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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DP or his DD to pay for Taxi

97 replies

Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 00:47

My DD (23) travelled to London to meet her best friend who is also my DP’s DD. Her friend lives a similar distance from London as my DD does so they both travelled 40 mins by train from their respective towns.

In London my DD suggested eating first to line their stomachs but her friend just wanted to drink and got very drunk as a result. (It happens and thats not what my AIBU is about). My DD called me and said her friend was vomiting and she was going to bring her back to mine if that’s ok. I said that’s fine and to look after her

An hour later my DD rang and was distraught. Her friend had committed all over the taxi and my Dds shoes and dress. She had no money on her so my daughter paid the taxi driver 200 pounds as compensation for the sick

My DD and her friend went to the loos in London to clean up. Then my DDs friend ditches her

My DD called panic stricken. She then received a voicemail from her friend saying she was on the train home. My DD had no idea what part of London she was in so my so. And his girlfriend got her to share her location and talked her directions to get her to London Bridge and safely on the train

I am livid that her friend did this to her but also she told her lies about me. She said that I had slagged ny DD off to her which is not true. I am shocked as her friend is like a DD to me and upset she would leave my Dd
Alone like that when she was trying to help her

Anyway. I messaged my DP and told him about this evenings events and he was dismissive just saying his DD is vulnerable when she drinks as she never eats when she goes out. No offer to repay my DD the money she paid the taxi driver and no concern that my DD is safely home or not. I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable as the girls are both 23. I’m just upset I guess

OP posts:
Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 10:52

The other day my friend's DD was sick in London Uber. She was asking to pay £30.

rwalker · 28/04/2019 10:53

Think you need to back off you keep saying you know there 23 then get involved like there 12. It's between the girls to sort out wouldn't drag dp into it. As a parent of an adult child I wouldn't except to pay for this it's down to them . Tbh at 23 wouldn't think of keeping tabs on them to see if they got home they are ADULTS

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 10:54

Tell him you owe my DD £200 and an apology from your daughter.

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 10:55

I wouldn't have paid, tbh. They would have taken her details for her to pay. But the your DD was helping her friend.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 28/04/2019 10:56

Seems to me that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

Itssosunny · 28/04/2019 10:56

What if the father or your DP doesn't pay you? I would probably tell him to fuck off. Seriously.

theWarOnPeace · 28/04/2019 11:01

Has she directly asked for the taxi money back? Maybe your DP didn’t offer to pay back because he assumed the two fully grown adults were sorting it out themselves.

I’m quite shocked that your DD contacted you throughout the evening to relay everything that was happening, and that she didn’t know how to get home. Has the friend actually had a chance to properly wake up and sober up yet and offer the money back or even properly discuss it?

I don’t think that you or your DP should be dealing with this at this stage, and are doing your DD no favours by getting so involved in her friendships. I do understand that the friend is your step daughter, and obviously if they can’t resolve it themselves then eventually you may wish to discuss it with them both, but right now these two adults need to manage themselves.

You can’t pay your daughter back, why would you do that? She can ask the friend directly first. Give them a chance to be adults for goodness sake. Sounds like you’ve wrapped your daughter up in cotton wool and want to referee her friendships, which is not normal. Let her deal with it, it’s not even something most parents would know about in the middle of the night. How many people on here, at 23, would have been giving their mum a blow by blow account of a drunken night out with a mate, even when the mate is being a dick?

Lweji · 28/04/2019 11:03

FGS, two adult DDs. And yours doesn't even live with you. Let them sort out the issue between them and STAY OUT of IT.

In particular, don't let it spoil your relationship.

Also tell your DD not to call mummy panic striken because she doesn't know where she is in London. Doesn't she have google maps on her phone and GPS? This is 2019, fcou.

Drum2018 · 28/04/2019 11:04

If her friend dosnt offer to pay. I will give my DD the money

Screw that! Text your dp back and tell him that your dd expects her £200 back by end of today. And tell your dd to text her 'friend' and say the same. Why should you be out of pocket. If neither are forthcoming with the money I'd be rethinking the relationship.

BlackCatSleeping · 28/04/2019 11:07

I'm sort of torn about this, as your daughter is 23 and needs to sort this out herself. I think she needs to reconsider this friendship. I definitely wouldn't be giving her the 200 pounds. That doesn't teach her anything. She needs to woman up and ask her friend for the money. It's not really down to your DP to pay either.

BrokenWing · 28/04/2019 11:09

Agree with a pp, your daughter is home safe, this is now entirely between the two adult 23 year olds to sort out between themselves.

