To think that if you are committed enough to decide to have children....

[Oakenbeach]

....you should also be committed enough to each other to get married (assuming that you don’t have any objections to marriage in principle), and that it makes no sense at all for couples to plan to have children (and I stress ‘plan’) before deciding whether to get married.

I suppose marriage could protect you if your husband has a lot of stocks, shares, savings or investments in their name, so if you did split you'd be entitled to half. DP doesn't though! The only thing of value we have is the house, which is jointly own 50/50. We've agreed that if we did ever split, I would stay in the house until youngest is 18 and then we'd sell it and split the equity.

I fail to see how marriage could protect me? I work full time and could support myself if needs be.

I agree with you. I'd obviously never say anything to anyone in real life.

I know you can get married on the cheap, but it's still money that could be better used elsewhere, rather than on a bit of paper that will change nothing.

Legally that bit of paper changes everything.

But as you were.

Silly to you yet 100% sensible to me, as not being married benefits me as well as not being my cup of tea.

What is insulting, as in actual proper use of the word, is the assumption that women who aren't married are thickos. You know funnily enough the other day I was asked how come me and dp aren't married, the person actually couldn't believe it when I said it was my choice, I didn't want to get married, and kept saying not to worry, he'll ask me one day . There was a sympathetic armpat as well. Twat.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3570758-So-angry-I-want-to-tell-my-exh-what-a-shit-he-is?trending=1

This current thread shows just how little marriage protects. This poor poster can't even get her 25 quid maintenance from her ex husband who is apparently swanning off on posh hols.

English The marriage vows:

"For the avoidance of sin, the procreation of children and mutual comfort". We switched ours to read:

"For mutual comfort, the procreation of children and the avoudance of sin"

@YetAnotherSpartacus

I keep thinking of King Canute trying to hold back the sea with faith or whatever it was

King canute was trying to demonstrate to his followers that the monarch WASN'T divine by showing that the tide would rise whatever commands he gave it.

Here's some advice re how to protect next of kin rights etc without marriage.

www.slatergordon.co.uk/media-centre/blog/2017/05/does-the-common-law-next-of-kin-exist/

The solution is not marriage, it's to protect your earning potential by not giving up work. Marriage benefits men, protecting your financial security protects women.

legally that bit of paper changes everything

But not in a way that will benefit my life, so what's the point!

@OhTheRoses I don't understand why you have addressed that to me?

King canute was trying to demonstrate to his followers that the monarch WASN'T divine by showing that the tide would rise whatever commands he gave it

Oh right - so who was it that tried to hold back the sea with will or faith?

Anyway, I think the thread has moved on!

@Ithinkmycatisevil I wish people would read previous posts. It is not just a 'piece of paper', it is LEGAL PROTECTION for women (and men).

If it was 'just a piece of paper' then gay couples would not have fought SO HARD for the right to get married. How quickly we take things for granted.

I think each couple to their own, although it can be a concern if not being married leaves a woman financially vulnerable.

My husband and I would never have actively tried for children without being married, it’s just how we both are, same as our own sets of parents we wanted marriage first and then babies. However if we’d had a happy accident that would of course have been fine and I wouldn’t have been rushing to get married because I was pregnant. But equally I understand why many couples aren’t bothered about marriage. You can be committed to each other without a marriage certificate and not committed to each other with one.

But not in a way that will benefit my life, so what's the point!

I seriously think that the point is that some see marriage as the pinnacle of existence and the gold standard and evidence that they have 'made it' and having others not only saying that 'it's not for me' in a personal sense but also trying to change the rules so that it is no longer the norm threatens their place in the social hierarchy.

I don't care whether other parents are married or not. That's their own business.

I was never particularly interested in marriage (and yes, I'm well aware of the legal ramifications). DP proposed after 5 years, which I gladly accepted, but I certainly hadn't spent time 'waiting for a ring' and it just wasn't a priority for me. Other things were, such as developing my career. It took another 5 years for us to get around to doing the deed, and when we did it took a mere two months to plan and execute the whole thing. The 'big' wedding wasn't a point of interest to us, either.

In the interim my parents died, and we decided it would be a good idea that we were both protected in the event that anything were to happen to either one of us. Sounds very unromantic, but the day itself was anything but, and being married has always felt special (albeit I retained my original name).

People have different priorities. The only issues arise when one partner wants marriage and the other doesn't. Yes, it changes the legal position but a piece of paper isn't a guarantee of anything.

But not in a way that will benefit my life, so what's the point!

I wasn't suggesting you run out and get married. I was saying that actually the piece of paper DOES change everything. I think your view of marriage is a bit unreal tbh as you seem to think the only thing that would change is your name, which is actually the one thing that wouldn't change, unless you changed it!

Perhaps you should have a read about the legality before making ridiculous assumptions.

For those of you, like me, who for any readon chose not to get married. Please i would urge you to make sure your wills are properly prepared and up to date.

I don't mean to be all doom and gloom.. But tragedy does and did happen to us. And it was only when it did, that i realised that 30 years together didn't make me next of kin.

Making dealing with the estate a lot more difficult than it should have been

@GoosetheCat

Yabu. I would love to get married, but realistically at the moment my DP and I simply can't afford it. My DS is now 4 months and he was planned.

@FineWordsForAPorcupine

You can get married for £120. And a baby is....cheaper than that???!

Exactly! Makes no sense at all to say you can't afford to get married, when you can (seemingly) afford a baby!

And as for the 'it's only a piece of paper' brigade... I don't know whether to facepalm or PMSL! Some people really believe this guff don't they?!

@Lunafortjest

I stand corrected. I always assumed that gay people fort so hard so that their relationships would be seen as equal in importance and commitment to each other as those of straight people.
I didn't realise it was so they could protect themselves financially.

Apologies for my ignorance.

.

Fought, apologies also for my terrible English 😂

@YetAnotherSpartacus (post above) I think there's a lot in what you've said. I still bridle at the oft-but-barely-disguised, sexist assumption that the measure of a woman's worth is the ability to get and keep a man.

Reminds me of Lord Byron's words of wisdom: 'man's love is of man's life a thing apart / tis woman's whole existence'.

Bllx to that noise.

This current thread shows just how little marriage protects. This poor poster can't even get her 25 quid maintenance from her ex husband who is apparently swanning off on posh hols.

That doesn't show anything about the protection of marriage. That shows the problems of divorce. They are connected, but not the same entirely.

"But tragedy does and did happen to us. And it was only when it did, that i realised that 30 years together didn't make me next of kin."

Exactly, as many gay couples during marriage equality debates attested to.

@LunafortJest Gay people weren't fighting for the right to protect themselves financially.