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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my DP or his DD to pay for Taxi

97 replies

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 00:47

My DD (23) travelled to London to meet her best friend who is also my DP’s DD. Her friend lives a similar distance from London as my DD does so they both travelled 40 mins by train from their respective towns.

In London my DD suggested eating first to line their stomachs but her friend just wanted to drink and got very drunk as a result. (It happens and thats not what my AIBU is about). My DD called me and said her friend was vomiting and she was going to bring her back to mine if that’s ok. I said that’s fine and to look after her

An hour later my DD rang and was distraught. Her friend had committed all over the taxi and my Dds shoes and dress. She had no money on her so my daughter paid the taxi driver 200 pounds as compensation for the sick

My DD and her friend went to the loos in London to clean up. Then my DDs friend ditches her

My DD called panic stricken. She then received a voicemail from her friend saying she was on the train home. My DD had no idea what part of London she was in so my so. And his girlfriend got her to share her location and talked her directions to get her to London Bridge and safely on the train

I am livid that her friend did this to her but also she told her lies about me. She said that I had slagged ny DD off to her which is not true. I am shocked as her friend is like a DD to me and upset she would leave my Dd
Alone like that when she was trying to help her

Anyway. I messaged my DP and told him about this evenings events and he was dismissive just saying his DD is vulnerable when she drinks as she never eats when she goes out. No offer to repay my DD the money she paid the taxi driver and no concern that my DD is safely home or not. I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable as the girls are both 23. I’m just upset I guess

OP posts:

AhhhHereItGoes · 28/04/2019 11:28

I'd give your DD the money and ditch the DP.

It's his daughters responsibility to not be vulnerable when out and she should be able to compensate when she's sober.

I think they are both tag alongs tbh.

Original poster

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 11:29

Thanks for all the responses I think I will back away and let her resolve it but my thoughts about the blasé response from her dad have unsettled me. Thanks again. It’s been helpful to see both sides

OP posts:

Lweji · 28/04/2019 11:30

See how it goes. This happened tonight and the two young women (!) may still sort it out without any fuss. At least allow her some time to get over her hangover.

But I would be telling DP that I don't think a 23 year old needs "looking out for". And if she does, then she should be moving in with her dad (or mum if relevant).

Original poster

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 11:33

The ironic thing is one of the reasons she is returning is to be near my DD

OP posts:

AnnieCat84 · 28/04/2019 11:34

I don't think this is hugely unusual for 23 year olds, sadly. But I agree with what others have said that her friend must pay back the £200 and apologise. A straight message with bank details and a request to transfer the money by the end of the day would be enough. It's not ok for your daughter to have to pick up that bill! Maybe next time your they go out together your daughter will be more wary!

BlueCornishPixie · 28/04/2019 11:36

Your DD just needs to message to say here's my details transfer me the 200. No waiting for her to offer, her friend owes her that money full stop.

I don't think there's anything wrong with ringing your mum in this situation ! The DD was drunk, upset and alone somewhere she's not familiar with, she's not from London. It's perfectly normal to panic in that situation, and pretty sensible to ring a parent, or friend rather than have your phone out following Google maps, having your phone out as an alone drunk woman leaves you quite vunerable, talking to someone removes a small amount of that vunerability. Have some fucking empathy fgs!

On a thread where the OP is older, and is vulnerable in someway, e.g. recent stone moving thread people will often say, can't you ring your parents, go to your mum's. A relationship breakdown its always "talk to your mum. Get someone to be with you. Why is that a perfectly valid choice for someone in their 30s but not for 18-25.

I also don't understand what lesson the DD is supposed to be learning from this, don't help your friends when their drunk? Don't pay taxi drivers what their owed? Yeah okay maybe she's learnt her friends a shit but it's not really a valuable life lesson.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 28/04/2019 11:40

Hi OP

Her friend's behaviour was pretty awful. Has she apologised to your daughter at all?

The day after is always going to be difficult but hopefully things will calm down in the next few days - it does all seem a bit dramatic.

Has your daughter actually asked for the money back or told her friend she was upset at being ditched? She should at least tell her and give her chance to apologise. No need for her to do anything else than state the facts. 'I'm not sure what you remember but when you were sick in the taxi, the driver demanded £200 and you didn't have any money so I had to pay for you. Heres a link to my account to transfer the money, please could you let me know when it's done. You also just disappeared when I was cleaning your vomit off my dress in the toilets. I was worried about you given the state you were in and also didn't really like being left in the middle of London when I didn't know where I was, I'd have preferred us to stick together'. When she's got the money back it's up to her how much she wants to see her. I'd keep my distance not for the drunken behaviour unless it's a regular thing but for the lies and the digs which sound calculated and nasty

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 28/04/2019 11:41

Also I'd always always make sure someone had emptied their stomach and finished being sick before putting them in a taxi

Outanabout · 28/04/2019 11:48

I'd consider this incident an eye-opener for both your DD and you. Of course a parent would still be concerned about 23-year-olds. You'd worry about a friend in this situation, never mind your own child. It's odd that your partner isn't concerned.

