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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH and mornings

115 replies

Home77 · 02/05/2019 08:23

DH is starting to annoy me in the mornings. He likes to have a bath and then moans he has missed the DCs breakfast and that he only sees them ten minutes a day (he doesn't he sees then evenings as well). Then he moans when we all want to use the bathroom too- saying it is like Piccadilly circus in here. The other moan today was about the coffee. I went and asked him a few weeks back, if he wanted a coffee as he seemed to rush after the bath out the door - but now it is all that I haven't warmed the coffee pot of used the right milk or something. Today he poured it out saying it was cold now

I usually just make instant for myself and that's Ok so it is a bit of a faff tbh. as doing the kids breakfasts and lunches etc. as well.

I was thinking, actually all this would be solved if he got up earlier to have his bath, then we could have more time in the bathroom and he could make his coffee how he likes it and join us for breakfast. And that he needs to stop moaning and blaming it on me.

OP posts:

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 02/05/2019 09:24

What sort of grown man has baths? what a bizarre question! Anyone can have a bath, they aren’t age rated.

He’s being a dick and you need to tell him so. Sit him down tonight and say ‘I do xyz in the morning so you can see it’s a busy time for me and you are making it more stressful by stripping about and spoiling everyone’s day by starting it with a bad atmosphere. You need to sort this out as it’s impacting me and the kids.’

Don’t suggest solutions. He needs to sort it out.

BogglesGoggles · 02/05/2019 09:25

My husband frequently moans at me over things he has created. I just tell him not to moan. It’s nit attractive. The children get the same line.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 02/05/2019 09:25

*stropping!

Lllot5 · 02/05/2019 09:27

It’s not about the bath it’s about him thinking he’s the most important. His bath his certain coffee his particular cup. Everyone dancing round him. Male ego. God help us all!

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 02/05/2019 09:30

Great post @backonceagainwithaburneremail

Knittedfairies · 02/05/2019 09:36

Hide the bath plug.

dottiedodah · 02/05/2019 09:37

Are you a SAHM?.If you are, I expect he thinks that he is "in charge" and expects you to run after him making him feel important.Tell him its 2019 now NOT 1950! .Baths are for relaxing in ,in the evenings .(unless he s that MP whose name I forget!)Seriously why is your child making his sandwiches ?,Not a good example for future relationships for her is it! .Try "losing" the bath plug for a few days and leave him to make his own drinks !.

Oysterbabe · 02/05/2019 09:39

Why the fuck doesn't he just have a quick shower like a normal person?

Tinkobell · 02/05/2019 09:41

Each to their own I guess, but he risks getting piles in his bum if he sits in a hot bath each & every morning. A showers way better. Baths also a massive waste of water each day.

Floralhousecoat · 02/05/2019 09:41

Why isn't he also doing the dc breakfast and getting them ready? Why is it always you?

It seems he wants you to do everything in the mornings, including pandering to him, just like his mother does to his father.

Tell him he needs to sort out the kids on certain days of the week so he gets to spend some one on one time with them.

Smokesandeats · 02/05/2019 09:42

You need to tell him everything you’ve said in your first post in a calm way. After you’ve told him that he’s being selfish you tell him that you will no longer make his coffee or sandwiches or anything else in the mornings. He is an adult and your priority is getting the children ready for school.

YANBU and he should be ashamed of himself for being so pathetic.

Tinkobell · 02/05/2019 09:44

Ask him if he'd like you to sit on the edge of the bath, peel grapes and drop them into the bath while he luxuriates and ponders the day ahead. Ffs what planet is he (and you tbh) on to have got to this point? Sounds like he needs a nanny to come look after him. 😁

MrsTeaspoon · 02/05/2019 09:44

If he wants things a very particular way, and can’t appreciate you doing a different version, he does them! It’s ungrateful and not something you want your children picking up.
As for the baths - I agree wholeheartedly with PP who says he’s doing it on purpose to get out of morning-time-with-kids...again pathetic behaviour in an adult parent. Strip wash/shower/buy cheap shower attachment for bath/bath in evening/get up earlier...all solve it. Please don’t put up with it.

Tinkobell · 02/05/2019 09:46

Is that you Mrs Rees Mogg?! If it is, get Nanny to drag her arse upstairs and help out!

ptumbi · 02/05/2019 09:47

Get a water meter! (You will prob have to soon anyway) Once he sees how much money he is literally pouring down the drain every morning, it might motivate him to 'like' showers.

And as for I wasn't quite sure if it is usual to have such a fuss over coffee as I'm not really a big drinker of it. Seriously? You really think there is any drink in this world serious enough to make this much fuss over? Anyone that expects a 'fuss' made over his drink gets to make it himself. Dp is fussy about coffee - he makes it himself. And makes me a drink at the same time - I am NOT fussy; I drink whatever comes.

I do wonder sometimes. He moans that he can't see his children in the mornings because he is tying up the bathroom for his leisure time (and leaving you with all the morning shit) and simply can't understand why?

nothinglikeadame · 02/05/2019 09:47

Yes he's being an absolute idiot, but in fairness you need to take a lot of the blame here for letting him get away with this ridiculous routine.

I can just see my partners face now if I announced I was having a nice bath in the morning instead of helping with the morning routine, and could she have a cup of coffee ready for me, just how I like it, when I am suitable bathed.....

michaelbaubles · 02/05/2019 09:49

My DP likes his coffee a certain way and sometimes I've not got it right - he says "thank you for making that for me. I'd prefer (X), but don't worry, I'll go and change it myself" in a sweet, non-arsey tone. And he does. Nothing wrong with having preferences but you're not Starbucks!

Starlive23 · 02/05/2019 09:50

He sounds like a big man baby

This!

Belenus · 02/05/2019 09:52

OP you say he's only been like this since having children but then say DC2 is 10. That's a long time to be like this.

I like my tea and coffee a certain way. If I know someone makes it differently, I don't expect them to pander to me. I just make my own drink, or drink what I'm given and be grateful for it.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/05/2019 09:56

What sort of idiot monopolises the bathroom when the whole family needs it. ..???

He's actingas if he has no options. ...
Quick shower....3 minutes doe it for me...wash all over...shampoo hair. ..rinse off and dry....
-so he can spend time with the kids. ...and not piss you off in the process. ...

He's acting like a child expecting YOU to sort hI'm out....

The bathroom blocking would drive me nuts. ..people who want baths have them at other times in our house....

Perhaps he's just one of these joy thieves that like moaning

CatG85 · 02/05/2019 09:57

If my DH acted like this he'd be bathing in a puddle in the street!

Just tell him he's being unreasonable, give him a list of options/alternatives and if he still doesn't take any of them just stop everything else like the coffee and I'd get up that little bit earlier and beat him in to the bathroom just for the fun of it :-)

SignedUpJust4This · 02/05/2019 09:57

Bloody hell it must be so nice to have a butler. Come on OP. This is ridiculous. Tell him to get tae fuck.

BlackPrism · 02/05/2019 09:58

Who has a bath on a morning??

lookingelsewhere · 02/05/2019 09:59

Tell him to get tae fuck

Agreed!

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 02/05/2019 10:01

Honestly it takes me all my mental bandwidth to remember to use Lactofree in DH’s coffee of a morning and that’s me making it for the pair of us.
Fuck the nonsense you’re dealing with.

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