To ask some of you slightly older mothers about your experience?

[theboomtownrat]

NC'd as potentially outing.
I'm considering having a 3rd baby, but a bit worried about how my body will handle it, and how I will cope with the demands of a newborn.

I'm interested in hearing from those of you who had DC between 38 and 42. How did you bounce back?
Would you recommend it?
What were your biggest challenges?

I had my 1st and 28 and 2nd at 33. I definitely found it tougher 2nd time around.
I'm now 37 and fairly healthy. I'm a bit overweight and could definitely so with loosing a couple of stone but could do thy before I get pregnant (if that does happen)
I've only got 1 tube so my chances of a successful pregnancy are somewhat limited.

Tia x

My mum has me at 42 with an 8 year age gap, and I had my one and only at 43.

My mum wasn't knackered and said she would have had another child but her marriage was on the rocks so didn't.

I'm not knackered mainly because my partner is doing shared parental leave and I go to work. I was fit before I had her. I had the easiest birth of my NCT group even though I was the oldest as I was induced and she came quickly. My partner is the knackered one as he also has an 8 year old with SEN. The children get along fine, and I've come back to the baby having loud "conversations" with her sibling.

His 8 year old does sporting activities including in winter that the baby has come along to but she stays in a sling. There are also other small children who are toddlers there who have a large gap between their siblings. The toddlers easily amuse themselves and have random adults helping to keep an eye on them.

Had dd agèd 41. Was very lucky had easy pregnancy, easy baby and very interesting toddler. Yes she has her moments but they all do. I think its not age related but depends on the child. Ive a friend whos 10 years younger and struggled because her dd didnt sleep.

I had my 2nd at 38. It was fine really. As long as you're in good health you can cope. I was/am very tired but I've always been a tired sort of person. I just make sure I get lots of early nights.

I’m a tiny bit younger than your asked for age but I’m 37 with a 12 week old baby and not finding it hard at all.

I also had a baby at 21 so I have that to compare to and I’m probably finding it easier.

HOWEVER... my DS is very easy going and sleeping well. If you get a non sleeper that might be harder.

Physically I think I’ve recovered well, DS is fully breastfed. I’ve had a couple uterus infections (fingers crossed the last massive dose of antibiotics helped!) but that can happen to anyone.
I’m back to lighter than my pre pregnancy weight and feeling pretty good.

Oh yes about the labour as well, she was 8 days late, started naturally, water birth. They’d been talking about induction but were very busy so I kept getting put back!

Op l had DD1 at 37 and DS2 at 39.
The demands of a newborn are not that bad imo as it is just the sleep issue.

HOWEVER it is when they are growing up and want to learn to ride a bike, climb a treee, swim in a river etc and you are 40 and above it gets really tough..
I am now 50 and luckily reasonably fit and healthy, my DD is 13 and DS11.
This Easter break l have had to supervise a group on a Go Ape advanced course, (an adult had to actually do it with them)
Go quad biking, cycle daily with Ds and his young dog to supervise.
Supervise a paintball party for DDs Birthday, etc
Whilst all great fun, this week l am so very tired l could happily fall asleep at my desk!

Of course some may say Dcs don't need to do all these activities, but l think if you are going to have Dcs then you should aim to do physical activities with them.
Even a normal weekend involves being up early Saturday for football practice, supervising homework, often having a houseful of their friends with all the lovely chaos that entails, food/mess etc.

I have found to my surprise the older they get the more they need you, particularly emotionally.

Of course no one knows how thy will age, and it is impossible to know in advance how one will feel in 10 years time, but it is important to recognise that it is not the baby, toddler stage that is hard physical work.

Good luck with your decision.

I was just turned 40 when we had DD; compared to her older brothers she was a breeze, slept well and likes a lie in, didn’t get out of bed till 11am, never had any tiredness or sleep deprivation.

On the down side, I feel slightly tied down, have to arrange baby sitters, tied to the school run, organising school holiday cover, my youngest son has now left home and I am still tied to the house.

But I love her to bits and wouldn’t be without her

Had my first st 33 and second at 40 - can't say I noticed any difference tbh. Both equally knackering ...

I was 42 having my only DD. I was relatively fit but I was in a knackering job before she was born. She was very premature. Otherwise I found it ok. Didn't go back to proper work for 14 years as financially established.

At this age, there may be other factors to take into account: elderly parents and relatives being one.

Also, if you take time off from work, consider the barriers you may face getting back into a proper career if this is what you want.

I'm back at work now, and grateful for the opportunity, but it's a crap job with poor pay and no prospects which I got by volunteering for two years.

My mum had her first at 23 and last at 45. I then had a son 4 years later who she looks after a couple of days a week.
She does all the things she did with us when we were little with her youngest children and looks to have as much energy.
But she's definitely lowered her standards. The housework waits until she has time, and she goes to bed with the kids at around 8pm.
Makes it easier because she's got adult children and I look after my siblings whilst she works, and she looks after my son whilst I work, we both do 3 days a week. I think go for it if you want, she said her last pregnancy was a killer though.

Easy peasy.

Prengancy and birth was easy, I bounced back.

Looking after yourself is important at any age, but especially as you get older.
I keep fit and have a good diet. I am not overweight, I get plenty sleep .
I am in my 50s now, my children are older, and I still have stacks of energy.