Dvg · 28/04/2019 11:48

I would not be friends with her anymore and would be having serious words with DP... at the end of the day his DD left a young girl in London most likely really late at night on her own! I would never do that to someone.

Plus i doubt it was because of the drink if she managed to run off and catch a train home safely and text your DD to say she had done that.

Funnyface1 · 28/04/2019 11:49

When you're that drunk you don't make sensible decisions. How she handles it now is what you need to judge her on. Not a great response from her dad though and that would bother me.

TidyDancer · 28/04/2019 11:55

Your DD has to ask for the money back. How this friend responds will tell your DD whether there is any hope for the friendship.

Original poster

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 12:03

She has apologised to my DD. I asked if she offered to repay her but my DD said she hasn’t said anything yet as they are too hung over. I will let them sort it out. Thanks for the support. I appreciate all the comments. I am very close to my DD as I was with my own DM. Even in my 50s I turned to her when my life was going through a bad patch. I guess I learnt to be the same with my DD. In other areas she is very independent. Had a good job and is always looking out for others. She has just applied and got into Uni as she has decided to change her career. So although she comes to me for help and support she is also very competent in other areas. On the words my mum used just before she passed “everyone’s different”. And I suppose some need more guidance than others in life

OP posts:

outsho · 28/04/2019 12:08

They are adults and not barely adults either, they’re almost in their mid twenties. I don’t think you or DP should be getting involved although I do think his DD should pay yours back.

theWarOnPeace · 28/04/2019 12:18

Jen in your OP you say your DD rang at various points during the night. That’s where my interpretation of repeated updates was coming from. I was completely and utterly alone in the world at 23, so maybe my judgement is clouded, but the gist of it is - you are getting involved about your DD’s night out before she herself has even had a chance to speak to her friend properly.

Obviously you were worried when she was stranded, that’s understandable. But your OP does suggest repeated updates throughout the night, and that you yourself have taken on the task of dealing with the resulting issues.

All I’m trying to say really, is that until they definitely are unable to resolve it between them, this isn’t something you need to be ringing or messaging or texting anyone else about. Let your DD sound off about her crap night out, main about her friend, even. Until she makes an attempt to sort it with her own friend, just leave it. They’re adults. That’s my first response to anybody who ever tells me they have a problem with another person - have you spoken to them about it yet? Until they have, you’re going round in circles dealing with other adults and their issues.

Karwomannghia · 28/04/2019 12:20

Of course you’d help and advise your children at any age especially if they ask. The other dd clearly can’t handle her drink, behaved very badly to your dd and your dp is trying to make light of it all. I would not be impressed.

ZoeWashburne · 28/04/2019 12:47

They are far too old for mummy and daddy getting involved in their issues. Let you DD handle it. Do you think she might need more guidance because you don’t let her handle things on her own? Learned dependency is a real problem.

There is a difference between saying “wow that must have been stressful” and getting cross on her behalf, and talking to her father to sort it out.

HBStowe · 28/04/2019 12:50

His DD should definitely be paying your DD back, and if I were you I would seriously counsel your DD against going out drinking with the other girl again. At 23 she should absolutely know better, which means she doesn’t want to change. It’s not fair on your DD to be put in this position.

paradisehome · 28/04/2019 13:30

My partner a taxi driver takes weeks to get rid of sick smell!

So could face passengers getting in then out to go to another cab in rank!

Valets charge more for sick in taxi, proper valet £50-£80 quid, all valets will take 1/2 hours doing so then few hours to dry out especially with sick removal, they don't work after 6pm to 8am next day so cab could be off service for 1/2 days, at £200/£250 days earnings in London.

London transport have spare buses.
Taxi drivers only have one car.

Taxi driver charges for half a shift
And valet only. Yet could of off for following evening too.

Original poster

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 13:32

She rang twice. Once to ask if it was ok if her friend stayed at mine as she was very drunk and being sick and my Dd didn’t want her going home alone and the second time she called was when she was stranded

OP posts:

Original poster

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 13:37

paradisehome. I completely understand the taxi charging that amount it’s only fair if his cabs been taken out of service and he had lost earnings.

OP posts:

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 28/04/2019 16:07

I think the "lesson" is that anyone, even lifelong friends, can be a twat sometimes! The things I'd take away from this are:

Insist that you eat something before drinking - the OP said that her DD suggested it, but the friend refused. Next time, she'll insist!

Realise that everyone has different attitudes towards money. I'm sure that the OP and her DD would have already have asked their friend exactly what happened if they couldn't remember and offered to pay back any expenses. This girl and her Dad haven't reacted in the same way (yet).

I had this "lesson" in my 20's as well. I lent a friend some money (more than 200) assuming it would be paid back as soon as possible...I'm still waiting 20 years later. It won't be repaid, because they don't think it's a priority. I wouldn't be comfortable knowing I owed someone.

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