To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

You didn't read MrsCholly, or are being misleading. I used to go out a lot on my own. I was considered weird, because girls don't usually go out a lot alone. There's a reason for that.

motherheroic, ok sorry for not reading yours properly. I withdraw the stupidly. I still recommend weapons that can be plausibly argued to have been available anyway, not single-use identifiable weapons that have no other purpose - sticks that might have been picked up in the woods, or heavy books in a bag for a schoolgirl (or anyone).

Darkendofthetunnel why are you assuming my post was directly to you?
It wasn't.

Because it came sequentially later. Perhaps we all need to 'reel it in' a bit to use motherheroics phrase.

Don't be daft - it's a forum I can't control which order the posts appear in....

Bloody hell. You think rapists wait in deserted woodlands for lone females? They might wait weeks!

I live near the Thames towpath and wouldn’t walk or run down there alone. I go with a couple of friends or with DH. Maybe I’d risk it on weekend days when there’s lots of people up and down, but I’d still be on edge. Nor do female friends of mine who walk dogs do it alone - they all meet after the school run and go together.

I don’t think it makes any difference whether you’re in a very rural location, in the suburbs or in town. Nobody should be mocked as paranoid for trusting their instincts. Why wouid you want to walk through a wood on your own anyway - very spooky!

And yes, weirdos do wait in woods. I’ve seen them.

A woodland walk is a great idea.
I would be discouraging her from doing it at the same time every day though.

Habit is the friend of the criminal.

Ridiculous. Live in woodland and always walk alone - have done since I was a child. A bit of common sense and awareness helps but think scaremongering is far more dangerous. Only time I have felt uncomfortable is walking alone at dusk in a city Park - far more likely to meet trouble than rurally.

It sounds a lovely idea. So long she takes her phone??? Natures good for your mental health esp if doing exams.

I'd ask her to do a practice run while I'm at home waiting one weekend

She is SIXTEEN and going for a walk in the Bluebell Woods. What is it exactly you think she needs to practice while mummy waits anxiously at home? It’s the Bluebell Woods not bloody Everest 🤣

It is seriously no surprise that so many new uni students quit, have breakdowns or commit suicide if parents are behaving like this when their 16 year olds mention going for a walk by themselves.

Heads need wobbled.

I ive near the Thames towpath and wouldn’t walk or run down there alone

So do I and love an early morning alone stroll, it was excellent walking miles down there when moonwalk training. Never ever encountered a problem.

I’m sad to see that the common perception that we live in ‘dark times’ still persists. We don’t, the risk to women and children of being at risk of male violence has always been there. And your DD would be much more at risk in a built up area. I used to travel on the tube as a student in London and we were all given rape alarms.

I think your DD will be fine, though the suggestion of her having a dog to take for a walk (either a dog of your own or a friend or a neighbour’s dog) is definitely a good one.

It sounds like a lovely walk for your DD, the benefits will definitely outweigh any risks.

Who issued the rape alarms, Lizzie?! Were they specifically for tube travel??

I have walked in woods/moors/hills my whole life and I ain’t a spring chicken.

The only time I have had an issue was a canal path in a city in broad day light.

I have a theory that crazy folk don’t come out first thing and so tend to feel safer very early where it really is just dog walkers and runners.

That said, I also wouldn’t be happyy own daughter’s doing this. I did it myself from age 16 as was very headstrong.

I would get my daughters a large dog if they were to do this.

Such a hard one.

Whatever you decide, what I would do is to check it out and make sure it's not some sort of dogging meetup spot, mind, OP. Went with a rambling group on a walk that took us through some lovely Bluebell Woods, and the ground was literally carpeted with used condoms and wrappers, and men were standing in little groves looking a bit sheepish as we marched through with our hiking boots. It got "closed down" shortly afterwards.

The rest of you have fun in your happy, safe, sunny and lovely worlds

Personally I'd suggest she take her bike.

Unless you're living somewhere in Midsomer, I'm sure you're DD will be quite safe.

WTAF - people actually don't allow their young adult children go on walks to see bluebells?!?

@ravenmum certain parts of Hampstead Heath are like that. You're still entirely safe as a young woman as it's all gay men! My biggest safety concern was stopping the dog licking sniffing the used condoms. DDog did go off into the undergrowth on one occasion and judging by the noises he interrupted a pair, which I did nothing to stop as they shouldn't have been there in the first place!

All relatively harmless to those not wishing to get involved, and while I'm glad they're using protection I do wish they'd take their litter home with them!

Crazy thread. I've been walking alone in the woods for years, and where I am we have bears, wolves and mountain lions!

ravenmum

Or the dog turd in the face. Seriously, I walk in some lonely places sometimes and I do keep the bag untied and carry it with me until I get to the less isolated stretch with a bin. I’ve always thought that squished in the face would be enough to stop anyone in their tracks long enough for me to to run away (I’m really not taking the p, it would stop me dead!)

I will carry my dog turd bag with relish from now on

SrSteveOskowski

Unless you're living somewhere in Midsomer, I'm sure you're DD will be quite safe.“

Serious subject, obviously DrOskowski but 😂
It’s only just occurred to me, after probably 20 years of watching, how even the most lowly farmhand in that county can afford to live in picture postcard, roses round the door, thatched 6 bedroom £3 million houses with pogenpohl kitchens. It’s the murder rate, obviously wreaks havoc on the house prices.

My mum was assaulted multiple times growing up in the 50s/60s, and as a result was absolutely terrified about letting me out anywhere. The culprits were: a friend's older brother; her own uncle; a man on a crowded train--so 2 were people she knew, and the last was in public on a commuter train.

I spent many years being similarly terrified because of my very sheltered upbringing. In my late twenties I finally decided that I couldn't live my life in fear, and that death was the worst thing that could happen to me. I now walk everywhere with confidence, at night, in deserted locations, you name it. I've only been catcalled/followed/touched in city locations or on busy roads, and since my 'don't live in fear' decision those have all decreased too (or maybe it's just because I'm older now so less attractive to weirdos). I was, however, assaulted as a matter of course by my abusive ex partner in my teens. I never reported this to the police. Nothing a stranger could do would be worse than what I went through in that relationship.

So let your daughter walk in the bluebell woods is my advice. Fresh air, bird song, and nature in its beauty is a great tonic.