Why should your dp pay when he wasn't even there!

LillithsFamiliar · 28/04/2019 11:12

I'd stay out of it. They're in their 20's. They've been friends since childhood. Let them navigate their own way through this. I wouldn't let it impact on your relationship with DP. He obviously has a more hands-off approach and since they're in their 20's, I don't think he's wrong to just let them get on with it.

Lweji · 28/04/2019 11:13

Hmmm. Are you sure the one who was drunk wasn't your DD?

Russell19 · 28/04/2019 11:15

Lots of harsh posts.... I would have contacted my mum for help if I was OPs daughter at 23. Nothing wrong with that at all. I think it's actually nice and is a reflection of what a close relationship they must have. Surely any mum would want their daughter who was alone in an unfamiliar place to feel like they can call for reassurance or to be calmed down? I would anyway Grin

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 11:15

I can see it’s not really anything to do with me or my DP but it will cause issues. She is moving back to our hometown soon after being made redundant. Her DP asked me to look out for her as she will be living near me and without an income until she finds a job. My DD wants nothing more to do with her so it is all very messed her up really

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 28/04/2019 11:15

Text him back. Tell him you are somewhat taken aback at the behaviour of his DD and his easy dismisaal of it. Your DD is owed £200 and an apology.

If he continues to dismiss this then I too would seriosuly rethink the relationship. And your DD needs to do what she thinks best about her friendship too - that apple doesn't seem to have fallen too far from the tree, as they say!

Serin · 28/04/2019 11:16

I'd be furious that she told your DD you were "slagging her off".
If this is true what an absolute little shit stirrer she is.

escapade1234 · 28/04/2019 11:16

People get drunk and do stupid things. We understand that. But when she’s sobered up the girl needs to pay up for the taxi she wrecked and apologise to your daughter.

It’s simple.

23 is young for some. I had a gap year and had only just graduated at that age. I definitely didn’t feel like an adult. I’m sure my parents gave me a few nudges along the way, not helicoptering but guiding. It’s a shame your DP thinks his role is over because his daughter is technically an adult.

She definitely needs to pay. I sympathise with the taxi driver. Posters suggesting £20 or even £50 are clueless. Late at night in central London - who’s going to valet your taxi and have it back on the road for you to finish a day’s work? No, it’s off the road for the rest of the night and well into the next day. Loss of income.

Sturmundcalm · 28/04/2019 11:20

transport for london soiling charge is £60 so I think your daughter has been overcharged, and she should pursue that. she should also be making it clear to her friend that she's owed the money though.

theWarOnPeace · 28/04/2019 11:20

Russell I agree that a daughter should feel comfortable with their mum, and absolutely should feel able to call if they’re stuck. But. She gave her a constant update of the night, culminating in not being able to find her way around in a easily navigated city. That doesn’t strike me as calling in an emergency, but an overly invested mum and an overly reliant daughter. Who texts or calls their mum throughout a night out? That’s what I’m saying. The idea that the DP needs to resolve this is laughable. The two WOMEN can handle their own problem. I’m not even seeing where the daughter has asked her fiend directly for the money back - this is all about the parents, which is bizarre!

LillithsFamiliar · 28/04/2019 11:22

Do you think your DD is deliberately trying to make this your problem and get you to choose sides? eg by calling, by telling you her drunk friend said mean things about you, etc. I wonder if this is connected to the friend moving closer. Perhaps your DD just wants to reassert that her relationship with you is the most important one, and she doesn't want you to slip into a stepmum relationship with her friend.

Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 11:22

She didn’t give me a constant update of the night. She rang once to tell me she was lost in London and explained why

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 11:25

To be honest she does occasionally say things to her dad that have upset me. She told him that I eat all the time. Which I don’t and am like a lot of women on a diet and wary of my intake. My DP said his DD tells him I eat all the time when she is with me. I was a bit shocked she said that as it’s
Simply not true

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenasaurus · 28/04/2019 11:27

My DD adored her friend and there would be no jealousy over my relationship with her either. I was planning on taking her on holiday with me and my DD this year we were all looking forward to it. Maybe it can be salvaged but my eyes are now open

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 28/04/2019 11:27

I would consider my adult daughter stuck in a city she didn't know with no means of getting home an emergency! Especially if she had been ditched by a so called friend in the process.

I don't get the impression she was constantly texting OP, from the OP I gathered that she'd called when she found herself alone, covered in someone else's vomit and unable to find her way home.

Who on earth else can you call then if it's not your Mum?