To get irritated with British parents in other countries attitude re parenting practices?

[amandacarnet]

Yes I probably am. But I come across British parents in real life and onMN who live abroad, and are loudly horrified at some of the ways children are routinely raised in the country they have moved to. I am not saying when you move to a country you have to agree with how most parents in that country raise their kids. But surely if you choose to move abroad, you should realise that things might be done differently. So kids may be allowed to do things at an age most would not accept in Britain. Or education may be delivered differently. Or kids may be expected to do more looking after of younger siblings.
It's as if some people think everyone in the world should follow what Britain generally sees as good parenting. When of course every culture has its own idea of what good parenting is.
I am amazed that when people choose to move abroad with kids they don't always consider any differences in the culture a,round parenting and education and how this might affect their family.
By the way I only talk about British parents as I am British and so only hear this from British people. Parents in other countries may be just as guilty of this.

But here on the UK we have a huge range of cultures in every town and city, and we accommodate them all with respect

It's adorable that you believe that.

However current politics and the rise of the far right would rather disprove that fluffy little notion sadly.

I don’t see this as an issue at all. What a weird thing to say. Everyone likes to vent a little about parenting, I don’t see it as any different if you are not originally from the local culture. Are we only allowed to complain about parenting in the country we’re originally from? I’ll parent the way that works best for my family thanks, I don’t care where the ideas come from.

To be balanced new cultures bring new ideas and breathe life into their host countries. Where we live we are modelling China’s maths approach, Sweden’s late start (for summer children born in August) the Asian focus to introducing an early start to music and language etc. Influence from other cultures should be embraced, and the best practice if successful adopted.

I don’t agree with the attitude ‘it’s our way or the highway’. There is a lot to be gained from keeping an open mind to new ideas and different ways of doing things.

Slightly off topic but I'm intrigued by the use of the term expat. What makes someone an expat rather than an immigrant? Can you be an expat if you move to Britain from another country?

One little girl in my sons class has said she isn’t allowed to go to English peoples houses, it seems expected that their friends will largely be extended family members.
Could be more to do with the English population attending the school. My oldest also does not go to playdates anymore with English classmates, I am not a big fan of him being exposed to the life of daytime TV, swearing, junk food and immigrant bashing at an early age. He came back once brimming with a very racist vocabulary, I had to explain to him that he is also half foreign and it is not nice to say things like that to other people. He had a proper existential crisis, as he thought he is "half baddie" in his classmates' eyes.

amandacarnet - the problem with your post is it comes across as immensely dim to appear to think that this may be a peculiarly British problem. There are immigrants from all cultures who behave like this - and immigrants from all cultures who don't. Do a you would be done by and treat people as individuals instead of setting up your own offensive stereotypes.

Can you be an expat if you move to Britain from another country?
There was a speech from one of Irish politicians where they called Irish citizens working in America without permits "undocumented expats". Because they clearly cannot be "illegal immigrants", this will equate them with... people who are less white.

I'm a Brit in Britain, vast majority of my friends are from overseas and they all do this.

I hear all sorts of how it's better at home because of x, y & z. Children and do this and that differently from here. It's normal to compare.

I do think it's important to try and fit in and adapt to the local culture though and to also be mindful of being too vocal about it.

the rise of the far right I think you have been reading too much fake news/tabloids. You would be stretched to find a more tolerant country than the UK. London is the most cosmopolitan city in the world.

Sometimes you don’t realise what the local attitudes towards children are going to be until you get there. We had to live in NZ for a while because of dh job. We were led to believe it was very much like UK, and schools were great etc. Once there we began to see attitudes towards children that we disagreed with. There was no way I was going to force my child to change his personality in order to “fit in” more with local kids. And dh and I weren’t prepared to change our values and beliefs about raising our son either. Luckily it was not a long contract and we came home after 12 months.
For the record I did not ever go around voicing my opinion or bitching about it all. I had a few polite discussions with dh’s colleagues and their families just to ensure I hadn’t got the wrong end of the stick.

So many of you don't seem to understand my actual post, sigh.
Oh the irony. I’m seeing typically British responses to the type of comments you are making. Why would you come to a U.K. board and not just accept the way people do things?

Like others, also still waiting for @lightbulb to explain “batshit” parenting in the U.K.......

