To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

She's 16 and almost an adult, she needs to learn work out risk by herself.
Going on any walk or trek alone, it's common sense to take your phone with you and let someone know when you will be back. More in case she sprains an ankle and needs rescuing than anything else.

Perhaps best to keep her locked in the cellar until she's 42.

I wouldn't be comfortable with DD going to a deserted place at the same time every day. People will notice and it only takes one of them to have malicious intentions.

Google the Lynn and Megan Russell case (mother and daughter) in Goodnestone. About 20 years ago now but both were murdered as they walked home from school through the woods and the other daughter was left for dead. Think they had a dog with them too. Terrible case and still unsolved.

Avocado nails it.

Let her enjoy her walk. Of course you're a bit nervous...but you can't end up being in a situation where she has to be accompanied everywhere she goes. Frankly, the more confident and sure of herself she is, the better.

So what would you suggest Dana28. No one ever goes anywere on thier own ever due to the very small risk something may happen

To put it another way, risks from people occur where there are people. Thus, risks of rape and murder are highest in cities.

Logically, you must tell her to never live in the same house as a man, ever. Especially a male partner but, family anihilators are real, they are all men and all fathers, so she does need to get herself to a nunnery right now. Are you going to do that?

Google the Lynn and Megan Russell case (mother and daughter) in Goodnestone

I remember it well, it was a tragic case.
Things like this make the national papers though as they are so incredibly rare.
Are we all supposed to not go out alone "just in case?"
You could say that about getting a car or on a plane.

in a car

Everything is risky. This is a very low risk activity and the potential gains for her mental and emotional health are significant. You have to let her do it, OP.

Varying her routes is a much better idea.

I am a trail runner and I have had three bad encounters with strangers in wooded areas over the course of 14 or 15 years. In each case I sprinted out of there but the last time, the man was armed and I don't know what would have happened had I been less alert. One every year few years, is that a significant risk? It's enough to make me jittery for a while afterwhiles but I don't let fear keep me out of the woods.

Afterwards.*

I find this really sad. From the age of 16, maybe younger, I used to walk in the countryside on my own. I'd walk for hours, through forests, fields, country paths. Its some of the happiest memories I have and was so good for my physical and mental wellbeing.

@cashmerecardigans
“I anything happens it’s not her mothers”
That’s true of course but I doubt that would make her feel any better.
I’m a grown woman but I still wouldn’t walk in secluded wood alone.

@Vellia
Could she go with a friend?

The deaths may be exceptionally rare, but there are other less serious cases that are not reported. And it has always been that way; it's not a new phenomenon. When I was 14/15 I was attacked by a stranger, walking along a quiet path - not in woods, but in what was then a fairly secluded spot. He wanted to rape me, but was fortunately put off when I screamed loudly. Now, as an adult, I still walk in secluded places alone, but not, for example, early in the morning in an area where there are few people around, and there are places nasty people can hide. Personally I'd advise my daughter that this could be a risky thing to do.

"From the age of 16, maybe younger, I used to walk in the countryside on my own. "

Me too from much younger and there was no question of my parents 'letting' me do it. They would only know I was out for a walk, they wouldn't have a full itinerary anyway.

This was back in the 1980s.

"Things like this make the national papers though as they are so incredibly rare."

Exactly.
How many people are run over by cars every year. If we wanted to be realistic about risk we wouldn't cross the road or drive cars.

It's hard to avoid crossing the road or driving cars.
It's really not hard to avoid walking in a deserted wood, out of earshot.

I really do want to know whether all the naysayers are also telling their daughters never to live with men.

If not you are irrational hypocrites.

Please explain.

"It's really not hard to avoid walking in a deserted wood, out of earshot."

It is if you live in the countryside.

If you're in the countryside and need to go somewhere early in the morning, you can walk along the roadside, take the bus, or cycle, for example.

This is the most depressing thread I've read in a while.

I've made sure my dds have enough skills and awareness to live and enjoy their life, that's my job, not to protect them from life and wrap them in cotton wool.

I wouldn't tell my daughter not to get herself a husband, but I would advise her not to go back to a man's house on the first date.
The two situations are just as "similar" as comparing walking in the woods alone early in the morning and living with your husband.

If you're in the countryside and need to go somewhere early in the morning, you can walk along the roadside, take the bus, or cycle, for example.

The woods and fields are far nicer in the morning.