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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel a bit annoyed

85 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 19:38

Posting here rather than saying what I really feel IRL.

DSDs last came a month ago (we normally have them EOW but DH has had to move further away than the normal 150 miles away and is working some weekends so is a bit sporadic atm).

They are 12 and 14 and after they left I found they had drawn on a windowsill in their bedroom which annoyed me (they aren’t allowed to draw in there for this exact reason).

I told DH and I said he should phone them and address it with them there and then rather than waiting a month and having to “tell them off” when we haven’t seen them for ages.

He didn’t and I reminded him (a few hours after they arrived). They have both denied it (it is impossible to have been anyone else) and DH has just said don’t do it again (they have for for this hence not being allowed to draw in there) and you are not allowed to draw in here anymore (they weren’t anyway!).

I am so annoyed with his lame, shite, guilt parenting Angry

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 03/05/2019 21:34

Id be pissed off at that- especially at 12 and 14. Why on earth are they drawing on/getting marks on windowsills at that age?

Also agree that waiting a month to tell them off is pretty pointless. It'll ruin the weekend, they'd probably forgotten about it so it won't have any impact. He should have phoned them and spoken to them at the time.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2019 21:37

Op, what did they draw. What exactly did they draw that after he hadn't seen them for a month you wanted them punished the day they got there.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 21:43

It doesn’t matter what they drew. They drew on a windowsill in our home.

That’s not ok by anyone who is in this home.

I wanted their to be a consequence for being disrespectful - and then lying about.

I didn’t want them punished.

OP posts:
Villageidiots · 03/05/2019 21:45

You sound fun. Plus £500 a month maintenance really isn't that much...

PurpleDaisies · 03/05/2019 21:48

You’re not engaging at all with why they drew on the windowsill. That’s not the behaviour of happy 12 and 14 year olds.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2019 21:50

It was just a mark wasn't it op, an accident.

And what's a consequence if it's not a punishment in this context.

Your behaving horribly to these children aren't you?

BurnedToast · 03/05/2019 21:51

It was a month ago. Move on.

MarthasGinYard · 03/05/2019 21:53

Have you posted about these girls before??

DoomOnTheBroom · 03/05/2019 21:55

You’re not engaging at all with why they drew on the windowsill. That’s not the behaviour of happy 12 and 14 year olds

And they're not allowed to have pens/draw in their room because they'll draw on the windowsill then - shock - that's exactly what they've gone and done. To me that seems like it's been done on purpose, the PG-13 version of "fuck you", so why would they do that?

crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 21:55

It’s so strange why you won’t just say what they drew. I think it’s highly relevant.

DoomOnTheBroom · 03/05/2019 21:56

Unless of course it is just an accidental little mark from normal drawing where they've overshot the paper or pressed too hard in which case it's not been intentional and you're overreacting.

Gazelda · 03/05/2019 21:57

Is there visible damage to the windowsill?

pickleface · 03/05/2019 21:58

I'm usually on the slight defensive when reading step parenting posts but this seems off.

You seem eager to incriminate these girls and we still don't know the level of 'destruction' involved.

And also, no, £500 does not always cover all monthly costs of all teenagers upkeep on all occasions.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 21:59

A load of writing about “furry muffs” signed by the sister who is gay.

Although I think it was the other sister trying to get her into trouble.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/05/2019 22:01

I don't know if I believe you. Because that's writing and not drawing.

But if it's true the answer isn't punishment and something is deeply wrong here, deeply.

Because that's just fucking odd.

Moreisnnogedag · 03/05/2019 22:03

Oh come on share what the marks are. I’m leaning heavily towards slight overshoot/pressure marks rather than anything dramatic.

You sound so peeved about this and its odd to ban teenagers from drawing in their rooms because, y’know, they’re not six. If they’ve graffiti’d then its more understandable but this sounds like you’re really searching for a reason to be pissed at them (or your DH).

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2019 22:10

This has taken one of the sickest turns a thread has taken on here.

It's went from and I quote, *they had drawn on a windowsill in their bedroom which annoyed me (they aren’t allowed to draw in there for this exact reason)/

To they wrote about furry muffs

Yeah because everyone bans their kids from drawing in their rooms in case they write about furry muffs on the window sill.

WTAF is this?

PurpleDaisies · 03/05/2019 22:13

That’s a drip feed.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 22:14

Omg - they have form for drawing on walks furniture etc - not about anything sexual.

This is exactly why I didn’t say what they had drawn as it’s actually irrelevant.

But the person who goaded me to elaborate is now outraged?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 22:15

*walls

OP posts:
DoomOnTheBroom · 03/05/2019 22:18

A load of writing about “furry muffs” signed by the sister who is gay.

Although I think it was the other sister trying to get her into trouble.

You have some serious issues going on here, writing on the windowsill is the least of your worries. This sort of behaviour is communication and they certainly don't need to be punished for that. The fact they're using sexualised terms either for themselves or as a means to get the other into trouble indicates that a serious talk is needed to get to the bottom of why.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 03/05/2019 22:19

I don’t know about anyone else here - maybe I am in the twilight zone - I am not keen on anyone in the house over the age of about 2 drawing on anything other than paper, the patio, or a colouring book.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/05/2019 22:19

I'm out. I'm not buying this for a second. If that's what they had done you'd have written a very different op. And if that is what they had down then handling it would be about understanding it. Not just don't do that again from your husband.

Whatever you're doing here it's sick.

DontVisitMe · 03/05/2019 22:23

The patio?

Tbh, I can't believe two teenagers can't draw in their own bedroom. How ridiculous Grin

crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 22:23

Ok but there’s a difference between “drawing on” and scribbling profane, sexual language on. A huge difference.