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Original poster

DH and mornings

115 replies

Home77 · 02/05/2019 08:23

DH is starting to annoy me in the mornings. He likes to have a bath and then moans he has missed the DCs breakfast and that he only sees them ten minutes a day (he doesn't he sees then evenings as well). Then he moans when we all want to use the bathroom too- saying it is like Piccadilly circus in here. The other moan today was about the coffee. I went and asked him a few weeks back, if he wanted a coffee as he seemed to rush after the bath out the door - but now it is all that I haven't warmed the coffee pot of used the right milk or something. Today he poured it out saying it was cold now Hmm

I usually just make instant for myself and that's Ok so it is a bit of a faff tbh. as doing the kids breakfasts and lunches etc. as well.

I was thinking, actually all this would be solved if he got up earlier to have his bath, then we could have more time in the bathroom and he could make his coffee how he likes it and join us for breakfast. And that he needs to stop moaning and blaming it on me.

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 02/05/2019 10:04

Why can't he make his own coffee? Tell him baths are out of the question unless he gets up earlier or waits till others have finished.
Don't pander to him, his uselessness will only increase.

kateandme · 02/05/2019 10:05

if he does have ocd this is a different matter.
and may also then explain the shame and embaressemnt,not knowing what came over him.become obsessed and needing certain items and doing things in certain way.and espcecially not being able to change his morning routines even if he wants to or sees a problem with it.

and could his dad have had it too.

Floralhousecoat · 02/05/2019 10:06

Why is he having a bath in the morning then complaining when everyone else needs to use the bathroom? And getting upset he doesn't see the kids? He sounds like an attention seeker. Of course he's become like this only after dc, who would have agreed to marry him if he'd been like this before dc?

llangennith · 02/05/2019 10:13

Very convenient he’s having a nice bath whilst you’re rushing round doing everything else.

He's a selfish man using his bath as an avoidance tactic. Much nicer to have a nice long bath in the morning than do everything else that needs to be done.
Stop enabling him! He can sort his own coffee, tea, breakfast, sandwich or whatever.
Remind him you are neither his mother nor his servant: oh, and carry on barging in on his bath time.

Ruru8thestars · 02/05/2019 10:18

A bath? In morning pre school rush?! And bollocks to the coffee after that drama

TokyoSushi · 02/05/2019 10:20

Look he's having a bath, why the fuck are you rushing round making a fancy coffee while he's relaxing? He's only late because he's using his mornings for leisure time not because he's actually busy.

Who has a bath in the morning? It's literally ridiculous. Use the bathroom as you please while he's in, don't make his coffee, don't facilitate him.

This, exactly this. Well said @BlueCornishPixie

Acis · 02/05/2019 10:21

He likes to have a bath and then moans he has missed the DCs breakfast and that he only sees them ten minutes a day

So what does he expect you to do about that? Are you all supposed to sit around hungry till his Lordship deigns to get out of the bath and come in for breakfast, and then be late for school just so that he can see his children for longer?

letsdolunch321 · 02/05/2019 10:23

Stop making his coffee, he is an able bodied man (who is acting like a child)

Unless he gets up earlier tell him baths are out of the question due to getting everybody ready for work/school etc

Also using all the hot water is a joke

bringincrazyback · 02/05/2019 10:25

He's BU but I think he's getting quite clobbering on here. It sounds as though life is getting him down a bit, frankly. Is he normally a 'complainer'? Do you think he could be a bit depressed?

Floralhousecoat · 02/05/2019 10:33

I didn't think someone could possibly play the depression card on this thread, but lo and behold, it's happened.

DarlingNikita · 02/05/2019 10:33

He's a tit. Tell him from now on he's doing the kids' breakfasts and lunches.

And is he a bit thick? Can he not join the dots between having a bath and not seeing the kids enough? And can he not understand the implications of one person hogging the bathroom in a family house? I'd seriously be telling him I was worried about his mental faculties.

Did you mean you were making your older child's sandwich and they were moaning about the mayonnaise? Or you and child were both making your DH's sandwich?
If the former, your 10-year-old can make their own. If the latter, obviously your DH can make his own, unless he's somehow lost the use of an arm.

