To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

hell, my parents must have been the worst ever. At 16, I was wild camping around Scotland hundreds of miles away from home.

How did you get there?

Skills and awareness; exactly. Being aware that you need to watch out for yourself a bit.

My son called me the other day from a different time zone. He was walking through a pitch-black park, he said, at midnight. I pointed out that maybe next time he should take a different route. Is that wrapping him in cotton wool and preventing him from living his life, or is it a mum reminding her child not to take unnecessary risks?

I think running and cycling are different to walking.on a bike you are nmuch safer and has a frequent runner you could probably outrun a would be attacker.

That said I or dh or big brother always accompany my 14 yo dd when she goes at running in our rural area.

No, Ravenmum far more women are killed by their husbands than by strangers in woods.

No-one needs to live with a man. It's a choice and one that carries risk.

My children have walked alone through woods, fields, over stiles, up fells etc since they were about twelve. Much safer than hanging around in gangs in parks and on street corners.
Can’t they do some more middling like
meeting up with friends for a walk or going to a yoga class etc.

@Flaverings

We have lots of trains and buses. Get a train/bus to the area, then go hiking and camp along the trail. Then get train/bus back home.

Can’t they do some more middling like meeting up with friends for a walk

Can't a teenager ever just go for a walk surrounded by nature by themselves? It's a lovely experience. I used to do it to clear my head when stressed about things, would rather have done that then go out with a friend but then I was very anti-social as a teen.

Letting your 16 yo dd go wild camping alone should not be held up as a standard of parenting to aspire to imo

@Runbitchrun
Walking home from clubs alone at 2am,
Did you not have parents?

I can only assume they are written by urban types who watch too much tv

Or maybe crime is commonplace in urban areas...

I know that, lottie. You didn't get my point. The two things aren't related, and can't be compared. You can be happy with your daughter marrying a man, but that doesn't mean you also have to be happy with your daughter going home with a stranger on the first date.

Can’t they do some more middling like
meeting up with friends for a walk or going to a yoga class etc.

I grew up in the countryside, used to walk everywhere. An indoor yoga class or a nature walk... hmm, no brainer for me, it'd have been a country walk every time!
At 16 you're old enough to go to college for goodness sake, you need to be allowed to walk out by yourself and not be feeling scared to.

Can't she go with a friend?

I grew up on a farm so was working and spent my childhood outdoors. I think the maturity of a 16 year old very much depends on the upbringing. I knew 16 year olds who couldn't cook a meal. I also knew a 17 year old who lived alone because both parents had died. Don't judge other teenagers by the independence and ability of your own, especially if you havnt been raising yours to be able to do everything on their own.

When alone, I never hiked anywhere with steep falls, and I never got into the water at the wild swimming spots. I wasn't an idiot.

Being with 1 or 2 friends wouldn't remove the risk of being murdered in our sleep because we'd all be asleep. And when you're walking and camping in the highlands you literally don't see another person. My chances of being raped in my hometown where much much higher than my chances of being raped walking through the highlands.

OK a risk:benefit assessment of walking alone in the woods

The hazard: getting raped and murdered
The risk: tiny
The benefit: for the next 60 or 70 years of her life, the joy of being alone in the woods, the hills, by rivers, by the sea. Early on a spring morning before the sun burns off the mist, in the hammering rain with her hood up, in the evening with the birds flighting in to roost. I enjoy these things better without other people or dogs. There is nothing like being alone.

She wants to take the risk, to enjoy the benefit. It's a life decision and not everyone will choose the same way, but it's her choice.

I guess the people saying that they wouldn't advise their children to be careful have not gone through the trauma of being attacked by a stranger when out walking alone.

It doesn't matter how mature and onpendent you are .it won't make any difference to a flasher or rapist

Wow. This thread is crazy.
Is these the latest Mumsnet phrase?

The routine of it would worry me too. Women have been attacked while walking with their dogs.
A freed rapist ( completed his too short sentence) walks around a local park all the time. His crimes were particularly heinous.

My late DM wouldn't have let me. Mind you she also wouldn't really let me walk anywhere quiet alone. Even when I was 18, if it was dark (think 7.30 at night) she'd kick off about me walking down the pavement to the bus stop (5 mins away). Or of I walked to a friend's house and it was getting dark she'd always loom up in her car "checking I was okay".

I guess the people saying that they wouldn't advise their children to be careful

Nobody's saying they wouldn't advise their children to be careful. That's just common sense.
They are saying (well, I am anyway) that I don't agree with people saying they wouldn't "let" her go or that she should be accompanied when out and about on her walk.

That's not a healthy way to live imo. There's nothing better than walks by yourself, it's good for you.

When we used to do school cross country through fields and woods it was not unusual for girls to be targeted by pervs/ flashers even though there were maybe 60 girls running the route

@Dana28

And again, being raped or flashed was far more likely in my hometown or nearest city. Even the playpark in the town had been a sport where rapists had attacked.

Literally no where is safe is someone is determined to rape or flash. Walking someone with a zero population is the safest you could be from that!

Anyone who refuses to ever go anywhere alone for fear of rape is a bit of an idiot. You need to live your life.

I walk in woods on my own but I do make habit to change time of day and route etc x

A 16yo can look after herself- she should know what's safe and what isn't.
I don’t think it’s about looking after herself and know what’s safe if someone bigger and stronger wants to do you harm it’s almost victim blaming.