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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DP or his DD to pay for Taxi

97 replies

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 00:47

My DD (23) travelled to London to meet her best friend who is also my DP’s DD. Her friend lives a similar distance from London as my DD does so they both travelled 40 mins by train from their respective towns.

In London my DD suggested eating first to line their stomachs but her friend just wanted to drink and got very drunk as a result. (It happens and thats not what my AIBU is about). My DD called me and said her friend was vomiting and she was going to bring her back to mine if that’s ok. I said that’s fine and to look after her

An hour later my DD rang and was distraught. Her friend had committed all over the taxi and my Dds shoes and dress. She had no money on her so my daughter paid the taxi driver 200 pounds as compensation for the sick

My DD and her friend went to the loos in London to clean up. Then my DDs friend ditches her

My DD called panic stricken. She then received a voicemail from her friend saying she was on the train home. My DD had no idea what part of London she was in so my so. And his girlfriend got her to share her location and talked her directions to get her to London Bridge and safely on the train

I am livid that her friend did this to her but also she told her lies about me. She said that I had slagged ny DD off to her which is not true. I am shocked as her friend is like a DD to me and upset she would leave my Dd
Alone like that when she was trying to help her

Anyway. I messaged my DP and told him about this evenings events and he was dismissive just saying his DD is vulnerable when she drinks as she never eats when she goes out. No offer to repay my DD the money she paid the taxi driver and no concern that my DD is safely home or not. I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable as the girls are both 23. I’m just upset I guess

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 28/04/2019 10:13

Taxis round here charge extra if the car needs to be taken off the road, cleaning and loss of earnings (why should a taxi driver be out of pocket because a passenger can't handle their drink?)

I also agree your DD shouldn't be out of pocket and that her friend pulled a nasty stunt letting her pay £200 and then disappearing. For those saying she was drunk as an excuse, she was coherent enough to get herself to the train station, on a train (apparently without money) and home, and to send OPs DD a text saying she was home safe. So clearly not that bloody hammered!

OP I'd be furious, and I'd be pissed off with your DPs attitude too. Better believe if the shoe was on the other foot he wouldn't be happy with your DD one bit!

Don't you pay the £200 though, it's his DD who owes your DD. So either she pays or your DP does.

Cherrysoup · 28/04/2019 10:14

Friend need to pay back your dd. Disgusting behaviour.

numptysod · 28/04/2019 10:17

The charge is for valet but also loss of earnings as most valets don’t work at night time so driver would of lost earnings.

timeisnotaline · 28/04/2019 10:22

I guess your dd messages her and says taxi charged £200 for your vomit please transfer. Then if she doesnt you say to your dp that your dd and her friends have agreed that if out with his dd and she is vomiting ill they should just dump her, given how she treats people. They all said one else wants to be caught short £200 for her after your dd was.

timeisnotaline · 28/04/2019 10:23

I’d pay the £200 in the end though, my daughter was being kind.

Iloveacurry · 28/04/2019 10:28

Firstly her friend shouldn’t of left her in the toilets. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’m sure your DP wouldn’t of been happy if your DD left his DD in that position.

Secondly your DD is owed the money back either from her friend or your DP.

Thirdly your DP was dismissive about your DD. I’d be rethinking my relationship with him if I was you.

poglets · 28/04/2019 10:31

I'm afraid they are 23 and this is a good lesson for your daughter. She must deal with it herself.

Girls going out and getting legless and then leaving themselves vulnerable is not the way forward. Your daughter did the good thing and helped her friend. I am afraid I wouldn't want to be friends with the girl again - it's an expensive lesson that will teach your daughter to pick her friends more wisely and be cautious around alcohol and people who drink.

Yes, they should have offered to pay. Your daughter really needs to be sorting her own problems out at her age. It will make her strong.

Sorry, OP.

Summersunsareglowing · 28/04/2019 10:33

I don't think you should give your DD £200. I think she needs to just accept this as a lesson learned.

What I do think is that your DP isn't very nice for not showing more concern. I'd bin him.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 10:34

Yes. I have just received a text from my DP. A breezy. “Good morning. Did everyone get home safely last night xx”. That’s really annoyed me. I was up all night worrying. My DP lives 2 hours away from me and his DD lives in another town. He hadn’t even checked his own DD was Ok or appreciated I was worried and anxious about her until I knew she was safe. I know they are 23 but she is still my DD and was so upset on the phone. I was worried and upset for her

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 28/04/2019 10:34

Ditch the DP.

