To ask some of you slightly older mothers about your experience?

[theboomtownrat]

NC'd as potentially outing.
I'm considering having a 3rd baby, but a bit worried about how my body will handle it, and how I will cope with the demands of a newborn.

I'm interested in hearing from those of you who had DC between 38 and 42. How did you bounce back?
Would you recommend it?
What were your biggest challenges?

I had my 1st and 28 and 2nd at 33. I definitely found it tougher 2nd time around.
I'm now 37 and fairly healthy. I'm a bit overweight and could definitely so with loosing a couple of stone but could do thy before I get pregnant (if that does happen)
I've only got 1 tube so my chances of a successful pregnancy are somewhat limited.

Tia x

Yep retymardy you're dealing with a stroppy teen whilst having a hot flush and your knees are making bizarre noises coming down the stairs to remove the phone from their hand because they are not listening What's not to love about that so so tired

I had 4 in my 20s and the last at 43. She has been quite an easy child despite some SEN and the early years were fantastic.

Had some issues with university visits etc with the older ones. The biggest difficulty we have had is the older ones moving back in and getting stroppy with her.

Just lately she has hurtled into puberty and I'm in menopause so life is no longer calm. I had health issues when she was younger so the planned younger sibling didn't happen, so she wants to be entertained all the time.

My ds has ADHD and he can be so stubborn

Last baby at 40 , horrendous end of pregnancy and birth . But she’s a delight and no regrets at all . Although I am knackered and say ffs in my head a lot

I had all mine in my 30s but the last (DC3) when I was nearly 39. The pregnancy was comparable to the others until the end when I had SPD and also the very last week was a nightmare as the baby was an unstable lie, perhaps because after two previous births there was more room for him to move about, which led to a stressful time in hospital while consultants argued over whether to induce me, do a section or send me home to wait (after horror stories about a prolapsed cord, so no thanks). The birth and early days were better in lots of ways because I knew what to expect and both DH and I felt we knew what we were doing. I also cared a lot less about keeping up appearances, e.g. the midwife found the baby asleep in the top of a basket of laundry when he was about 3 days old! The SPD took a couple of months to settle, I guess - I can't really remember so I don't think it can have been too lingering a problem. I was probably more proactive about losing my baby weight as I knew it would be my last - on previous occasions it was hard to care so much as I knew I'd only put it back on again with the next, which I know is a shoddy attitude, but what can I say. I don't think I was more tired overall. I think what you lose with ageing, you gain with being more experienced and efficient. I felt much more awful with DC1 because it was all such a shock and I wasted a lot of energy on things that didn't matter with retrospect. Three is a lovely number imo. The increased number of relationships in the family really enriches things but the increased workload from 2 to 3 is negligible. Good luck TTC.

I had DD at 42. She's hit puberty, I'm in menopause and apparently I'm not the boss of her!

She's an only child so I've always had to keep her entertained.

Pregnancy was difficult especially the last 3 months. Birth was EMCS after 3 days in labour

Nothing here has overly put me off having one later in life. I had my first pregnancy at 25 and it was horrendous though dream baby and child, second pregnancy at 26 sailed through, awful awful labour and the most difficult baby and toddler that ever walked the earth.

I imagine I'll be more knackered but in terms of pregnancy and the actual child, surely a lot of it is luck of the draw?

33, 38, 41. With the second I felt tireder and thought it was age but my consultant was adamant it was because I already had a child. He probably had a point. The third pregnancy was no different to the second (nor was the getting pregnant bit), and the birth was the easiest of the lot. For me there was very little difference.

I've a friend who had her first at 20 and the next one 13 years later. She felt her age the second time and was wrecked. Maybe I consider some amount of being wrecked as part and parcel of having a baby and not because of my age.

I had my first at 33, second at 38. When I turned 40 I was really sad that I was not going to have anymore children because that was the deadline that I had for myself. Now I'm 42 and got pregnant by accident and feeling so tired and sick that I'm sure this will be my last.

No problems. Aged 39 with second son & 40 with third. Boys always close. Menopause far worse, pregnancy & birth a piece of cake!!

I had my second a couple of months before my 38th birthday, and really noticed the difference... might have been that he was my second though, and his sister was very easy.

I was more mentally drained.
I still don't have the energy to do things I used to do when my daughter was this age (2) like climbing around soft play. Some of this is probably just that it's all new and exciting doing it first time! Poor boy, I ought to get down to the soft play with him!

Ladies thank you all for being so kind to share your experiences.
Fuck it! I'm gonna do it!! Xxx

I had my first aged 37 and second aged 42. Both easy problem-free pregnancies, both emergency c-sections but no drama. I was definitely more tired second time round, but also more relaxed. He was a super-chill baby - less so now aged 14😊
I say go for it!

F

BingandFlop just wanted to say that I relate to your experience. My parents were both in their 40s when I was born and Mum died when I was 9, Dad when I was early 20s. Yes of course parents can die at any age and my Mum particularly died very young but the risk is inevitably higher with older parents.

