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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for your best sleep talking/walking stories

131 replies

TiredAndaBitBored · 01/05/2019 07:07

I very rarely talk in my sleep however apparently last night I nudged DH awake and asked him to check the little man was still in the cupboard.

I've no idea what I was dreaming but DH confirmed there was in fact, no little man in our cupboard.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 04/05/2019 19:30

Dh used to sleep walk as a child. The only couple of times he did it was when we lived in our first house. We were going to wallpaper our bedroom. The new rolls and kit were stashed in the spare room. Dh decided he needed a wee in the middle of the night and started pissing on the rolls. I steered him to the bathroom before he did too much damage. Another time he got up shouting “they’re going to fall”. This was the fitted wardrobe doors. I should have realised a lot sooner he hated Diy!

welshcath · 04/05/2019 19:31

My dh once woke me up shouting ' by the power of grey skull' whilst thrusting an imaginary sword into the air.
I have never let him live it down.

Nats1606 · 04/05/2019 19:49

My 5 year old was crying in his sleep so I asked him what was wrong and he just kept saying ‘my sandwich! My sandwich! Batman ate my sandwich!’.....also, a few weeks ago my 3 year old woke me up shouting ‘no give me back my leg, I need that!’

Nats1606 · 04/05/2019 19:50

Husband also sat up in bed a few years ago and was insistent that we went and bought some tomatoes. It took some persuading that we didn’t need them. He responded with a perplexed ‘but what will we put at the top of the stairs then??!’

jessebuni · 04/05/2019 19:56

Yeah...I’m quite bad for it. My husband snores in his sleep and sometimes seems to be trying to hump the mattress but that’s about it. However I regularly say random things, usually I’m nagging him in my sleep apparently or listing things I need to do but sometimes it’s more entertaining. Once he found me emptying all of the first aid supplies into our camping bag because the zombies were coming.

Another time he came into the bedroom coming to bed late and I apparently got out of bed and punched him in the face, elbowed and kicked and basically beat the hell out of him while he tried to wake me up. He apparently woke me up and I said “oh it’s you, you scared me” then went back to bed.

He also once woke up because a bunch of lights were on and found me feeding the fish in the middle of the night.

hettie · 04/05/2019 19:59

You are all Sleepwalking / talking amateurs. Grin. Many years ago (unbeknownst to me) I shook DH awake, pulled him off the bed commando style and rolled him onto the floor....apparently shouting "get down, get down, we're being shot at". When he looked at me in terror/ bemusement and tried to raise his head, I pushed his head down below the bed level and said (again) "get down,get down" (apparently I was quite insistent). I was clearly convinced that we were being shot at through the window and that if he raised his head above the bed he would be shot by a sniper Confused. Apparently, I then looked at him with a blank face grunted, got back into bed and went back to sleep. Leaving him shaking like a jelly on the floor and wondering what had I just happened.
We weren't married at the time and bless his cotton socks he decided that I was still a safe bet. Maybe he thought I had military training skills that would be useful later in life (I don't by the way).
I have had a number of sleep walking talking incidents in my life but none quite beat that!

MustardScreams · 04/05/2019 20:00

@ChristmasFluff I’m so sorry because that dream sounds awful, but your description has made me laugh for about half an hour now 😂

laurG · 04/05/2019 20:01

I walked in on my best friend having sex with someone who wasn’t her boyfriend after a huge night out. I just stood at the bottom of the bed apparently. We were at uni and sharing a flat. She wasn’t sure what I remembered and confessed everything in the morning. I couldn’t remember any of it.

Superba21 · 04/05/2019 20:02

I used to sleep walk all the time when I was little. once when my mum & dad were having a party I walked into the living room acting like a chicken, I then sat on the sofa and laid an egg. After I just got up and flapped back to my bedroom
These days I talk in my sleep all the time, woke my husband up the other night to give him a high five, can't remember a thing about it!

DressyMcDressFace · 04/05/2019 20:02

Bit outing but my mum once found me sleepwalking on a third floor hotel balcony!

lynfordthecrab · 04/05/2019 20:04

Years ago when my ds was about 14 my DD 9 we were on holiday, we had a ground floor poolside hotel room, my son woke me up in the middle of the night shouting “mum mum someone’s stealing all our shoes! Mum quick now!” I got groggily out of bed and ran into where they were sleeping by the poolside door to the room, to find him sound asleep, and my DD scared out of her wits. My DH slept through the whole thing! It took me ages to convince DD that no one was breaking in!

Corriebeag · 04/05/2019 20:56

We had a b and b guest who got up in the night, went through to the kitchen, found the wet floorcloth, took it back and scrubbed her sleeping husband’s face with it. And last week my husband gave me a wallop on the chest and grabbed my arm, muttering and rolling about. I got up and when he woke I asked him what on earth was he dreaming about? He said ‘the kitchen was full of dogs and you said, ‘Hit them! hit them!’!! So it was my fault!

