Yet another wedding thread!

[MissB83]

This is probably very outing but I'm past caring!!

Some months ago I agreed to be a bridesmaid to a friend, whom we shall call Bridezilla. I was surprised to be asked to be honest, partly as we weren't amazingly close but also as I'm a single mum to a (now 14 month old) little boy. Also I recently moved away from my previous address, about 80 miles (and from the site of the wedding). We are living with my parents at the moment as I'm waiting to move into a new house, so it's a difficult time.

The wedding is this weekend. There have been a few issues!:

the wedding is (now) 80 miles away from us so I have to bring my son and my mum down to London for two nights (my son can't sleep without me and I'm expected to be there for 9am on the wedding day and obviously until late afterwards). Even a budget hotel is costing £400 + food expenses. Originally Bridezilla offered for her dad to pay a contribution of £100 towards the hotel. Having sent bank details today for this she suddenly decides that she doesn't want to pay the money because it will be going to my mum who paid for the hotel up front as I had no ready cash (did I mention I just bought a house?!)

I didn't go to the hen do, because it was in a different city some way away, and I moved house a couple of days after so it was a very stressful time. This didn't go down very well.

*the wedding itself has been quite lavish but bridesmaids have been bought dresses and having hair done, but no shoes, no cover ups or jackets, no make up. Seems like a strange set of priorities? I've bought myself a cover up to wear and some make up. Another £150.
*
possibly most upsetting, after I agreed to be a bridesmaid it was made clear that my son wouldn't be a welcome guest at the wedding! And he is her godson hence the need to rope in family to help.

AIBU that other people's weddings shouldn't need to be this difficult?!! I wish I'd never said I would do it!

Did you move 80 miles away AFTER you were asked to be bridesmaid? Because, honestly, I don't think the bride should be paying toward your costs to attend. It does seem harsh that you were only told it was a child free wedding after you agreed to be bridesmaid. But frankly, OP, if you couldn't afford to go to this wedding, you should have pulled out ages ago! I appreciate it is a difficult time for you but you should have flagged up these problems with her a long time ago.

I would not have accepted.

Your circumstances dictated that you were too far away to reasonably attend and your responsibilities are for your young child.

krustykittens yes I did move after but she was aware that I planned to move by spring 2019.

Fair comment that I should have been more upfront but I don't understand the rationale of offering money and then un-offering it!

Is the hotel refundable at all? I'm sure you could find a cheaper option. Did you try Travelodge/Airbnb etc?

That said, it's not on that she offered to contribute and then retracted the offer.

I don't think it's weird that she's paid for hair and dresses but not shoes and cover-ups/make up - unless she's specified what shoes/wrap you have to wear I'm guessing she's assumed you already own a pair of shoes and scarf/wrap, and I wouldn't have thought it necessary to buy new make-up.

blackfriars unfortunately it was necessary as I don't wear make up normally!

Then why wear make up on the day?!

loveonthewall because we have been asked to for photos 🙄

I'm not really getting why she is a bride zilla really.

You should have pulled out when you moved if you thought it was going to be too expensive. You would have known them you would need accommodation.

I’ve got to be honest, not a lot of this sounds massively unreasonable.

The only thing I think is the contribution she offered and withdrew.

Most bridesmaids I know paid for their own dress, did their own makeup and paid their own accommodation.

I’d have declined myself as that’s a lot of logistics for a day when you’re not especially close to the bride. And why is someone you’re not close to your child’s godmother?

If the make up is at the brides insistence then you could have pointed out you don't own any, leaving her the choice to buy it for you or have you go make up free.

Yeah, I'm gonna need to hear more about the shoes/wrap/make up thing...

£30 would cover a decent selection of mid-low range makeup.
£10 would more than cover a wrap.
If you're lucky, shoes could be as low as £10, but more like £25 if you were told a particular style.

Why the £150?

Surely your mum and son could've stayed at home as you live with them and they aren't at the wedding?

Child free weddings are totally understandable. She probably think I’d you’d like a break. Can’t you get up early on the wedfinb day and save yourself one night in the hotel? You are only 80miles away. It can’t take you more tha a couple of hours to get there?you could also go hone after the dinner? I assume like most weddings that will be mid afternoon?

And if you're not particularly close why did you make her your sons godmother in the last year?

The only thing that i can see she has done if offer £100 for the hotal and withdrawn it. Was £400 the cheapest ou could find? Seems quite a lot.

redhotchill we are church friends

laurG no unfortunately not. I don't drive, the wedding is on a bank holiday with limited train services and it's about 2.5 hours to get there.

Sorry I don't think she is being particularly bridezilla.

Knowing you were moving it was up to you to either decline or not to bring bridesmaid.

I was bridesmaid for someone and she lives over 100 miles away and likewise she was mine. If neither of us could of afforded to stay we would have declined being part of the wedding party.

I really don't know how you have managed to spend £150 on a wrap and make up?! If you don't wear make up anyway then you could have refused or just bought a set that has eyeshadows and blushers then bought a mascara and lipstick. Many make up brands give some or all of these products away if you buy two items so you could have only spent £20 - or bought primark make up for even less.

Do you really need a cover up? I know the weather is a bit bad now but for a May wedding I wouldn't have bothered.

I agree with others, offering you £100 towards accommodation then back tracking is pretty low.

Are you sure your son at 14 months couldn't have spent one day and night away from you? You could have got an early train or drive down ok morning of the wedding and then only paid for your room for one night.

pinkprincess no, my son co sleeps and breastfeeds through the night, we have never spent a night apart so it would be a lot to put on my mum.

I want to have sympathy for you OP but I’m struggling.

It sucks that your DS wasn’t invited - but you knew this! It sucks that she said she would contribute to the hotel but then didn’t- I’m not sure she should have contributed though 🤔

Everything else just sounds like you regretting having said yes and not really wanting to do it anymore.

You say youre not close 🤔 but she’s your sons god mother??
You call her a ‘bridezilla’ but don’t mention any real behaviour worthy of that title.

Also, make up is a HUGE waste of money for weddings - £60pp to dab on the basics that every adult woman no doubt has knocking around. If you don’t wear make up then just go without.

🤔 hardly sounds like she’s frogmarched you to boots and made your buy it!

I love a good ‘bridezilla’ thread but you’re just winging that you’ve moved house and can’t really be arsed with it anymore!

Sorry I don't think she is being particularly bridezilla.

Knowing you were moving it was up to you to either decline or not to bring bridesmaid.

I was bridesmaid for someone and she lives over 100 miles away and likewise she was mine. If neither of us could of afforded to stay we would have declined being part of the wedding party.

I really don't know how you have managed to spend £150 on a wrap and make up?! If you don't wear make up anyway then you could have refused or just bought a set that has eyeshadows and blushers then bought a mascara and lipstick. Many make up brands give some or all of these products away if you buy two items so you could have only spent £20 - or bought primark make up for even less.

Do you really need a cover up? I know the weather is a bit bad now but for a May wedding I wouldn't have bothered.

I agree with others, offering you £100 towards accommodation then back tracking is pretty low.

Are you sure your son at 14 months couldn't have spent one day and night away from you? You could have got an early train or drive down ok morning of the wedding and then only paid for your room for one night.

You also say she is your sons God Mother? But you a not that close do supervised she asked you to be bridesmaid 🙄 sorry but being a god mother is way more important than being bridesmaid so I think you established the level of friendship before she did.

Im missing something here completely - why is she your sons godmother if you arent close to her ?

Seriously - just stand down because you cant afford it.