Incidentally I’ve just had DC3 at 33 and I am beyond shattered. He is definitely the last!

I had one child at 33 and another at 38. Just get as fit as you can before pregnancy. With the second my back hurt more, I had worse gastritis, I got tired quicker.

Not a slightly older mum here, but a truly ancient one

I don't know what it's like to have a baby any younger than 41, so no other experience to compare it to. I also had a child at 45. Pregnancy wise, both were similar - just the usual sickness and fucking awful acid reflux. No 'structural' issues with my back or pelvis. Both quick labours and straightforward births.

The first 2 years with DS1 I can barely remember as he woke up a gazillion times a night and I was a zombie. But I don't think I was any more knackered than anybody else would be in similar circumstances.

The hardest thing, though, is going through menopause with a 10yo and a 6yo in tow. It is challenging to say the least. But I wouldn't send them back, even if I could

Had my first at 37 and my second at 41. My first didn't sleep until he was 4 1/2 and had surgery to remove adenoids and tonsils which stopped the chronic sleep apnea and associated night terrors and vomiting. Ever since the op he slept through perfectly. The 3 year old has probably slept through 3 weeks in his 3 years but it's getting better. So it's pretty knackering especially when working full time. But I don't think age has made it any harder.

Pregnancy number 1 was difficult in the sense that I had scans every 2 weeks due to growth problems with DS1 but I actually felt great in both pregnancies. We were TTC for 10 years so we didn't plan to have children late, it's the way it worked out. My NT scans came back with the same risks as someone in their mid 20s. The growth problems with DS1 were due to clots blocking the umbilical cord. He was delivered 6 weeks prem at 3lb 12oz - you wouldn't think it now to look at him.
2nd pregnancy at 40/41 was fine. Close obs and daily aspirin because of history and delivery at 37 weeks as precaution, but all was fine.
C-sections with both and I bounced back really quickly no problems at all. I was back to my pre-baby weight within around 6 - 8 weeks.

I think they keep us young and wouldn't change it for the world. I don't feel 44 (although I'm sure I do look it!!). When we are at soft play/ the park I seem to do more playing and running around than mums much younger than me.

I think it doesn't matter what age you are, every pregnancy story is different. I wouldn't let your age worry you.

@Charles11 Yes but it's much, much more likely when older. That's obvious
All I've done is state a fact? My Dad died at 71 when I was 26. The divide between us was huge. Also a fact.

As a child of older parents, personally I have always considered them to be selfish. Ultimately it was my brother & I who suffered.
They were starting to become tired by the time we reached 4 & 8 (my brother is 4yrs older). My Mum's 50th was my last year of primary school! 🙈 They were both born during WW2 and there I was, a child of the 80s!
I was so embarrassed and upset that my parents weren't able to run around & play with me like other parents could. I was embarrassed that everyone thought they were my grandparents. Everybody else's Mum was way more 'fun' (in my eyes as a child) and much younger than mine. It hurt....

MummyParanoia101

I think many kids think these things of their parents, for you it was age, many kids/teens are embarrassed by parents for lots of other reasons.
Bad car/ awful dress sense/too chatty/"weird"/wrong shape/.size etc.

It's a right of passage.

I was 50 when my youngest was still at primary school, these days that isn't such a big deal, parents on the whole are older,and I was by no means the oldest parent in the school playground.

If anythig it was my tendancy to drive old cheap cars that was my kids biggest bug bear ( friend owns a garage and keeps my cars in good order), all their friends parents had swish cars and I drove unimpressive ones. Amd that was nothing to do with my age.
MummyParanoia101 I suspect that if it was not your parents age you were embarrassed by then you would have found something else about them that was uncool.

Last one at 39-40. Probably my easiest pregnancy of the 4 full term (at 31, 33 & 36yo). Definitely the easiest birth. Last one leaves primary in 2.5 months. Woohoo!!

ps: haven't had any (peri)menop either. I had lots of PMT when young so maybe that means I'll get easy menopause.

MummyParanoia101 I agree, exhaustion is definitely a feature, and slowing down is natural as we get older. Hitting 50 is not the new 40 no matter how much we want to think it is. Having the energy to be switched on into early retirement with teenagers is hard work!! Your parents probably did their best, but ultimately you can't produce energy by clicking a switch.

I also think it does have consequences further down the line for supporting your children with their children, if my children leave it to the same age as me when they have dc I will be eighty one when my grandchild is born I would love to be able to help them, but can't quite imagine it at that age!!!

Jeez I’ve only got one 18month old and was 33 when I had him... still haven’t bounced back and still feel exhausted!

I'm in the exact same situation, 37 with two children (both c sections) but second birth was awful and i lost an ovary/tube last time due to complications. i have also been contemplating another but i am seriously worried about not only my age, but combined with the fact that i only have one ovary as i have read that the chances of a Down Syndrome baby are much higher, plus i have knee problems which will be made worse by another pregnancy. i have to keep talking myself out wanting another.

Good luck whatever you choose to do.