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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to get help in morning

127 replies

MRSMARMITE3 · 02/05/2019 23:09

So can't tell if I'm being hormonal. Hence this post .
Have a 3 week old baby and a 7 year old. For a few weeks DH is driving 7 year old to school as it's an hour walk for me or a 20 minute drive for him. This is obviously very helpful as getting out of the house with a newborn is a nightmare.
However altho he drives him I still have to get 7 year old up, dressed and breakfast whilst also feeding baby and pumping (baby can't latch so having to pump and express every two hours). DH will get up, shout once up stairs for 7 year old then will go have his breakfast and shower. I've asked him to help and he said "I drive him to school?" I'm bricking it about when he doesn't drive him as I will have to get up even earlier as will need to leave the house extra early

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 03/05/2019 07:53

But if you’re on maternity leave how did your spend hours pulling him back and forth to school and still working? This school situation is really odd and tbh I’m not sure it’s all down to your DH not dressing your son in the mornings- it was always going to be pretty impossible wasn’t it?

Widowodiw · 03/05/2019 07:55

I’m astounded you have to pull him on a scooter my kids would arrive half an hour before me walking if they were on scooters. I actually think you need to move closer now in rented accommodation as this situation doesn’t sound fun for anyone.

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2019 07:55

Bloody hell he's 7.evem if he is the size of a 5 yo my 4yo can manage a long walk.

Twice a day, every day and after a busy day at school? In all weathers?

username1724 · 03/05/2019 07:55

I was in the same boat 18 months ago. 7yr gap between mine also. I hadn't realised how much I'd babied my 7yo up until that point. I taught her to get ready herself, now at 8yo I just call her and she sorts herself out, life is much easier. OH was also a lazy shit, but we worked through that too. I stopped shouting at him, instead I just asked as nicely as I could muster for small,specific things. Like 'could you just make a bottle please' and walk away before he could answer. Now he does things without being asked mostly. It was one of the hardest times in my life, but we got through it! We found our feet and now have a good balance. Push him for the little things and the big things will follow.. good luck!

SalemShadow · 03/05/2019 07:58

I think YABVU expecting your child to do that long walk. uber it or bus. walking is not an option

Quartz2208 · 03/05/2019 08:00

This isn’t sustainable though OP a hour walk is miles away and there must be other schools nearer. If you are renting why not look for somewhere nearer
Is your DH work in the same direction

SherlockSays · 03/05/2019 08:01

Presuming your DD goes to the same school, are you going to have to drag her there and back for an hour each way too? That's a lot of years of misery, especially when you then have to go to work in the evening Hmm. Are the kids in bed by the time you go to work or will DH be doing tea/bath/bed?

GPatz · 03/05/2019 08:05

Similar situation with a three week old and two year old DS. DH gets up slightly earlier than previously. If I am BF, he will take DS into bathroom and entertain him whilst having a shower (cue loud singing). They will brush their teeth together and get dressed together. Then DH takes DS downstairs to play, whilst he makes me tea/toast. On a nursery day, DH will drop DS off on his way to work. They are both out the door by 07:15, sometimes without me even leaving the bedroom (whilst feeding).

If the baby is asleep, DH has a bit if a lie in and I will dress DS and make DH coffee whilst making DS breakfast (if not a nursery day).

I make DH breakfast/lunch the day before, so he just grabs it from the fridge on the way out.

Once you get into a routine, it's much easier.

Kitsandkids · 03/05/2019 08:10

My school run is about 25 mins walk each way and that’s about my limit. I don’t think I could cope with having to leave the house before 8am to make it to school on time.

When you say the other school is ‘awful’ what do you mean? Is it just the Ofsted report because I don’t think they measure the qualities I class as good. Have you been in to look around? If your child is anything like mine he will very soon start to complain about not living nearer to school and may himself ask to go to the closer school.