I'm British, live in Britain and I think our British cultural norms around parenting,, education, and play oh, just about everything, are batshit. Wish I had moved somewhere else before I had kidsl

Oh dear, are we once again debating an OPs opinion formed from a rl example of one and made up bollocks gleaned from the internet? Or, is this just another way to unfairly criticise immigrants, here and abroad, who don’t conform to local customs in their choices for their children.

The OP has provided no actual evidence of this, even less so of why it would be detrimental to the children, parents or the community they live in.

Some people adapt, others don't. Why do you think you find so many "brits" holiday resorts abroad, because people cannot conceive a week without their usual tea? Some people are so narrow-minded for the pettiest things, there's no chance of them having an original opinion about raising children.

The "putting the kids to bed late afternoon" British fashion does crack me up I have to admit! Keep the kids outside at the hottest time of the day, make them miss out on the best part (and safest part) of the afternoons, cannot alter a routine by 3 minutes and moan that your children are up at 5am. The rest of the world seem to manage just fine, what is it with these British kids that must have "tea" at 5pm and be in bed at 6?

And posters who do believe that the UK does not accommodate other culture, religion and nationality should get out of their tiny village

While I agree that there’s are different ways of doing things as a parent and that “our” way isn’t necessarily right, some things (such as hitting children) are just wrong and that’s that.
Some of DD’s friends at school who are from Indian/Pakistani backgrounds joke about being hit by parents. I don’t know how much of it is true or just joining though - they say things like “oops, only got 80% on that exam, better hide my Mums shoes”. I also saw an Indian comedian saying that what they call parenting in her country we call child abuse
I’m not saying that all people from the Indian sub continent hit their dc and English people don’t but I get the impression from friends that corporal punishment does seem more acceptable within some communities. A Chinese friend of mine told me it was normal in her culture.
Mind you, I think it was more acceptable here 20 years ago

silver, I hadn't heard that particular speech but I think that is always the intention when using the term. Irish people in the U.S. illegally are commonly referred to as undocumented.
It intrigues me when white westerners in the ME refer to themselves as expats while those from poorer countries are immigrants.

MIL is foreign but lived in UK for 50 years. She still comments on differences, some good, some bad. I don't think it's exclusive to the Brits.

Difference between expat and immigrant:
Expat is ime located in host country by their employer for a finite amount of time, once the contract ends they return home. Dh and I are expats as we don't intend to live in China permanently. We have been expats for nearly 25 years - various countries, companies, but never a permanent move.

Interesting.
Perhaps there is a marked difference in those who live abroad for work and have every intention of returning back to the u.k. and those who emigrate with the intention of living in that country for ever.
I see lots of the latter and an puzzled by the.lack of perceived forethought.
Coming to the u.k. without speaking English, dropping your dc at the local school when they cannot speak English, have never been to school before, don't understand the rules or culture and cannot understand anything expected of them, seems bizzare.
It must be totally baffling for a young child.

Crossed post with shanghiDiva

Slightly off topic but I'm intrigued by the use of the term expat. What makes someone an expat rather than an immigrant? Can you be an expat if you move to Britain from another country?

In terms of British people, the difference between the expats and the immigrants is that expats think of themselves as being on a foreign posting but still connected to Britain, while immigrants are basically the same but want to virtue signal by comparing themselves to refugees.

Out of sheer nosiness, what was it about New Zealand that you didn't like missyB1?

I'm not from NZ, have never even visited but like you I had always heard that it was one of the easiest places to adapt to as a British person.

I used to be an expat (intended to return to country of birth) and am now an immigrant (intend to stay and have UK passport). OP we tend to parent how we know to, how we were parented ourselves (or the polar opposite if we think our parents were utterly crap). Everyone has opinions on how other cultures parent, but not everyone shares their thoughts. The TV programmes where we swap kids from different countries are fascinating and a good way to open our minds to the possibility of changing things that don't actually work anymore.

Can you be an expat if you move to Britain from another country?

If you're white and earn enough to put you in the highest tax bracket then yes.

But I agree with the point you're making OP. However, some expat communities prefer to stick amongst themselves so in many respects it's as if they never left home so no adaptation to the new environment needed iyswim?