To ask some of you slightly older mothers about your experience?

[theboomtownrat]

NC'd as potentially outing.
I'm considering having a 3rd baby, but a bit worried about how my body will handle it, and how I will cope with the demands of a newborn.

I'm interested in hearing from those of you who had DC between 38 and 42. How did you bounce back?
Would you recommend it?
What were your biggest challenges?

I had my 1st and 28 and 2nd at 33. I definitely found it tougher 2nd time around.
I'm now 37 and fairly healthy. I'm a bit overweight and could definitely so with loosing a couple of stone but could do thy before I get pregnant (if that does happen)
I've only got 1 tube so my chances of a successful pregnancy are somewhat limited.

Tia x

I had dc3 at 41 and found it fine. I’ve always been the type to go out and about a lot and do (sporadically) exercise.
I’m still struggling with weight loss though, 6 years on.
I did get a lot of headaches when dc3 was younger due to the lack of sleep which lasted til the age of 5. I’m only just getting full nights sleep!
Ibuprofen sorted the headaches out though.
I do a lot with my dc, make sure they have decent home cooked food most days, we go out a lot and they’re very outdoorsy and I’ve just completed a diploma which I started when dc3 was 2.5.

I had my DD at 30 but have MS and even before that was diagnosed I had 'Geriatric Mother' on my notes.

In all honesty, not only as an older mother but also as a child of parents who had me much older (Mum was 39, Dad was 45) I can honestly say I personally would never ever go past 36.

As a child, the age & generation difference between my parents and I was vast. So vast in fact that my brother & I are so so incredibly different than either of my parents. In every way.

Other kids, their parents, teachers and in fact everyone presumed they were my grandparents (despite my mum having always looked so young for her age. She still does!)

Also more seriously, I lost my Dad at the tender age of 26. He was 71. It destroyed me. Still does whenever I think about it.
I was unmarried, single and living alone at the time. No support network besides my Mum who was of course, also grieving for her husband. Therefore I struggled massively to cope.

Sorry to be so negative but I felt it only fair to give an honest account from the perspective of the child. I hope I haven't upset anyone

I had my 4th at 39, big age gap so I really was starting all over again. I had such an easy pregnancy, vague sickness and never felt tired which was very strange. He is now 5 and so is my granddaughter which is just lovely.

Also, I forgot to add that as my Mum is now almost 75 & my DD only 4, my Mum is unlikely to live to see my DD grow up. Not properly.
I mean she may be lucky enough to live well into her nineties which would be amazing, which would mean she would see my DD into her twenties, but I would of course be naive to expect it.
Breaks my heart to type this as my DD and my Mum have a very special bond 😢

i would have found it hard to have a near pension age mother if i was early 20's tbh. but everyone has different ideas.
a friends dd works in a nursery and says some mothers could be mistaken for young grandparents.

I had DC4 at 37 in December. It is easier than I thought. The birth was straightforward. I don't find the sleepless nights more difficult than at 26. The baby weight is not harder to lose.
I hope that my energy levels are not going to plummet in the next few years.

However I had a late miscarriage in January 2018 - chromosomal anomaly so very likely related to my age.

I had an accidental pregnancy at 39 and had her at 40. I love her beyond words which makes it all the more difficult to think I may not be around to help her much if she has children, she may be young herself when either one of her parents die, we are both too knackered to be dealing with a toddler and working.

Personally speaking, mid thirties is the latest anyone should go.

BingandFlop I’m sorry about your experiences but parents can die at any age. I lost my dad fairly young due to an illness.
My sons friend lost his mother to cancer when he was 8.
I’m sure there are tonnes of stories, all heartbreaking.
I’m hoping to stay fit and healthy and celebrate dc3’s 40th one day but who knows what the future will hold.

I had IVF twins a week before my 43rd birthday. Once pregnant that seeemd to go okay until 7 weeks before my due date then had to have an emergency c.section. Yes, I am tired. But who wouldn't be with twins. And I have nothing to compare it with it.

I have never been made aware by anyone but then I lived in part of London where there were older parents. I have always been I to popular culture, fashion, films, music etc. So keep up theough choice. This has worked well now the kids are 12 next week. Both are having parties at home, my daughter a Hawaiian party - I have got leis, blow up palm tress, inflatable limbo sticks a tropical photo wall. My son is having a Nerf battle, with hides made from pallets, camo paint, smoke bombs etc. I am known for going all out with the parties. I am also happy to host play dates and sleepovers, so other kids enjoy spending time here.

For me the worst thing is the lack of grandparents. No grandfathers - and grandmother's in their 80's. My mum has never had the children on her own and I don't mean using her as a babysitter, but just her hanging out and enjoying her grandchildren. She felt they were too much when were younger and now she is on the dementia road so is unable to have them. My MIL claims they are too noisey (just average kids) and she is too old. My DH and I are typical of the sandwhich generation dealing with young children and the demands of ageing parents. Don't regret a minute though.

Good luck OP.

First at 38, trying for another at 41. Got pregnant really easily at 38, taking longer now I’m 41.

NHS staff are the only ones that brought up my age. Geriatric mother at 38!

Gran had my mum when she was 44 and before the days of contraception, a mid 40s happy accident was quite common!

I had DS at 38. I only have the one so nothing to compare with. Pregnancy was fine. I found the early days very difficult, DS was a difficult baby, slightly premature, had colic, cried constantly.

Once he reached toddler stage I had no problems at all, but again, nothing to compare with. In my early 40's I was very careful around eating, exercise and what I wore as I would have been mortified if anyone had thought I was DS's gran. Didn't happen to me although DS has since told me that a child at his school had asked if I was his nan.

What I have found very difficult was being in my early 50's with the menopause, a teenager and very elderly parents. I had always planned to increase my hours at work when DS was older but it never happened due to having to care for my parents. Thankfully DS has not been too bad as a teenager, although they seem to have got harder as an older teen . DS doesn't seem to have a problem with us being older parents btw, he is still happy to come out with us - as long as we pay!

I had my Last at 38, it was all textbook healthy and lucky, and she was an easy baby. I didn’t feel any different to my first at 29 except I didn’t try with strict routines etc as by then I had worked out what works for me. So perhaps even slightly better!

Well op,.I am 39 and have my 2 year old sat on my lap (he is my 4th). Definatly more knacked this time around but like you I was SO broody. And the heart wants what the heart wants...and so we did it but with huge risks. It wss my 4th (complicated) section. I have complicated pregnancies filled with random stuff (hyperemisis, raised liver enzymes, too much water in the bump) I just don't do pregnancy well, but we were lucky. He is a beautiful clever boy. The whole family worship this kid and the older kids adore him. The sleep deprivation is a killer but he is worth it. If you can't shake the broody feeling you will probably just do it in the end. I think the regret that you didn't do it would be hard for a while once the fertility window shuts so yeah...crack on!

Had my third at 40 (first at 29, 2nd at 32) - he was a non-sleeper and I became so run down I got shingles - on my face! He's completely different to the older two though, very easy, sociable and a joiner - he'll join any activity, do anything, chat to anyone as he's so used to being round other children, adults etc and perhaps also very secure as the youngest with no-one close in age to compete with. He adores my 17 yo and she helps out with him very happily.

I didn't find it too much harder being older as I had plenty of experience from having the other two and am very laid back. It's not like having two close together which was a killer for me.
I am now 47 and am definitely an older mum at the school but not outrageously so. Plus I am very aware that my friends who had their two children at the same time I had my first two have more freedom, better social lives and more money and are nearly through with school whereas I have many years to go.

First at 33, second at 37 and gave birth to my third one month before my 42nd birthday.

Like some pp I just could not let go of my longing for another baby. I'm so glad we did it - DD2 is a joy to us all. But my God it is exhausting! She's nearly 3 now and things have started to get easier, but it's been a slog. Just don't seem to have the resilience I did when I was younger. There seems now to be a limit to how much I can live on caffeine and zero sleep!

I had my 1st at 23, 2nd at 25, 3rd at 29 and my 4th at 38

I’m now 43 and a single mum.......it’s tiring but great fun

I do need to work at staying slim......I’m 5’4 and weigh 9 stone.....I need to exercise to stay toned

Had mine at 39 and 41. Physically it was a breeze, I'm knackered but no more so than any new mum I don't think. My biggest regret is that the won't get long with their grandparents who are now all knocking eighty.

Had my last at 38 after having my others in my late 20s. The pregnancy was ok, pretty textbook really as was the birth. My god, he was a shocking sleeper though. Only started sleeping through recently at the age of 3! The lack of sleep has taken it's toll on my face I am alot more wrinkly and tired than I used to be! Also found it way more difficult to lose the baby weight this time round. I'm also dealing with a stroppy tween at the same time as dealing with my boisterous energetic 3 year old. Think carefully op.

Had my first at 38 and my second at 41. Not by choice life just happened that way.

It's VERY VERY hard. First at 38 was ok. I had been a teacher for many years so compared to teaching full time it was fine. After the second at 41 it has been really brutal. Most start peri-menopausal symptoms around age 40 despite still being very fertile. I am battling two very young children and a whole host of hormone issues. If I could choose I would have had both my children early 30s.

I'm always amazed on here as people seem to only think about the pregnancy when attempting a child in their late 30s and early 40s. That's just the very TIP of the iceberg.

If you can handle perimenopause PLUS a young child then good luck!

One tube doesn’t mean you will necessarily have problems just may take longer. I had a ruptured ectopic and conceived my 2nd on the 2nd cycle of trying.
I had my dd last year at 36. I am generally quite fit and healthy but it has been exhausting. I have a 3 yo to look after too. I go to bed early and live on strong coffee.
The first 5 months were the worst. It gets slightly easier with time and I look forward to sleeping again.

It's very hard when they hit the early teen years and you have perimenopause and knackered knees

I had dc4 at 41...(dc1 at 33, dc2 at 36, dc3 at 38)..

I’m exhausted but that’s because she’s a terrible sleeper - my worst - they’ve got progressively worse😩. My pregnancy was a bit tougher than my 1st & 2nd but easier than my 3rd. I lost the baby weight quickly with no’s 3 & 4...struggled to a bit with no.2...

Maybe this is family/cultural. I had ds at 45. DM had me at 42 and dsis at 44.

In the 70s it wasn’t rare to have a late baby. I don’t remember it causing any problems

reytmardy

I found the teen years easy- being an older mother I have been round the block many time and I felt very well equipped to deal with these years.

Had my third aged 41, other kids were 5&3 at the time. I’m exhausted but wouldn’t change a single thing! Having 3 is wonderful!