Hi all.
First time poster here and not a mum (actually a son raised by brilliant women)! I've ghosted on the AIBU posts for a while now and thought this would be the best place to get advice.
My aunt was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer (less than 2 years left to live)! She recently had a stroke and, through the process, we uncovered that she did not have any of her affairs in proper order (will, finances, etc). There was a very intense period of about a week where I was forced to take time off work to help sort out all of these issues at very late notice, as we feared the worst as a result of her stroke.
She is much better now, though still terminal. She has offered to pay for a family trip to the USA to go to Disney World in September. She told our family about this on one day and the next day was asking us to confirm she could book our flights! I work in the kind of job where I can get annual leave at a moments notice and I've only recently had it confirmed, and she is every day pressuring me and my partner to confirm if we can come. It is all very rushed and already there have been lots of mix ups because things are being booked very quickly.
I am very grateful to be invited and I have already said thank you and that she is very generous (we are a big family). On the one hand, I think it's a very irresponsible spending because I know her finances are not in order and she will be leaving behind my Gran who paid for a big chunk of the house they share and will not be financially stable after she is gone. I have parked all of these concerns, though, because at the end of the day it is her money and she can spend it how she wants.
However, she keeps using her illness as a weapon to guilt people into going. My niece is going into reception in September and might miss her first day of school. My aunt keeps saying that she is terminally ill and that the school should make exceptions. I personally think no child should miss their first day of school but this is not my battle to fight.
I recently mentioned that I can not go for the full duration of the holiday (3 weeks long!) and will only be able to make it for 10 days at most because I cannot take such a long stint out of my job. She again tried to make me feel bad and pressure my job to give me more time off because she is terminally ill. I explained I couldn't do this and offered to organise all my own flights and travel myself because I know it's awkward for her.
But recently I was approached by my manager and basically told I would be stupid not to apply for a job that is coming up and that she is confident I would have a very good shot at getting it. It is a very high profile job and something I have had my eye on since I started my career (I am only 24 and feel like this is a vital stage). Unfortunately the job would start on 2nd September and the holiday takes place for the first 3 weeks of September. I spoke to my manager and the team recruiting for the role and, because of the high-profile and high-intensity nature of the role she feels it is unlikely I would be hired if I needed 10 days off right at the start.
I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place! I see my aunt all the time and I love her dearly, but now I dread telling her about this offer. It really is a very rare opportunity. Not quite once in a lifetime but something like it won't arise for a good few years and my career will probably suffer. Not that it matters, but I am the first in my family to go to university and the only one of my siblings who is in a professional job with a promising career. I have worked so hard to push my career forward and I feel heartbroken that I have to make this decision! No money has been spent on me so far for accomodation, flights or any kind of travel.
Would I be unreasonable to say no to the holiday?