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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave a 2 year old for 10 mins

726 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 27/04/2019 03:30

2 year old asleep in a cot they can't get out of. Needed to pop to the shops. 10 minutes away if that, child asleep the whole time, doors locked etc. Friend is horrified. WIBU?

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 01/05/2019 21:53

....what happened on here?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 01/05/2019 22:26

@Biancadelrioisback

In summary...

Most people said they wouldn't do it
Some people said they might
Some people said they had but wouldn't again
Some people said they would
One person got very invested
Someone said something and someone responded with something else
This little piggy had roast beef
There was a lot of to-ing and fro-ing
It all went a bit handbags after that
We are a big clique
We all have sad lives
We are a nest of vipers
The end

Sofagirl · 01/05/2019 23:32

And then killed the Night King

The end

Well almost

Three more episodes to go...

Biancadelrioisback · 02/05/2019 08:11

But what happened to the big bad wolf? Did he get his comeuppance? And are we a clique like High School Musical (stick to the status quo) or a clique like Mean Girls (on Wednesdays, we wear pink)?

FWIW, I wouldn't leave my child alone. I'd be very surprised to find out someone did. But I leave my child in the car to pay at the petrol station which I know causes outrage on here so I guess no one is perfect.

Theoldwoman · 02/05/2019 08:19

Definitely.

Many moons ago in my home town a wee girl around 2yrs died when her Mum did this. (she woke and choked to death on a button)

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/05/2019 08:48

This is upsetting, but I feel I should tell it. About 40 years ago. My mums ex boyfriends sister. Left her 2 little ones to run over to her neighbours across thr road to borrow something. Shed been gone less than a few minutes. In that time the house caught fire, and sadly claimed yhr lives of those poor little boys.
They'd been playing with aerosols near the fire.
I'd never blame the poor women. Shed never have taken the risk had she known. She obviously thought it'd be okay. No one can hurt her anymore, and I can only imagine in fact I wouldnt even want to imagine how bad she feels.

JessieMcJessie · 02/05/2019 10:38

That is a tragic story Awwlook but surely the risk was amplified massively by them being older children with access to aerosols and a fire? Of course it is madness to leave children alone for a millisecond in that environment.

The scenario in the OP is a small child in a safe cot that it cannot climb out of.

Bear in mind that the vast majority of children that age sleep in their own rooms so are effectively left unsupervised all night every night. Yes, of course the parent is in the next room and will wake and come running if they hear anything, but that doesn’t prevent the basic risk of the child deciding that this is the time he or she will manage to climb out. Personally I addressed that as far as I could by making sure there was nothing dangerous in the room, all heavy furniture tethered to the wall, doors to all rooms apart from ours all closed and a stair gate on the stairs.

I did say to OP way back that I would not leave my child in the scenario described, and I still feel instinctively that I would not. However at that age and level of mobility there are lots of ways to minimise the risks. And once they can get out of the cot that is game over- they are much more of a danger to themselves from that point until about age 12!

vdbfamily · 02/05/2019 10:43

Spider, that story is horrific, but surely people can see the difference between leaving 2 kids by an open fire, presumably with aerosols within reach, and leaving a sleeping baby in a cot they cannot yet get out of? That is where risk assmts comes in. I would not leave young children in a house with fire burning. I would not even leave them in the room unsupervised. This is the reason why the NSPCC have to make blanket recommendations, because we obviously live in a society where people are unable to engage their brains. We were discussing this thread at work yesterday and I was saying the MN jury had deemed me an unfit parent. Our team includes people from various cultures where the parenting norms are very different and they basically think we are all bonkers. I felt a little reassured and for what it's worth, to those suggesting I don't care for my kids and am just desperate for my fags and booze, I don't drink or smoke and love my kids to the moon and back. That is why I often chose to leave them in a deep happy much needed sleep whilst I crossed the busy road to collect my oldest. I am not mad or negligent or ignorant. I am experienced in risk assessment and chose to think through individual situations as they arise. And for those whose keep repeating that I might get hit by a car on said busy road, why is it so hard to understand that if I got hit by a car, I would much prefer my babies were safe in a cot for however long it took someone to find them, than them being also hit by a car!!!

Sb74 · 02/05/2019 15:00

Blimey, still going then.

Not read everything but I really don’t understand why Hany and I commenting on that it would be nice to have a forum with solely other parents, which one can assume was the point, as everything is aimed at parents on the site, is a bad thing to say and caused such upset? This ridiculous “analogy” suggesting its of the same mindset as a racist is offensive, that’s the real catalyst for the on going arguments and hostility in this thread. A parent chooses (most of the time) to become a parent. Parents are of, obviously, of all races, religions, colours, backgrounds etc. The common factor shared is that we all understand the challenges and joys of being a parent. Whereas a person does not have a say in their race or colour - it is not chosen and cannot be changed, unlike the status of a childless person - so to want to exclude someone based on these factors is wrong.. Therefore, someone who is racist is of a completely different mindset to someone who likes to be in discussions with others that have chosen to be a part of that group. It’s like saying it’s ok for anyone to join a forum for lawyers, because even though we are not lawyers, there are some interesting discussions on there. But would lawyers really value the comments of a non-legal professional? It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to say and It did not deserve all the backlash.

