Yet another wedding thread!

[MissB83]

This is probably very outing but I'm past caring!!

Some months ago I agreed to be a bridesmaid to a friend, whom we shall call Bridezilla. I was surprised to be asked to be honest, partly as we weren't amazingly close but also as I'm a single mum to a (now 14 month old) little boy. Also I recently moved away from my previous address, about 80 miles (and from the site of the wedding). We are living with my parents at the moment as I'm waiting to move into a new house, so it's a difficult time.

The wedding is this weekend. There have been a few issues!:

the wedding is (now) 80 miles away from us so I have to bring my son and my mum down to London for two nights (my son can't sleep without me and I'm expected to be there for 9am on the wedding day and obviously until late afterwards). Even a budget hotel is costing £400 + food expenses. Originally Bridezilla offered for her dad to pay a contribution of £100 towards the hotel. Having sent bank details today for this she suddenly decides that she doesn't want to pay the money because it will be going to my mum who paid for the hotel up front as I had no ready cash (did I mention I just bought a house?!)

I didn't go to the hen do, because it was in a different city some way away, and I moved house a couple of days after so it was a very stressful time. This didn't go down very well.

*the wedding itself has been quite lavish but bridesmaids have been bought dresses and having hair done, but no shoes, no cover ups or jackets, no make up. Seems like a strange set of priorities? I've bought myself a cover up to wear and some make up. Another £150.
*
possibly most upsetting, after I agreed to be a bridesmaid it was made clear that my son wouldn't be a welcome guest at the wedding! And he is her godson hence the need to rope in family to help.

AIBU that other people's weddings shouldn't need to be this difficult?!! I wish I'd never said I would do it!

I actually think you were really cheeky accepting the £100 offer in the first place. You can afford a house, whilst the bride’s father is probably involved in paying for this wedding in part. I’d have been embarrassed to send my bank details for payment, I hope I’d come to my senses before then and be mortified that I’d accepted in the first place!

Ah so not a luxury hotel! But I still suspect the bride is annoyed as subsidising your Mum’s room (which is completely unnecessary - even if the plan was for her to babysit, you all could have shared a room if money is tight). I suspect the bride’s comment about the money going to your Mum is what this is about, not about the fact that your Mum loaned you the money. Cancelling it and taking the train is a good plan though, I hope you manage to enjoy the wedding in spite of everything!

Well the central London travelodges are 191 this weekend for Saturday and Sunday night for a family room. Nowhere near 400.

You were cheeky to even consider taking more than half of that from her dad. The fact you were able to catch the train all along probably irritated her. You sound like you've been very awkward.

So in conclusion YABU

Yes I think you’ve been very bridesmaidzilla here and either wilfully awkward or just a bit dim as how to make it work on a budget.

You’re either used to getting everything you’re own way or this has all been a series of unfortunate events.

You're being ridiculous. You could and should have shared a room with your mum if money was tight - I don't blame your friend for not wanting to contribute when you can afford £100 more than it would have cost you to book the one room you needed.

The god part of godmother is meaningful for me!

but the actual meaning and role of a godmother doesn't seem to be!

OP as a PP has said I think it’s more bridemaidzilla. I think the bride sounds completely reasonable and hasn’t asked for anything out of the norm.
Also as another PP has said you chose a godmother who was likely to not have taken upon the role as they should.

Also did you need to book 2 rooms, can’t you and your mother share a bed?

Woah woah woah! You booked 2 rooms when you could have booked a family room? Wow that's cheeky of you to do knowing the brides father was helping you out

You could get an Airbnb in London for 50 quid a night. And she probably did think your mum could look after your baby for a night by now also - one of my bridesmaids came to my destination wedding for a week and left her 8 month old with her OH.

You should have said no, and I can see how it's a pain for you especially if she's not that close a friend but to be honest if I were in her shoes I think I might be thinking you were a CF right now! She shouldn't have backtracked on the financial contribution but you shouldn't have asked, especially as it's because you've just bought a house and not because you're penniless. And the other stuff - spending so much on makeup and a bolero (a white scarf would have cost you a tenner) - all your choice.

Sorry, but I think you are the one who has been unreasonable here. Just make the best of it now, change the accommodation if you still can, and next time say no.

Oh now I get the contribution to your mum issue - a separate room for her?? That really is CF territory, sorry. I'm not surprised she retracted when she realized that was happening - putting that on her poor dad, when he's presumably paying for a lot of the wedding??

A lot of bridesmaids pay their own dresses OP, including when there is a colour scheme (ie always), count yourself lucky and please don't go round giving off the bridezilla vibe and just let her enjoy her day.

I understand why she didn't give you the money, there was no need to book two rooms.

Sorry OP, I agree with the others - the bride really doesn't sound that bad. A lot of things you're moaning about are entirely down to you.

You sound awful shebhasnt done anything wrong

OP I hope you have a good day the trains actually work! Always a nightmare on BH weekends.

However your bride-friend may not have thought that you might be co-sleeping and breast feeding at 14 months, so she might have thought it would be easier for you to leave your son with his GM. If she doesn't have young DC or has brought them up differently she may not have understood or why you needed 2 rooms, train tickets etc.

Why exactly could you not of just had one room when your mum would of been with your son very early till late at night?

Kinda thinking you the cf here op sorry.

You wanted her dad’s money to pay for a separate room for your mum.

You chose to buy a bolero when you were told a scarf/shawl would do.

For some reason you assumed your baby would be invited even though you were bridesmaid and wouldn’t be able to take care of him for at least the service.

You bought, off your own back, expensive make-up.

Yeah, the bride isn’t the unreasonable one.

So you are now going alone just for the day? It's a pity that plan didn't occur to you before today. It would have saved a lot of hassle.

I love a good bridezilla thread . Sadly this is not one

Are you happy for your friend that she’s getting married? Did you think it was touching and kind she asked you to in her wedding party? Do you like her as you asked her to be godmother?

I’m with the majority that you’ve made some odd choices here, massively overspending on things you could have got for about £20 and this business about two rooms.

What’s coming across is some resentment and that you don’t really think much of her and that she’s putting you out. I doubt she thought asking you to be a bridesmaid, paying for your hair and dress, offering to contribute to your room (just YOUR room) was in any way rude, because it’s not. She was also probably disappointed you ducked out of the hen as bridesmaids usually organise or at least attend those.