He and his DD sound like they deserve each other.

ohfourfoxache · 28/04/2019 10:36

The friend sounds incredibly selfish and immature.....does her father enable her behaviour?

Highfivemum · 28/04/2019 10:36

I would not even use the word friend !!! She crossed the line when she ran off leaving your daughter. She was sober enough to get the right train and get home and text ur daughter so she was sober enough to know she had left her. For the getting drunk and being sick that can be forgiven with flowers an apology and 200 pound given back. For the leaving ur daughter in London that is not forgivable. Ur daughters have been friends for a long time but we do not alway run pararel to each other. They have moved on in different directions.
In another note ur DP should be more supportive. He is obvious only concerned with his DD

diddl · 28/04/2019 10:37

It sounds as if your partner was dismissive as there was no consequence for his daughter.

She did what she wanted & got home OK.

Hopefully your daughter gets repaid her money & cuts ties with this "friend".

You might want to think about your relationship with your partner also.

rainbowstardrops · 28/04/2019 10:37

No wonder your DD's friend acts like she does if she's got a useless father! He sounds selfish and thoughtless.
Like father like daughter

Dishwashersaurous · 28/04/2019 10:40

You need to separate your relationship from the girls friendship.

This is an issue with the girls for them to resolve

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2019 10:40

Gosh what are your dp and dsd like normally? That’s a lot of lack of consideration.

NomNomNomNom · 28/04/2019 10:41

I wonder if you're getting the full story. What does the other girl say happened? Either way I wouldn't worry too much about the who went where on what train and why when they were all drunk but I do think the other girl should pay towards the taxi.

PerfectPenquins · 28/04/2019 10:41

The friend and her dad seem very selfish, dead weight. No ones needs friends or partners so inconsiderate of others.

Purplejay · 28/04/2019 10:45

Not sure why people think DP should pay - his daughter is 23!

However his lack of concern for their safety and his daughters behaviour would bother me.

Your DD should ask for the £200 taxi money from her friend. I wouldn’t offer it unless the friend refuses and you DD is left with bills she can’t pay.

CoraPirbright · 28/04/2019 10:47

Easy to see where the daughter gets her attitude from when her dad doesn’t seem to give a stuff.

I would tell your dd to just message her friend saying “here are my bank details so that you can transfer the £200” as if it is totally a given that she should fit the bill. There should be absolutely no argument at all - if she gets so paralytic that she chunders all over the cab then that bill is hers and hers alone.

Cant quite understand why everyone is questioning the figure. I think £200 is about right when you also consider loss of earnings for that night and also the general irritation of having to get a cab valeted because of someone else’s twatty behaviour.

SandyY2K · 28/04/2019 10:47

And when my Dd was in the cubicle her friend ran off and then sent her a voicemail to say she was on the train home

She wasn't that drunk then. Awful behaviour.

I can understand you giving your DD the money.. or at least some of it. I'd do the same.

Ppl seem to think you stop being a parent when your child is 18...because they are legally an adult.

They are still young and dont have the benefit of life experience like we do.

Your DDs friend is selfish. Your DD should summarise what happened in a text to her friend and ask for some of the cash. I doubt she'll get £200 though.

You know I was thinking...this can be a problem when you get with the parent of your child's friend. It can be an issue for the child and parent. Your loyalty will be with your child or your parent and you feel torn.

Slightly unrelated...I was talking to a man recently who has been having an affair with his step sister for years. They're not married to others...but her dad caught them once when they were teens and forbade them to be together... he said it was too weird and incest like.

CoraPirbright · 28/04/2019 10:48

Gah! *foot the bill, not fit

Snuffalo · 28/04/2019 10:49

This made absolutely no sense to me, however if you used the words 'daughter', 'stepdaughter', and 'partner' it would have been fine.

Margot33 · 28/04/2019 10:49

Your daughter has learned a lesson. To not go out with this friend again. The friend should be repaying this £200, but you can't force her to.

AliceRR · 28/04/2019 10:50

I think the issue for you is not your DD’s friend but her father / your partner

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