Sb74 · 02/05/2019 15:01

My god vdb still trying to justify all that. It’s exhausting.

JessieMcJessie · 02/05/2019 16:56

it would be nice to have a forum with solely other parents, which one can assume was the point, as everything is aimed at parents on the site

Well then you are simply wrong to make that assumption. The “articles” on the home page are aimed at parents but the talk boards are the real heart of Mumsnet and there are vast areas of those that are NOT aimed solely at parents (and some, like the infertility boards, deliberately aimed at non-parents). Nobody thinks “ooh, I do love the Mumsnet Eastenders discussion threads because I only want to know what parents thought about last night’s episode” or “I must go on the cat lovers’ threads to see what some parents think about cats today”.

The site evolved like this- parents came on to discuss parent stuff like which was the best pram to buy. As they were also people with interests beyond their children, the chat naturally strayed into non-parenting issues. Whole topics grow up around those and non-parents joined in those discussions. While on the site, those non-parents might then also have joined in some of the parenting chat, perhaps sharing experience from their own childhood (even most non-parents have been parented after all...), or about their relatives, or their professional experience with children, or just generally contributing a point of view.

And in any event it is simply impossible to impose any criteria whatsoever on people who contribute to an internet message board, which is why you have talk guidelines instead. Like in any discussion you are free to choose how much value to attribute to a certain person’s opinion based on what you know about them, but you have to exercise that judgment, not scream in to the wind for people to get off “your” forum. There could be any number of people on here making up active lies about being parents and purporting to give you experience-based advice and you would never ever know that they were not genuine; at least if someone is honest about not being a parent you can then choose to skip past their comments if you don’t deem them valid.

You are about 10 years too late if you want to interact only with parents on this site.

And the reason that all this kicked off was not because you expressed a wish for a parents-only forum, it was because of the staggeringly rude way in which that point was made. And repeated ad-nauseam.

Oh and your suggestion above that any childless person chooses that status and can change it is downright offensive to those with infertility issues. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Sb74 · 02/05/2019 17:25

So, you’re not being hostile in your response then?

I’m not being insensitive to parents with infertility problems, I was merely stating facts; considering the word “racist” was being used in the same sentence as my name I think I have every right. Whether I was being directly called a racist or having the mindset of a racist is irrelevant, it’s was a highly insulting thing to say - I was forced to explain as people didn’t seem to understand that it was a ridiculous thing to say and incorrect.

I don’t remember being particularly rude; no more rude than most people on here. I just said it would be nice to have a forum for parents. And I think you’ll find I’ve never asked anyone to leave the forum, that’s not anyone’s place to do so. However, I very much doubt any parent would have started a thread such as this, which has been just a bun fight and ridiculous, promoting bad parenting.

I’m not saying that the forum will or could change, I just said it would be nice. And it would be nice to have a supportive forum with people who are parents. That’s what I expected when I joined. People take offence on here when you assume they are a parent in posts?? How strange.

Considering some of the outrageously bitchy comments and pure nastiness I have witnessed on this site and in this thread, I don’t think anyone can really have a go at anyone else. It’s like Bitch central at times.

Sb74 · 02/05/2019 17:35

I think you may be mixing my posts up with someone else maybe because I have certainly not been screaming at people to get off “my forum”. Maybe get your insults straight before you throw them.

YemenRoadYemen · 02/05/2019 17:41

If you want to post on an exclusive, parents-only website, you will need to set one up.

In the meantime, if you continue to post on Mumsnet, you need to make your peace with the fact that it is teeming with non-parents. The vast majority of us are perfectly happy with that, and have absolutely no wish to see that changed. Mumsnet won't change it.

This is a non-argument. The posters who aren't parents are not going anywhere.

Aquilla · 02/05/2019 17:51

Christ, no! And you're talking to the person who once drove home wearing a babe in a sling...

Sb74 · 02/05/2019 17:52

Well, it’s not something I’m losing sleep over, so I think I’ll be ok. It was merely a comment. I’m not a campaigner against it!!

omione · 02/05/2019 18:04

Time for a serious word with yourself

YemenRoadYemen · 02/05/2019 18:08

Great. Discussion on this particular, mean-spirited point over, hopefully.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 02/05/2019 18:13

Amen to that!

honeybee88 · 11/08/2019 23:09

No they will not be safe. What if You had an accident on the way there or back? Is it worth risking? Also the risk of them choking or the house going on fire. these things Do happen. Get a friend to go get you what you need. Or make do without. Better still, take child with you.

NoSauce · 11/08/2019 23:11

honeybee88 why have you bumped this thread from 3 months ago?

user764329056 · 11/08/2019 23:12

Just no, what if they choke, that can take seconds, ten mins might not sound long but too young at that age to be left for any time IMO

NoSauce · 11/08/2019 23:14

ZOMBIE

Bluemascara4 · 11/08/2019 23:25

 @BlueSuedeStiletto ..... you're at the shops right ????

Ridiculous

Crunchymum · 11/08/2019 23:30

@Bluemascara4

Let's hope the OP isn't still at the shop, given this thread is months old Shock

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