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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh and wedding ring

81 replies

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:20

Hi all, just posting for some perspective!

Nc :-)

So dh and I have been together 13 years this year. Currently expecting our first baby soon so I am tbh feeling pretty unattractive and generally a bit shitty about myself.

Dh has just been away with work and came back tonight. When he got in he said he wasn't hungry for tea and got straight into bed with me. This isn't unusual as I was already in bed as I'm knackered atm! Anyway dh always puts his ring on my side of the bed with mine (I have a dish for them) so I said pass it over. To which he told me he took it off today as he didn't want to damage it while working? I've never heard of him doing that before and it didn't make much sense to me as he doesn't do particularly manual labour? Also his ring is platinum so hardly flimsy!

Aibu to be a bit worried ? For context I know I have low self esteem atm and feel insecure. We haven't been having a lot of sex as I am heavily pregnant and also before that as we were somewhat anxious during this whole pregnancy (previous losses but I know sex doesn't cause those!)

I'm fairly confident he has been away with work rather than anything shady as he sent me a picture last night from where he was working and I can clearly see something in the background telling me the time/date etc (trying not to be outing but basically a clock type thing).

He has been a great dh so far although we have had some issues with him looking at other women online (not contacting them etc just being on their fb) but as far as I'm aware that stopped years ago. He swears he would do nothing to risk losing his family.

Someone please tell me I'm just being ridiculous!

OP posts:

Twizzleegg · 02/05/2019 23:26

Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Just be sure it's back on his finger tomorrow.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 02/05/2019 23:30

You're probably being ridiculous. Do you mean that he hadn't put his wedding ring back on? Did you ask if he often takes his ring off at work but usually puts it on again straight after? I think you need to have a talk about how you are feeling and assess from that if he really is in the same place as you.

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:30

@Twizzleegg I'm trying not to but I'm lying here thinking it over and his excuse makes no sense at all. 🙁🙁🙁

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 02/05/2019 23:31

So where is it?

NoSauce · 02/05/2019 23:31

I’m confused here, does he always take his ring off every night and put it with yours in your dish? But tonight he didn’t?

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:31

@Someoneonlyyouknow I hope I am. He has never taken it off before for work and he doesn't take it off in the house for gardening etc.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2019 23:32

Where does he say his ring is?

recall · 02/05/2019 23:33

I'd be very suspicious

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:33

Sorry if I'm being confusing, he always passes it over for me to put in the dish so he doesn't lose it. Tonight he said he took it off for work and put it in his coat pocket. He then went and got it.

OP posts:

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:34

God I thought I was over this paranoia after the whole photos online thing years ago but clearly I'm not. I hope to god I am wrong because everything is going great for us atm.

OP posts:

NoSauce · 02/05/2019 23:35

That’s a bit weird. Has he been doing something at work that could damage it?

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:37

@NoSauce I don't think so...I'm trying not to out myself but it wasn't hard labour or anything that id think would damage it. I said eh your ring is platinum not paper and he said he didn't want to get it scratched? But I've seen him do things all the time and leave it on. He wears it to work every day?

OP posts:

CaptainCabinets · 02/05/2019 23:38

Maybe slightly missing the point but why do you take them off at night? Not sure what could possibly happen to them whilst you’re asleep?

Anyway, I wouldn’t be very suspicious in the circumstances if he’s used to taking it off for fear of damaging it.

Oohgossip · 02/05/2019 23:38

I’d find that really strange, I’ll be totally honest. I’d definitely be needing more details ie asking him why today’s work has been different to normal, why work would have ruined the ring etc

NoSauce · 02/05/2019 23:39

I would talk to him in your shoes OP, I don’t like sitting on something that’s bothering me. I hope it’s nothing.

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:40

@CaptainCabinets I don't know the answer to that actually we just always have 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think that's what's the most suspicious bit though, I have only seen him take it off at night.

OP posts:

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:40

Won't lie. I am terrified of the answer.

OP posts:

ParadiseInDisguise · 02/05/2019 23:41

If a H wants to cheat, wearing a wedding ring ain’t gonna stop it. There are women out there who would happily sleep with a man who they know full well is married. So him having or not having a ring on the finger means not a lot.

The only person who can prevent your DH cheating is your DH. I got no idea what my H is looking at or has been looking at online as I know I can’t control his faithfulness. If he wants to do it, he will and nobody and nothing is gonna stop him. So it’s a bit of a waste of my energy worrying about it...

You are not in charge of other people’s actions or thoughts. Don’t waste your mental energy trying to control something you can’t. Work on your self-esteem instead, it does come in useful. If you value and respect yourself, other people will be likely to, too.

CaptainCabinets · 02/05/2019 23:43

Okay, so how did he react when you asked him? Was he calm or flustered? Did he tell you straight away why he removed it and where it was?

Honestly, I’d just think he was worried he’d lose it in an unfamiliar place.

OldAndWornOut · 02/05/2019 23:43

I would let it go, but keep a beady eye out..

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:44

@ParadiseInDisguise yes I know :-( a few years back we had a lot of problems (don't want to go into everything but while he didn't cheat he was hardly husband of the year) and it gave me a lot of trust issues. About three years ago I decided I was driving myself mad and I either decided to trust him or I walked away. I decided to trust him and have focussed on that. Now I'm really worried that I may have been stupid enough to believe everything hook line and sinker and now we are a few weeks from having a baby.

OP posts:

Original poster

amibeingparanoidornuts · 02/05/2019 23:45

@CaptainCabinets he was half asleep at first but he sat up as soon as I mentioned it and said about work etc. Then he got it and went straight back to bed. He's currently snoring away 🙄

OP posts:

lovinglifexo · 02/05/2019 23:48

I’m not sure to be honest,

It’s probably the hormones and the insecurity- he likely isn’t cheating. taking ur ring off isn’t indicative of thAt, honestly :) relax and enjoy ur pregnancy

englishdictionary · 02/05/2019 23:49

Why on earth do you take your wedding rings off at night and put them in a dish?

As for him already having removed his, I wouldn't read anything into that.

foreverhanging · 02/05/2019 23:49

Op I'm sure it's nothing x

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