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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DP or his DD to pay for Taxi

97 replies

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 00:47

My DD (23) travelled to London to meet her best friend who is also my DP’s DD. Her friend lives a similar distance from London as my DD does so they both travelled 40 mins by train from their respective towns.

In London my DD suggested eating first to line their stomachs but her friend just wanted to drink and got very drunk as a result. (It happens and thats not what my AIBU is about). My DD called me and said her friend was vomiting and she was going to bring her back to mine if that’s ok. I said that’s fine and to look after her

An hour later my DD rang and was distraught. Her friend had committed all over the taxi and my Dds shoes and dress. She had no money on her so my daughter paid the taxi driver 200 pounds as compensation for the sick

My DD and her friend went to the loos in London to clean up. Then my DDs friend ditches her

My DD called panic stricken. She then received a voicemail from her friend saying she was on the train home. My DD had no idea what part of London she was in so my so. And his girlfriend got her to share her location and talked her directions to get her to London Bridge and safely on the train

I am livid that her friend did this to her but also she told her lies about me. She said that I had slagged ny DD off to her which is not true. I am shocked as her friend is like a DD to me and upset she would leave my Dd
Alone like that when she was trying to help her

Anyway. I messaged my DP and told him about this evenings events and he was dismissive just saying his DD is vulnerable when she drinks as she never eats when she goes out. No offer to repay my DD the money she paid the taxi driver and no concern that my DD is safely home or not. I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable as the girls are both 23. I’m just upset I guess

OP posts:
FirstAndLastAndAlways · 28/04/2019 00:51

That's absolutely awful behaviour from the friend, and the friend should be feeling out for that bill, and making a very huge apology to your daughter.

purpleme12 · 28/04/2019 00:53

You should definitely get the money back for your daughter

TinselAndKnickers · 28/04/2019 00:54

Huge apology needed & also a bank transfer.

just saying his DD is vulnerable when she drinks as she never eats when she goes out

That's her own choice to be stupid and get herself into such a state.

Teddybear45 · 28/04/2019 00:54

Your daughters are 23. I would have expected his daughter to be more considerate, and yours to be able to take a train in Central London. I have employees younger than them living by themselves in London ffs.

Homemadearmy · 28/04/2019 00:58

Honestly don't worry about it now, give the girls both time to sober up. Hopefully when the friend sobers up she will offer to pay your dd back.

ilovesooty · 28/04/2019 01:00

Was your daughter carrying more than £200 in cash? That doesn't sound very safe.
Her friend should of course repay her.

choli · 28/04/2019 01:00

They are both adults. Let them deal with it. Do you seriously think it is your part to get involved?

BritInUS1 · 28/04/2019 01:00

They are 23 why are you getting involved?

SandyY2K · 28/04/2019 01:16

Where did she come up with the figure of £200. If anything, I'd have given enough to get it valeted.

I understand there would be a loss of income for the night, but she didn't need to give that much money. £50 for a valet is really all the driver could have billed them for...as well as the fare.

Is the friend refusing to pay anything at all? I'm confused about how they got seperated.

With regards to getting home Google maps would have got your DD home okay.

I don't think your DDs friend has been appreciative of your DD for her help that evening... if I was her I would think twice about going out for a night on the town just the 2 of them in the future.

A quick drink and a meal is ok.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2019 01:19

At 23 that 200 quid is a very cheap lesson in what kind of friends to have. If she learns it now.

Italiangreyhound · 28/04/2019 01:19

Horrible behavior. Such a shame. I can certainly see why you would be involved. Just because your child is an adult, you still care when their friend treats them like shit.

Sad
Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 01:34

Thanks for the replies. I know they are 23 but it’s complicated by the fact I’m in a relationship with my DDs friends DF

I just thought he would have been more concerned when he could hear how worried I was about my DD. She’s has just got home now so feel better now I know she is safe. She said that’s it for their friendship now. She won’t trust her again. They have been best friends since the age of 5 so it is very sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 01:36

If her friend dosnt offer to pay. I will give my DD the money

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 28/04/2019 01:43

Don’t wait for the friend to offer!
Tell your DP she needs to pay.

choli · 28/04/2019 01:45

Where's her friend?

bridgetreilly · 28/04/2019 01:47

The friend needs to pay, but your DD doesn't need to wait for her to offer. She needs to text friend and let her know what she paid (friend probably doesn't remember) and why, and then ask for the money to be transferred to her account today.