Bamb00 · 02/05/2019 10:35

My "dh" would be having the coffee pot round the back of his was if he tried to pull this shit on a morning! I'm make sure the coffee was definetely piping hot though...

Bbang · 02/05/2019 10:36

I have a bath every day, but it’s at 9/10pm when the bathroom is unoccupied and free for me to lounge around in a nice bath.

Unless he’s getting up an hour earlier bath in the morning just seems absurd to me! Who has the time? And what about getting ready for school? It literally makes no sense, can’t he have a shower and then have breakfast and coffee with everyone like a normal person?

I’d be telling him to make his own coffee as well if he’s so damn particular, my OH makes a truly shocking cup of tea and cuts the toast weird 🤣 I still thank him for it and eat/drink it I wouldn’t sit there complaining and moaning ffs.

He can be making the lunches before bed with you as well and putting them in the fridge! Cheeky git . .

Fiveredbricks · 02/05/2019 10:37

It's quite unusual OP to have a bath every sodding morning. Forget his coffee. He's bloody odd. How do you tolerate it or why have you enabled it?

Bamb00 · 02/05/2019 10:41

My dh showers while I do the breakfasts for the kids, then while I shower he makes the lunches, gets youngest dressed, and makes us both a coffee. I come down, brush and tie their hair (he's seriously shit at it), and he does their teeth. He works from home at the moment, so is around alot more than most, but if he left for work at 7 he'd help by getting the lunches sorted the night before. I don't understand why some men feel their job is to work and the women's job is to do everything else?! So unfair op, he's being seriously selfish.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/05/2019 10:43

I won't tolerate it though and will bring it up next time
No, don't.
Raise it before it happens. Tell him that lately all he seems to do is moan about not seeing the kids, koan at what you haven't done, what you've dien wrong, and you have had enough. You are not HIS mom.
He wants to see his children? He can work out how to get up earlier /home earlier. He wants coffee made a certain way? He can ask you NICELY and be grateful or make it himself.
Tell him every time he criticises for no reason you will simply stop doing that job for him. Because you are his partner not him Mom

theWarOnPeace · 02/05/2019 10:47

You’re a doormat and he’s a prick. Can’t put it nicer than that! Sort it out, or your children will follow the pattern you’ve been modelling

outvoid · 02/05/2019 10:50

He needs to wake up earlier to bath and spend less time in it. Do you have a shower as well because that’s far quicker?

Sounds like there’s a lack of organisation in the mornings. If he wants fancy coffee; he can make it himself. To bugger with you faffing about making it only for him to complain. Also make the lunchboxes the night before.

SleepingIsOverrated · 02/05/2019 10:53

Wait, people have baths in the morning?

Crazyladee · 02/05/2019 11:39

Lol @tinkobell! Grin

romany4 · 02/05/2019 11:41

My brother had a bath every morning ( No shower) but he gets up at 5am so he doesn't block the bathroom.
I have no advice about the coffee apart from just telling him to do it his bloody self

Happynow001 · 02/05/2019 11:46

@Home77
Maybe how their dads were with their mum perhaps? he always said he'd never be like his dad was with his mum (getting cross over mismatched socks and the like) but it seems there are some similarities at times.
When he finally stops throwing a strop, even though he's the one being difficult, you should clearly ask him. "Do you realise how like your father you really are?"

I’d be sending dc into do their morning poo while he was in the bath too. Is he a massive spoiled baby upset that his servant has other priorities?
Good idea. 😁

Good luck with the chat OP. 🌹

Original poster
Home77 · 02/05/2019 12:38

Thanks for the replies. No, it wasn't his sandwich but my son's he was making. (I do get the boys doing their own stuff, not do everything for them, and they are pretty independent)

It's weird because he really went on about how he 'always told himself he'd never, ever be like his father' and this is something he has mentioned quite a bit.

But then these things sometimes happen. And i will bring it up.

It's definitely not about avoiding stuff with the DC though, he's great with them, much better than me for example with helping brush hair, cut nails, various other things and is really good with cleaning, has that thing of making it all tidy really quickly while I take ages faffing over one thing.

So this morning is not a true picture really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Home77 · 02/05/2019 12:39

Oh yes, I make sure I go in and have a massive poo also! Grin

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 02/05/2019 13:04

Why do women put up with twats like this? Hmm