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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and mornings

115 replies

Home77 · 02/05/2019 08:23

DH is starting to annoy me in the mornings. He likes to have a bath and then moans he has missed the DCs breakfast and that he only sees them ten minutes a day (he doesn't he sees then evenings as well). Then he moans when we all want to use the bathroom too- saying it is like Piccadilly circus in here. The other moan today was about the coffee. I went and asked him a few weeks back, if he wanted a coffee as he seemed to rush after the bath out the door - but now it is all that I haven't warmed the coffee pot of used the right milk or something. Today he poured it out saying it was cold now Hmm

I usually just make instant for myself and that's Ok so it is a bit of a faff tbh. as doing the kids breakfasts and lunches etc. as well.

I was thinking, actually all this would be solved if he got up earlier to have his bath, then we could have more time in the bathroom and he could make his coffee how he likes it and join us for breakfast. And that he needs to stop moaning and blaming it on me.

OP posts:
Crazyladee · 02/05/2019 08:49

My DH is very fussy about how his cup of tea is made. I'm a non tea drinker and used to make him tea for him to grimace when he tasted it and make comments about how it was not strong enough, not enough milk etc etc. I poured it down the sink and told him from now on, he can make his own. Which he does.
You need to stand up to him and grow a backbone. The morning leisurely baths are very selfish too.

lookingelsewhere · 02/05/2019 08:49

He needs a valet!

Lllot5 · 02/05/2019 08:50

Sounds to me as though he is jealous of the attention you give to the children in the morning. Not all about him is it? Prick tell him to make his own coffee or have instant like the rest of us have to.

Cruddles · 02/05/2019 08:51

What sort of grown man has baths?

ShatnersWig · 02/05/2019 08:53

What sort of grown man has baths?

I do, but only on a Sunday night. Showers otherwise.

diddl · 02/05/2019 08:54

"and then moans he has missed the DCs breakfast"

Well there's such an easy solution to that that even I can see it!

It's the equivalent of offering to help when you know someone has just finished.

Just pretending!

Billben · 02/05/2019 08:54

Behaviour like this would be nipped in the bud pretty sharpish in our house. I have no time for nonsense like this. Who has time for a luxury like a morning bath when you have kids 🙄

TheTreeHearsYourSecret · 02/05/2019 08:56

You need to have a discussion in the evening about it not when it is happening. Dh just sorts himself in the morning, but he does make me a cup of tea which he brings to me in bed. He does get up before 6 though.

My children are both in secondary school so sometimes cook eggs for breakfast so we have worked a sort of shift pattern for the kitchen. Dh is in and out having prepared his own lunch. Then the children are in.

He goes to work early so he can spend better time with the children in an evening because he isn't rushing off to work and the children to school.

Your Dh needs to get up earlier to have a bath that doesn't inconvenience everyone else in the house.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 02/05/2019 08:58

Da fuq?!

We are in the process of this type of behaviour out of my three year old.

Why are you tolerating this from your DH?

Also: a bath first thing?! Why can’t he have one last thing when nobody else will need the bathroom?

NewMum19344567 · 02/05/2019 08:59

Men and their f'ing baths! My husband thinks I am abusive and controlling when I ask him to have a shower not a bath and will sometimes refuse to clean himself as he hates showers so much... I work too and have the baby to sort and just don't get why he needs a half hour bath a day it's honestly ridiculous! Tell him to shower and stop complaining!

snowbear66 · 02/05/2019 08:59

I don't know anyone who takes a bath in the morning.
Does he do it to avoid having to help out with the childcare I wonder?

gamerchick · 02/05/2019 08:59

he always said he'd never be like his dad was with his mum (getting cross over mismatched socks and the like) but it seems there are some similarities at times.

So why haven't you reminded him of this conversation and compare it with his behaviour?

Why are you ignoring it? It's bothering you enough to post on here, it's time to tell him to wind his neck in a bit.

Original poster
Home77 · 02/05/2019 09:04

Yes, i will. In fact we have discussed this kind of thing one time he started going on about where a certain pair of trousers was and crossly looking for it, asking me, etc.

I just ignored it and then went out. He apologised later saying he didn't know what came over him and we was embarrassed and ashamed. I mentioned the dad / socks thing then..then..he said I should have told him off at the time, to which I told him, no, it is his responsibilty and not for me to sort out / tell off.

It's almost like he wants me to stop him, argh!

We have been together years, and it seems to be worse recently. Not sure why. But most definitely at a point where I will leave him to it, tease him about it or bring it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Home77 · 02/05/2019 09:05

The DC are easy and laid back in comparison, thankfully! they seem quite bemused by it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Home77 · 02/05/2019 09:07

I wouldn't like to be told to have a shower and not a bath tbh but yes he needs to get up earlier. Each to their own. Like a bath myself.

OP posts:
lookingelsewhere · 02/05/2019 09:08

he always said he'd never be like his dad was with his mum (getting cross over mismatched socks and the like) but it seems there are some similarities at times

I've seen this happen a lot. I've even said "I'll never be like my mother" then I find myself doing it!!! It would be good to remind him of this conversation as a pp said. Even though he intends NOT to be like that, family of origin influences can still be strong.

Absolutely don't put up with it though!

lookingelsewhere · 02/05/2019 09:09

The only time I took baths in the morning were when I lived in a flat without a shower. I was still as quick as possible though!

Holidayshopping · 02/05/2019 09:14

Taking a bath every morning when people are trying to get washed and ready for the day is just selfish!

KatharinaRosalie · 02/05/2019 09:14

Who the fuck has long leisurely bubble baths in the morning while their spouse is running around like blue arsed fly to get the kids ready and out of the door? And then moans other people want to use the bathroom? Well what does he expect them to do?

He will either get up earlier and have the bath BEFORE other people need the bathroom, or have it late in the evening AFTER the kids are in bed. In the morning, he does his share to get the kids ready.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/05/2019 09:15

It's up to him whether he baths or showers. What he can't do is inconvenience everyone else or complain that it's inconveniencing himself.

Agree with others that this is a ploy to gain attention. The questions are whether that's a fair point (even though he's not gone about it well) and whether he merits it (is he an arse all round or generally a good participant in family life).

Eliza9919 · 02/05/2019 09:18

Yes, i was trying to be kind by making the coffee and wish I hadn't now as it has turned into this thing! argh. He also likes the milk hot and it has to be in a certain cup as well!

is he 2 years old ffs?

He likes to have a bath and then moans he has missed the DCs breakfast and that he only sees them ten minutes a day

Why doesn't he have a bath at night and a quick shower in the morning?

I wouldn't put up with this, he sounds like an overgrown child.

strawberrisc · 02/05/2019 09:19

Wow! Imagine what he'll be like in retirement.

He sounds like a huge Manchild.

Vive la single life.

amusedbush · 02/05/2019 09:19

What sort of grown man has baths?

My DH, because we live in a rented flat with no shower, only a bath.

However insisting on having a bath on a weekday morning when people need into the bathroom is fucking ludicrous.

Biancadelrioisback · 02/05/2019 09:23

I like a bath in the morning. Probably do this around 4 times a week? BUT I get up at half 5 for the privilege. If I'm having a shower I'm up at 6. It's not fair to monopolise the bathroom for leisure when everyone else is rushing around

Singlenotsingle · 02/05/2019 09:24

Shower in the morning, bath in the evening. And make his own coffee ffs! Shock