I had DD when I was 42. Pregnancy was generally fine, though I did feel queasy throughout and SPD kicked in around 6 months. Birth (at 34 weeks) was speedy but straightforward and I felt physically back to normal pretty quickly.

We were very lucky as DD was a very easy baby who slept through before she was even full-term (we had to sleep feed her!)
so tiredness really wasn’t an issue.

She did have lots of medical and developmental problems, which was (and is) very stressful but that would have been the case if I’d been 22 rather than 42.

DD, now 5, has an autism diagnosis and her behaviour can be very challenging, plus she has physical disabilities which mean we end up carrying her a lot. If we were younger, we might find it all less knackering. On the other hand, I suspect I have much more patience than I would have had as a younger parent.

So really, I don’t know. At 37, if you’re fit and healthy, I’d probably go for it - being older doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be too much for you. But so much depends on the personality of the tiny tyrant - I had much younger friends who were far more tired than me at the baby stage.
Best of luck, whatever you decide!

I had 3 kids in my 20s...and 1 at 38.
Oh my god ,I feel so sorry for my 4 th child,I’m a boring mum to him,I’m tired ,I’ve no patience whatsoever.i am just past it.

I had my first at 22, 2nd at 24 and 3rd at 36.

I found it so much easier with #3 - I’ve got a lot more patience and the sleep deprivation doesn’t seem to affect me as much as it did when I was younger! I’m enjoying being a mum so much more this time around, in fact, that much more that #4 is due in 3 weeks time (I’m 38)

I wasn't any more knackered than previous times. What is sucking the life out of me is having a young teen in your mid 50's, now that's knackering.

I couldn't agree more about previous comments regarding being an older mum to teens. I'm now 53 with a 14 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. Ive also recently become a single parent. It is extremely hard.

I had DC at 38 and 39. My body bounced back immediately, surprisingly. I had good core strength and I was very wired after giving birth so buzzed around, walking them in the buggy for miles so the weight dropped off. But I was shattered. I did wish I'd had them earlier when sleepless nights wouldn;t have been so problematic.

But the good side is that I'd had a very adventurous life so I;ve ever felt DC were holding me back and have always actively enjoyed being their mum and spending time with them.

Is there anything you;d rather be doing with your time? If there isn't, go for it. You are still young at 40. And DC keep you very young. I really enjoy discovering the latest comedies and music because of my teens, even though I'm now mid fifties.

I had my first 8 months ago at 37, turned 38 when he was 3 months.
I can’t give comparison bc it’s my only experience but i did bounce back from the birth (induction, forceps, stitches) quite quickly - I was exercising within 8 weeks. I found the loss of sleep really hard especially around 4 months.
A close friend is just about to deliver at 37 also and she’s had a fantastic pregnancy(as did I) and other than the few additional scans there was no concerns from the midwifes over my age.
I’d love another one in a year or two but don’t think it’s financially viable unfortunately

Nat6999

theboomtownrat Mon 29-Apr-19 23:23:21

APOLOGIES FOR CAPITALS - MY LAPTOP HAS JUST FOR NO REASON GOT STUCK AND WON'T LET ME WRITE IN LOWERCASE...[BLUSH]

NEWBORNS ARE EXHAUSTING, BUT IT'S RELATIVELY SHORT LIVED IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, AS YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN THERE TWICE BEFORE.

FOR ME, THE ISSUE WOULDN'T BE TIREDNESS, AS THAT'S A GIVEN, AND WILL PASS.

THE BIT I'D BE SEEKING ADVICE ON WOULD BE HOW HAVING 3 CHILDREN, WITH APPROX 5 YEARS BETWEEN EACH ONE WOULD PAN OUT LONG TERM.

I IMAGINE THAT NONE OF YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS AT THE SAME TIME, AND AS A PARENT, I THINK I'D FIND THAT QUITE A CHALLENGE - ALL THREE WILL BE AT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PHASES OF THEIR LIVES THROUGHOUT THEIR CHILDHOODS.

OTHERS MIGHT POST SAYING THEY HAVE 3 DCS WITH SIMILAR AGE GROUPS AND IT WORKS WELL, BUT IT WOULDN'T FOR ME, REGARDLESS OF MY AGE WHEN I CONCEIVED THEM, IYSWIM.

38 having my last. A few years on and I'm still knackered. Dh the same. I was like you op, mad to have another one when I turned 36. Friends felt the same around the same age but didn't have another one and said that urge passed.

I had my first at 38. Needed an EMCS but that’s not necessarily due to age. Ridiculously tired but I don’t think I’d be any less tired if I was ten years younger. Struggling to lose weight but I think that’s due to breastfeeding not age.

Waaaay harder in my late 30s with my 3rd than my other two. Late 20s and mid 30s. Exhausted, and I haven’t bounced back body wise . I’m still 20kg overweight 3 years later despite all my efforts. Oh well.

And yes you will def get the granny comment. So be bloody prepared!!

My friend is 55, and we were waiting for the girls to come out of school when a teacher asked her which one was her granddaughter??!!!!

What a shocker!

We laughed all the way home remembering the poor teacher's face when she realised her huge faux pas. My friend said she knew she had left it too late to get to the hairdressers!!!!!

Interesting thread as I am TTC at 39. My first was born when I was 25 so this could be a shock