And it's up to them to sort it out. The fact that you are in a relationship with the friend's father makes it even more important that you don't get involved.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 01:49

Her friend got home ages ago. They went to clean up after being kicked out of the taxi. And when my Dd was in the cubicle her friend ran off and then sent her a voicemail to say she was on the train home. She also messaged my DD to say she was safely at home. No asking after my Dd or apologising for running off without a word. I know she was drunk but I would always look out for my friend and vice verse not ditch them without a word. Especially after my Dd paying out for the mess in the taxi when she was sick. She’s just a selfish friend I guess

OP posts:
springydaff · 28/04/2019 02:11

Sounds like she may have an issue with the booze. Who goes out and purposefully doesn't eat so they get more pissed? People with a problem do that.

I'd take with a pinch of salt the lies she said about you. If she was pissed when she said it then it was the bottle speaking. Also the shocking behaviour when she was pissed - again, the bottle speaking. Not an excuse of course! but a reason.

However, I'd be concerned about your partner's response. How come he excuses her drinking? Is he a drinker?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 28/04/2019 02:28

If her friend dosnt offer to pay. I will give my DD the money

I honestly wouldn't do this unless your DD really needs the money to pay bills. This isn't your situation to sort out, it's between the two young adults to sort out.

Totally understand your concern about your DD getting home, we always worry about our children whatever age they are, but otherwise I'd stay out of it. It's one of those "life lessons". Glad everyone is home safely. Flowers

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/04/2019 02:31

Your DD's friend is an inconsiderate selfish arse, but then she was very drunk.

Your DP though - different story. His dismissive attitude to both his own DD's behaviour and your concerns for your DD being left like that, and paying for his DD's mess, is a really big issue for me and would potentially spell the end of the relationship. I think your DD should be paid back, and not by you! It's no concern of yours - either her friend or your DP should cover the money. If neither of them do, then both of you should cut all ties with both of them, and look on it as money well spent to rid yourselves of selfish users.

ZebrasAreBras · 28/04/2019 02:33

That is really strange and unreasonable behaviour on the part of the friend.

Although - one of my sisters used to get vv drunk on an empty stomach and would turn into someone I didn't recognise - she would take leave of her senses completely. She would end up in London without her bag, her shoes, even her phone - no sense of her own safety. She has lost boyfriends and friends over it. She has been v lucky nothing terrible has ever happened to her, many good samaritans have helped her, and my mum has driven into London to find her on more than one occasion.

I still remember the time she turned on me because she'd drunk so much at a family do, I could see her getting into this state. I said she'd had enough wine - she turned on me so aggressiveI, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I'd never had so much as a cross word from her before, or since. We have an excellent relationship. It wasn't my sister saying those things to me - it was the booze. She doesn't remember it.

So it could just be that the friend just gets so blotto she doesn't act responsibly or reasonably - literally not responsible for her own actions. Which is a serious alcohol problem - as my sister had. She has dealt with it now by not drinking on an empty stomach, and choosing less potent drinks.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 09:05

ZebrasAreBras I think that’s it. Out of interest, did your sister apologise for her actions when she sobered up

OP posts:
KnifeAngel · 28/04/2019 09:08

Why did she pay £200? £20 would have been more than enough to get the taxi cleaned. I don't think you are getting the full story.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 10:07

The taxi driver said the policy was if someone is sick in the cab they have to take it off road for the rest of the night so the 200 covers not just cleaning but loss of earnings

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 10:09

To be fair to the taxi driver she was sick everywhere. All over the seat and also my DDs shoes and dress, hence them going to the loo to clean up afterwards. I don’t think my DD was as upset about the money as she was about her friend just ditching her when she was in the cubicle

OP posts: