To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

TheGrey1houndspeaks I can’t remember, it was way back in 1989. I think it might well have been the Students’ Union.

It’s ironic when I think about it, though. I’d already had my childhood ruined by SA from my own F and others, whereas I never had to use the rape alarm once. There were isolated instances of rape on the tube at night, but still far less likely than a woman being attacked by someone close to her.

Probably, it made female students less aware of the risks they faced.

the best thing to do is minimise the risks by not putting yourself in unnecessary danger

I hope you don't drive (75 people A DAY killed or seriously injured).

I personally don't think any woman should be let out if the house at all unless accompanied by a man who can protect her. It's simply not worth the risk.

Anything can happen anywhere, unfortunately I like you have to take risks. You'd never do anything otherwise. She is probably at far greater risk walking in a town then in a wood.

I personally don't think any woman should be let out if the house at all unless accompanied by a man who can protect her. It's simply not worth the risk.

Please tell me that was a joke? What about the lesbians, for one?!

should be let out if the house

Women don't belong to anyone, so they cannot be "let" out of the house, as if it is not her decision to make.

There was a story recently where 2 young women were murdered travelling abroad.

A lot of the media described them as "travelling alone". There were 2 of them. I didn't even notice til it was pointed out and nor had lots of others.

That's how deep these things run, even subconsciously sometimes.

Sad fact is you are far less likely to experience poor / illegal behaviour from men at the less serious end of the scale (inisiting on conversation, not taking no for an answer, following, flashing, groping, shouting etc). They seem OK to do this still if it's 2 girls / women. The more serious end I think they look for women/girls on their own generally but this is way less common. It was the common / low end stuff that was the bane of my life when young and actually not uncommon at all, and the sort of thing that is a genuine risk girls need to be made aware of and handle (the thread has focussed on stranger rape + murder which is indeed very rare).

While I was growing up there were pervy men in the bushes in all sorts of unexpected places! But, it depends on location probs, I grew up on edge of large city.

One of the most important things is probably whether there's any phone signal on the way to and in that wood.

I cycled round the Isle of Wight for a week when I was 16 on my own and I loved it! I couldn’t imagine being too scared to do something I liked on the off chance I was attacked. I think my mum was a tad worried though bless her.

I would never walk alone in a wood, or across farmland, and I'm in my 30s! I happily walk alone in towns, cities, even after dark. There are always people around or places you can go if you feel threatened, like a shop or an office building. And CCTV.

I avoid deserted lonely places because if someone attacked me it's just me against them, nobody to help and nowhere to run.

Woods to me are sinister places. I guess it starts with old fairy tales like Red Riding Hood, and stories in the news about women being raped and murdered in lonely places.

I used to hike a lot (in a group) but had a creepy experience in the mountains that put me off. I've never felt safe in nature since!

'I personally don't think any woman should be let out if the house at all unless accompanied by a man who can protect her. It's simply not worth the risk.'

I really really hope that was a sarcastic comment because if it wasn't it's one if the most fucking depressing things I've ever read on MN and the poster needs to get some serious counselling.

I'm fairly sure it was sarcastic, hope so anyway!

Didn't any of you read minimum's second sentence ?

Seriously hope MiniMum97 post was tongue in cheek too!
"Women shouldn't be let out by themselves as it's not worth the risk?"
Fuck. That. Shit. I'll go where I bloody like without a man looking after me when I step out the door.

Didn't any of you read minimum's second sentence ?

Yes - . It's simply not worth the risk

Not sure how this second sentence changes anything? So it's OK to not "let" women go out by themselves as it's simply not worth the risk?
Sorry but screw that.

The only thing I would find slightly troublesome is that she intends to walk to the same place at the same time every day.

I think it's wise to vary things a little. I usually take slightly different routes and choose different times when I go walking on my own.

@Greeborising you think we live in dark times? What’s that based on? Crime rates are extremely low. It’s actually one of the safest times to be alive in history.

“Q: So if everything is better, why do people think it's worse?

A: It's very complex phenomenon. It has to do with human psychology. The way the human brain operates is not a purely rational computer model. It works on shortcuts and has cognitive biases. These predispose human beings to be very bad at risk assessment and fear things that don't need to be feared.”

(m.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/09/29/canada-election-security-safe_n_8039394.html)

Cholly it was obviously sarcastic. Even without reading the second half of her post.

Cholly it was obviously sarcastic

Nope, not obviously sarcastic at all - sarcasm doesn't always convey in the written form and if it was sarcastic it didn't come across that way (and I'm obviously not the only one who thought so as others are wondering if it's a serious post or not.)

Lime go back and read the next bit.
It's perfectly clear

Anything can happen anywhere, unfortunately I like you have to take risks. You'd never do anything otherwise. She is probably at far greater risk walking in a town then in a wood.

This still doesn't change anything re the first sentence though - the poster could still mean that they don't think women should be out by themselves (seeing as the poster thinks that anything van happen anywhere and you'd be at risk walking alone whether in a wood or in town.)
Anyway, it really isn't clear and only the poster can tell us whether they were being sarky or not as we're not them

It's an excellent idea and I'm sure the physical and mental benefits will far outweigh any conceivable risk.

I live in a village surrounded by countryside and I don't think twice about either myself or my 15 and 16 year olds going on walks/runs by myself out of earshot of people.

Live is for living. Not for hiding.

Riding in a car, cycling on the road, riding a horse, going skiing, going to a teen party with alcohol all FAR more dangerous I am sure. And I'm not suggesting stopping doing any of those either.

In fact I would say that in the long run staying cooped up indoors is far more dangerous to someone's health.

I personally don't think any woman should be let out if the house at all unless accompanied by a man who can protect her. It's simply not worth the risk.

Hopefully this is a joke. After all, what about all the women who live on their own? Both my DM and my MIL have to travel on their own, my DM does it in Africa, at nearly 80.

Or else the poster comes from Saudi Arabia, where women are really not allowed to travel on their own. (Or has this changed since women gained the right to drive?)

I'm mid twenties so it's not like I was doing this in some bygone magically safe era
...
Such an era never existed or will ever exist.

I've done stupid ridiculous things as a young girl and I cringe every time I think about it. But when you grow up and realise the dangers it's your job to put a bit of fear into your kids so the aren't naive to the dangers that are out there
..Spot on Chocolatelog.

I was brought up in the 70s/80s and lived in a small village. I was very lucky as I was allowed free rein. Every day I played around fields and woods from a very young age..I'd say 7 or 8. I had my dogs, supposedly trained to guard me. I never encountered a soul but I think that was mostly down to luck. On the other hand my school mate was walking home one day and a flasher flashed at her and she ran like hell to get home which luckily was close to where it happened. She was crossing a field. She was 16.
We both decided to enrol on self defence classes just in case but we never did.
A pp mentioned if you're raising a girl you need to ensure she can defend herself by enrolling her into classes. If you don't do this you've failed her, but surely a man can just as easily get attacked. Surely everyone could benefit from learning to defend themselves regardless of gender