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 03/05/2019 08:14

I worked three evenings a week 6-12 so did tea but didn't put DS to bed three times a week. There are not that many Schools near me. There's a river right near my house so have to go round it to get at any if that makes sense (hence it I got the bus to school its two buses). I picked the school cos it's the 2nd nearest. The first is awful (like truly bad). DH has told me when I do the school runs next week he will get up 15 minutes earlier to help. Great. Clearly we need a chat when he's home tonight

OP posts:
Chartreuser · 03/05/2019 08:15

I don't drive but also had to manage getting kids to school. I airfield you are saving for a mortgage but surely learning to drive would be a better use of that money for now? Or either moving school or house? I turned down a school that was at the time better but it would have had the same journey as you with no bus options. That school is now doing worse than the school we cost, so maybe it's worth revisiting closer schools with fresh pair of eyes.

How did you plan for this when you were pregnant too, just getting ds to walk?

outvoid · 03/05/2019 08:16

My school run is half an hour each way and that is more than enough for me. I did do it with newborn DS in tow during the winter months, it wasn’t very fun.

Prioritise driving, it will revolutionise your life.

SignedUpJust4This · 03/05/2019 08:22

He's not getting up 15 mins earlier to 'help'. He's parenting. And when he's home he should be doing 50% of everything. Even more during the newborn phase. I think you need higher expectations OP. Your husband needs to do more, your son needs to do more and not be pulled along like a baby and you really need to learn to drive. Do a 2 week I tensive course and get it done. People don't realise how life changing it is til they do it.

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 03/05/2019 08:24

When I was pregnant I pulled DS. I Clearly have babied him too long!

OP posts:
SouthernComforts · 03/05/2019 08:29

Something has to change in the next couple of years max. The walk might be hard for you but it will be torture with a toddler when the pram goes. You need to learn to drive asap. I'd prioritise that above the mortgage savings.

flitwit99 · 03/05/2019 08:30

Another vote for driving lessons and a cheap second car over mortgage.

Your DH should be doing more but you don't want to be reliant on him by the sounds of things.

snowdrop6 · 03/05/2019 08:39

A bike with a carrier type thing on the back you tow along?( don’t know how well that would work with a newborn ,)
Move near the school?
Learn to drive?
Talk to the school,they would know of any parents near you or passing by your house.you could offer to pay them to collect and drop your Get your dh to start work later family friendly hours ,so he can actually help his family in the morning
Could your mum come and stay?
Sorry op it sounds difficult 💐

ineedaholidaynow · 03/05/2019 08:39

Your DH should have helped with the school run when you were heavily pregnant too, especially as you were working right up to your due date.

DS gets a school bus for his secondary school. Has to be at the bus stop at 7.30, so DH now gets to work slightly earlier as he drops DS at the bus stop on the way in.

I can’t believe he showed no interest in the school your DS was going to.

snowdrop6 · 03/05/2019 08:40

Your son ..that should read

snowdrop6 · 03/05/2019 08:42

Is there a childminder going that way ? You could pay for an hour morning and night ,might be worth looking at if there is one near you who goes that way each day

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 03/05/2019 08:46

How far is it in miles rather than time OP? Time is variable some people walk quickly and others slowly, if you can pull a screen year old whilst pregnant and still get there in 30 minutes I direct it isn't too far for your DS to walk. Your DS is definitely too old to be pulled to school, if he wants to take his scooter he scoots. Can he ride a bike? That might be easier all round.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 03/05/2019 08:47

*seven year old
Suspect not direct

LannieDuck · 03/05/2019 08:49

I would take the view that, now you have a new baby, you have a new child you have to take care of (baby), and he has a new child he has to take care of (7yo). Or you could offer to swap, but I think he'd find it harder to juggle a baby than a child in the mornings.

Home77 · 03/05/2019 08:49

MY DC have always walked nearly a mile up a steep hill in primary- I think it is good for them and keeps us all fit.

I used to push the littlest in a buggy too, it is a good workout, you don't need the gym!

I would just get DH to take eldest to breakfast club for a wee while so he can get to work on time, then gear up to taking both. Leave plenty of time.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 03/05/2019 08:54

Another vote for moving closer to the school. If your ds is in yr2 or 3 then he will have left by the time your dd starts so there will be no sibling link. I would look to do that so one rather than later. In the meantime as an interim measure could your 'd'h give you all a lift. He then wouldn't need to park as close to the school, he wouldn't need to walk ds in so saving time but at the same time you are getting a lift one way and not having to drag ds up a hill. I reckon parking and walking a child into school takes 10-15 minutes around most schools unless your school has a drive and drop option.

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