AIBU to think that school mum friendships aren’t real friendships?

[ShinyShoe]

Just that really. They’re not real, dependable friendships are they? I assumed when my kids started school I’d find my best friends...and I did, for a while..until our kids started getting older and not getting on and then the Mum friendship became awkward and not the same. So it seems to me that a school mum friendship is great unless the kids fall out and then poof, friendship gone. Plus if your husbands don’t gel/get on then it’s also dead in the water. It’s different with pre-kids friendships because even if you’ve got kids that don’t get on you’ve got pre-kid stuff that binds you together. I just wondered if anyone else has found this? I feel a bit depressed and disappointed that my school mum friendships are so flakey and reliant on the kids friendship. Maybe I just haven’t met the right people? Or I’m doing something wrong but I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable or is it just not worth even investing in school Mum friendships?

I agree with you op.

It can happen like that. My first school mum friendship group ended when our dc fell out.
However I then went on to meet a group of three other mums and we have managed to make it work.
Between the four of us we have 18 dc, the eldest who started our friendship are all 19 now.
Our dc are close friends and often fall out as children do, we just refuse to get involved.
Although two of us don't have Primary age dc anymore so don't do the school run we still meet up at least once a week and have a constant chat going on in our WhatsApp chat.
I really treasure their friendship and hope it lasts a long time.

How the hell do you get through the pre school years without the friendship and camaderie of other women? Personally would have been utterly miserable without that.

The vast majority of my friends are people i met on the school run

A few from work...very few

It's the same as all friendships though. Some are right for now and then fade, others last forever.

I agree - when the kids fall out or grow apart it is shown for the convenience friendship it is. Try being a single mum though, there's a whole load of "she's spoken to XYZ's husband!" and "oh we would have invited you out but you wouldn't have anyone at home with DC". It's very alienating at times. Funnily enough I doway more for the families with two adults than I get back in lifts/playdates!

Not all friendships and relationships are forever.They have a time and place and then circumstances change and the friendship fizzles out.

I think it's normal and typical at work, the school gates, NCT groups, hobbies etc. A friendship doesn't have to be forever to be worthwhile.

In my experience it can go either way. I met one of my closest friends of almost 15 years through our daughters being in the same class. The girls have gradually grown apart over the years, but we still get together every week. Another school mum whom I thought was a great friend (our families even went in holiday together) inexplicably dropped me and wouldn't respond to any of my overtures. I found out much later from someone else it was because my daughter attended a party, that her daughter hadn't been invited to. I can't help think there must have been more to it than that, but I guess I'll never know.

My parents made school parent friends (started with the mums) and have been lifelong best friends since. All the kids are grown and gone, but they still see each other every week, holiday together etc. So it can happen. I've got some good school people acquaintances, a couple who I'd class as friends but not so close that if circumstances changed that I'd be upset if we didnt stay in touch.

Not my experience at all. I've got a close group of 5 friends from my DCs primary school (we all had two DCs in the same two years). The DCs are at secondary school now but we've stayed close, chat on Whatsapp all the time, see each other regularly. Husbands rarely see each other but get along well enough when they do. I don't see the rest of the primary school parents as often but will still stop and have a good chat with most of them when we bump into each other.