Aibu to get help in morning

[MRSMARMITE3]

So can't tell if I'm being hormonal. Hence this post .
Have a 3 week old baby and a 7 year old. For a few weeks DH is driving 7 year old to school as it's an hour walk for me or a 20 minute drive for him. This is obviously very helpful as getting out of the house with a newborn is a nightmare.
However altho he drives him I still have to get 7 year old up, dressed and breakfast whilst also feeding baby and pumping (baby can't latch so having to pump and express every two hours). DH will get up, shout once up stairs for 7 year old then will go have his breakfast and shower. I've asked him to help and he said "I drive him to school?" I'm bricking it about when he doesn't drive him as I will have to get up even earlier as will need to leave the house extra early

Sooner not so one!

That’s a good idea shouldwe

I would love a cargo bike but they are super expensive and wouldn't get it in our house (last year I did bike to school with DS on back but newborns can't go on bikes till have head control).
Ok so it's a mile there. Part of my problem is I don't like relying on people (including DH) which I think he has got use to. I posted a while ago about I projectile vomited all the way to school and asked if DH would take DS the next day (it was a sickness bug not pregnancy related) and he was really funny about it and said I should just keep DS off school (he wasn't ill tho I was) he did take him in the end tho cos I shouted at him.
In terms of showing no interest in the school he said it's because he doesn't really know them so it's up to me.
I will have words tonight. Want to define what he is actually going to do in the mornings - e.g I think he could feed baby and change her bum whilst I pump. I'm going to say tonight he can help with another night feed as he doesn't have work tomorrow.

A mile isn't that far, it takes my four year old 20-25 mins to walk a mile to nursery and that's all uphill. We do that with my younger son and my baby in the double buggy and it's a lovely walk. My husband has changed his working day since we had our third and starts later so we both get them ready in the morning, I would really struggle to be on time getting them ready by myself. Would your DH not get your son ready in the morning while you sort the baby or vice versa and then you could walk to school but have extra time to get him there because you have had help getting ready?

Hope you can get something sorted. It sounds like you have a plan to start with. Not easy to think of options with baby-brain

Some PPs seem a bit bossy and maybe don't realise that if money is tight things like moving or driving lessons may feel prohibitively expensive, never mind finding childcare to do an intensive course and the costs of running a car, however cheap. I guess it's about priorities as well as compromise.

Breakfast club could be useful if the school has one. Sharing the school run with other families (you would be helping them as well) and the idea that DH drops you all at, or near, school might work?

I don't understand why you chose a school an hours walk away when you can't drive?

Our 1.2 mile walk to school takes my five year old, 8 yr old and I exactly 20 minutes. We have been doing this walk since youngest was 3 and have got it down from half an hour max to now 20 minutes. I appreciate your son might not always like it though but he'll need to speed up.

Buggy board saved my oldests legs when youngest was a baby too! That could be an option for you once out and about with the newborn?

I can't really help with the DH issue as I am unfortunately in a similar position but trying to inch my way out!

DamnSheasaSExyChick

She’s explained that several times already.

I think your only solutions are

Short term, he’ll have to help
Long term, you’ll have to move or learn to drive

Your school situation just doesn't work. Are you saying if you do drop off and pick up it's fours walking a day? Where on earth do you live? Do the council not have to provide transport if you're over a certain distance away?

The husband is a whole different response.

Various issues here:

1. A mile would NOT take an hour each way. I say this as an exceptionally lazy individual who avoids all walking. That’s a 20 min walk max at a very leisurely pace. Pulling your son on a scooter is ridiculous. He’s plenty old enough to walk normally or scoot himself.

1. Your husband is not reasonable in his expectations but reading between the lines it sounds like you have never questioned the dynamic until now.

1. Your husband sounds disengaged from family life.

My husband is far from perfect and nor am
I. I have DS6 & DS1.

I’ve been back at work (3 days a week) for 4 months.

DH does school run and drop off to CM X2 a week. Cooks all meals. Does half bath times, most bedtimes with 6yo (as they’re reading a chapter book which they’re well in to), supervises homework on weekends.

He does half nighttime wake ups as 1yo still doesn’t sleep through.

He wakes up and does the morning with me (makes lunches, gets uniform ready, dresses and changes baby etc, does breakfasts, feeds baby) - we split tasks.

I frequently have 8am meetings so he would do ALL the morning alone those days.

He then texts me to tell me nice highlights of drop off as he’s heading to work.

We both have professional jobs, work reasonable hours etc.

We are BOTH parents. BOTH equally responsible and able and WANT to be. Why anyone would accept less is beyond me.

I’m not bragging - my DH does this without cajoling, begging, sulking etc - he sees it as ‘the deal’ - it’s what you do if you want a happy family life.

Your DH needs a wake up call.

Our school is a mile away. I could walk it in 15 mins and run it quicker. Add children into the mix and it can take much, much longer especially a toddler in the future as PP say. It depends on a lot of things and I can absolutely see how it would take an hour. When I had a school age child and a toddler the walk took 30 mins there and at least 45 mins back (half of it was uphill). It was soul destroying!

Getting one seven year old child ready for school is not a big task...for either of you.

Leave their uniform out the night before. They get dressed when they wake up. Assuming no sn, they don't need anyone to dress them or even guide them.

Stick a bowl on the table and a box of cereal and milk... surely they can do this themselves or with minimal supervision.

Then they brush their teeth.

I don't see how this could be difficult for either of you.

A 7 year old should not be taking an hour to walk a mile to school. But then it is unlikely to be a a 20 minute drive either so I’m confused.

But not impossible with a Pushchair? By the time the baby is out of the Pushchair the boy will be 9/10 and old enough to walk to school on his own presumably? You don't need many driving lessons. Just a willing partner or friend to take you out and teach you the basics and get lots of practice in. Then 2/3 lessons to fine tune it before test.

If you don't have money for a bike/car/lessons it probably is going to take eyou a very long time to save enough to move house for the sake of being a mile closer to school. Unless there are other reasons for the move.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh OP and you have so recently given birth but you seem very defeatest about everything when youve been offered plenty of solutions. Maybe you just need someone to vent to? I hated mornings when my second was a new born too but then my OH did a lot more than yours.

It shouldnt take an hour with a 7 year old at all - not that distance

I think you need to properly look at your morning routine and what is going on

7 Yr old needs to dress himself and walk to school. My o2 dep. 3 yo who stops to hug the trees can do it in under 40 and we HUG ALL THE TREES!!

But yes DH needs to step up

I used to do a 1.4 mile walk walk to school with a baby and a 6 year old , it took about 30 mins each way. However it was a pain especially in bad weather.

I think the biggest issue is the distance to school. Is there no possibility of moving to a closer school?

Or even learning to drive if you don't?

Kindness it's only a mile away and OP has said the closer one is awful. A mile really isn't that far

A mile is not too far at all!

babyshark you aren't entitled to a school bus if you choose to go out of catchment, however as the school is only a mile away I don't think the OP would be entitled to a bus even if in catchment.

However, I am another poster who is struggling to see how it takes an hour to walk 1 mile with a 7 year old. Many schools do The Daily Mile, there is no way they would take an hour out of school to do that.

Get a double buggy a baby jogger will hole the weight of a 7 y o easily
I use mine for a 7 and 9 y o or sometime the baby and one of them
Get him out when near to school if he didn’t want friends to see but at least you can get there quicker