Minxmumma · 04/05/2019 21:07

Df used to get ready for work on a regular basis, dm stopped him and turned him round before he made it to the car thankfully! He's always wandered, as a child the local policeman used to return him apparently.
I flooded the bathroom as a child and as an adult have been found organising the cutlery, putting the kitchen knives away and other random stuff.
My twins (17) converse in their sleep even when in seperate rooms (creepy!)

supersop60 · 04/05/2019 21:12

I have been discovered standing on the bed trying to get "the beads".
These days I dream that someone is leaning over me or about to jump on me and I scream. The scream wakes me and DP up, and he gets really cross. I don't do it on purpose.
DS aged about 4 thought the kitchen cupboards were the loo and peed all over the pots and pans.

bobstersmum · 04/05/2019 21:17

When I was in my late teens I was living with my partner and i got up in the night wandering around searching for someone, I didn't know who it was but I wasn't for stopping looking! I got frustrated in the end and said to my partner, where is he? He said who? I said not you! You know, the other one! I have also got up after a nap during a day off work, convinced it was morning, panicking that I was late for work, then stumbled back to bed and back asleep. Not done anything like that since though.

robusttoday · 04/05/2019 22:15

Apparently, I smiled and said,
" I want to jump in other peoples puddles .... "

FromDespairToHere · 04/05/2019 22:23

We were on holiday in our caravan once and had been to the pub. We came back, got into bed and put a film on. After a while DP asked if I was still watching. Apparently I said "no, because I didn't want to watch this I wanted to watch Grease. You can't get anything fucking right, can you!"

It's a good job he realised I was asleep...

Disneyinmyveins · 04/05/2019 22:48

I sleep shop, I have bought a how to talk to the dead online course and 100 blue tooth brushes to name a few examples.
I have had to turn off the finger print recognition in my phone to stop me signing into Paypal 😂😂😂

LouH1981 · 05/05/2019 00:02

I was 19 and still living at home. One night I went out with a chap I was on/off seeing and got absolutely hammered. My Mum (bless her) picked me up and I went to bed.
The next morning, I got up and she laughed at me and asked if I was ok. I was pretty hungover but all good. Then she said ‘you don’t remember, do you?’ Apparently at about 2am she heard lots of banging around so she came downstairs to find me wandering around in the dining room ‘looking for something’ and the worst of it, I was only in my skimpy bra and pants! Then she ushered me back to bed.
I still have zero recollection of it - so embarrassing!

mentalloadoverloaded · 05/05/2019 00:08

My dh occasionally sleep talks but doesn't often make much sense. However, one conversation sticks in my mind for it's GoT reference...

DH (fast asleep): bastard.

Me (wide awake): what? Who's a bastard?

DH: me

Me: why are you a bastard?

DH: because I'm a Snow

And then he went straight back to sleep! I wish I'd recorded it!

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 05/05/2019 01:56

On our honeymoon in Mexico, I was awoken by now Ex-DH banging in the door. It was 3am and half-awake and confused, I looked through spy hole to see him stood there looking panicked with a towel around his waist.

I let him in and he was ranting and babbling that he's been knocking for ages.

Finally he calmed down and said that we'd had a conversation where I'd asked him to go to the lobby to get me a drink from the bar (we later concluded this was a dream) and he'd woken one block away from lobby stark bollock naked!

With his hands over his cock and arse, he pelted it back to our room and was knocking to get in, but couldn't rouse me. So he went to our terrace, and luckily we were on ground floor and the towels were outside drying, so he grabbed one to preserve his modesty. He then managed to wake me.

He slept in boxers for the rest of the honeymoon. GrinGrin

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 05/05/2019 02:03

Also, my ex-DH's friend pulled a girl one Christmas Eve, they were both totally hammered and she invited him back to her parents where she lived.

They had a drunken fumble and passed out, he got up an while later, but was sleepwalking, but he went to go for a wee.

Mid-wee, he woke up and was not only confused by where he was, but was horrified to realise he was pissing up and on the family Christmas tree and gifts.

He went and grabbed his clothes and
literally ran out the front door.

Imagine the scene the next morning. Shock

Sobeyondthehills · 05/05/2019 02:23

What I thought: This is going to be a great parachute jump, oh shit I have landed why does my back hurt

What my partner heard: Massive loud thump

What happened: Who the fuck knows, but ended with me falling off the bed into a nail, that we didn't know what there and to go to A&E to get my back glued

robinsarebins · 05/05/2019 02:25

I had a boyfriend when I was about 18, we shared a single bed at his mum and dad's house when I stayed over.
One night we decided, I've no idea why or what for, to sleep at the wrong end of the bed.
He woke me up speaking french in his sleep. Neither of us can actually speak french so I can't tell you what he was going on about.
Apparently sleeping at the wrong end of the bed can wake up dormant parts of your brain, like brushing your teeth the wrong way round.

Rainbowdrops90 · 05/05/2019 06:59

I talk in my sleep all the time.

I think my two best ones are my ex partner snuggling up to me in bed and saying "god babe, you're baking" to which I replied "Bacon? I like bacon..?"

Another time I fell asleep before him and then after a while sat bolt upright in bed and started asking him to pass the plate to me because I needed to set the alarm. He kept asking me to repeat it (finding it hilarious) at which point I said "what are you not understanding?? I need you to pass me the plate so I can set the alarm. It's not hard..." 🙈

There's probably loads more but those two were the funniest when he told me the next morning