminded him to punish them when they got there, then decided it wasn't good enough and you wanted to see some real punishment doled out.

😱

DoomOnTheBroom · 03/05/2019 21:10

If my nephews or own children had done it there would have been a consequence.

Are you 100% it was them and not your nephews or own children?

Ultimately, it's up to your DH how much of an issue he wants to make this and it's not as if he's completely let it go. He has told them off.

SoyDora · 03/05/2019 21:10

But drawing on a windowsill isn’t not looking after something, it’s wilful destruction. Especially at that age.

DoomOnTheBroom · 03/05/2019 21:10

It's really coming across like you don't like them (or their mother) very much.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/05/2019 21:15

If he’s only seeing them once a month I can see why he doesn’t want to start this weekend off with a ticking off that’ll leave a cloud over the next couple of days.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 21:24

I understand that he didn’t want to “kick off” the weekend telling them off (neither did I).

Which is why I wanted him to call them and deal with it a few days after it happened - he didn’t.

It’s wilful destruction of our home.

If my kids had done it he would have totally overboard ( and no it wasn’t them, two of them have left home and the other is 17, I discovered it while cleaning in preparation for my nephews arrival from abroad).

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/05/2019 21:25

What exactly did they draw?

Why would they “wilfully destroy” your home? It doesn’t sound like they’re very happy with staying with you.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 21:25

I love them very much - no I do not like their mother.

She’s like a child.

We had a phone call today saying that she owes the school £650 for the school bus and can we pay it.

We pay £500 maintenance a month and the women works full time.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/05/2019 21:28

Really dont get the angst. It will wipe off. You and your home doesn't sound very welcoming.