To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

another statistic for you. There's more rapes and murders on non travellers than there is on travellers. I wonder why

I imagine it's mostly because there are many more non-travellers than there are travellers.

maybe 1 person who is around is the 1 person who will mug her for her phone or sexually assault her or even murder her.

Which could literally happen anywhere. Someone could come to the house, or in the garden or in a quiet street. Are 16 year olds only supposed to walk on busy streets?

No-one generally around. Maybe 1 person who is around is the 1 person who will mug her for her phone or sexually assault her or even murder her. Yes, the last two of these are probably rare but they do happen and the best thing to do is minimise the risks by not putting yourself in unnecessary danger.

See, to me both these sound the same and neither's right.
Don't walk alone by yourself on country footpaths/woods, and put yourself in un-necessary danger

Don't wear short skirts or hot pant types shorts and crop tops in summer weather and put yourself in un-necessary danger

Attackers gonna attack. Regardless of where you go, or what you wear.
I'm not hiding myself away clothes wise or curtailing my own freedom on the very small off chance that there's a predator lurking on a corner.
Before anyone says it is common sense to take not of your surroundings, and if something feels off before you go down a path or you feel uneasy by a passerby, then you don't do it. Common sense and risk assess.

This is insane, or maybe many posters don't live in a rural area but walking alone is fine!

Yanbu but she might not listen, or at least I might not have at that age. Can you legally carry mace? I definitely do.

Can I ask where? Like is it a proper village in Devon where everyone knows her or a lovely bit of wood in the suburbs?

I'd be uncomfortable tbh. I'd say no!

Sorry posted too soon. My mother made me promise whenever I went to the woods myself (our metro parks here are huge and hiding a dead body would be very easy) to always call a trusted friend and tell them ywhat time you are going and approximately when you are returning and to phone them when you get home. I still do that and she told me more than 30 years ago. It was right after a nun she went to school with was raped and killed while she was picking flowers in the woods. I call my best friend who takes these things seriously not my dh that thinks nothing will happen.

tower your story illustrates how unusual it is when something like that happens though.
People are raped and murdered all the time in cities and built up areas and we mostly forget because it’s so common place.

Chocolatelog

Do you expect equal compliance from all of your children, Chocolatelog boys too, until they get married and leave home? If it’s different for your sons (if you have any, obviously 😁) I have to say that feels very wrong: like you’re handing your girls over from the control of their parents to the control of their husbands.
I take your point about young people respecting their parents’ wishes. But doesn’t that work both ways? Shouldn't everyone respect everyone else, as much as sensibly possible? (within reason: little children, clearly, need much more guidance and many more rules). Shouldn’t you respect your young people too, and trust them enough to make their own decisions when they reach young adulthood?
I worry about mine, young woman and young man, but try to keep that under control for their sake: if I don’’t show I trust them how are they ever going to learn to trust their own instincts? (That said, my mum still profers all sorts of unwanted and unasked for advice about all manner of things, I’m 55! But it’s natural, she means well, I smile and nod and ignore as necessary ).

towerraven: that approach makes no difference to your risk of bad things happening to you.

Should you not get in touch, your friend wouldn’t be able to do much. Emergency and park services wouldn’t going to act on a report that an adult has been missing for an hour or so. Would you expect her to come looking for you herself, or to ask your DH to look for you?

More women get killed by their partners because nearly every woman has one. Not many women walk in woods alone.

We walk regularly as a family and I don't recall seeing any young girls walking alone in quiet areas. Yet this thread would have you believe it's commonplace.

It is commonplace and normal for women and teenagers to walk alone by themselves.
You can only instil in them sense, not stop them from going out and walking by themselves like some on this thread would have you doing.

Students, male and female, often go out in groups in university cities. Sometimes, it seems that although there is usually ‘safety in numbers’, later in the evening one gets separated from their (large, loose) group of (perhaps newish) friends and doesn’t make it back. No one quite recalls when or where they were last seen.
A young person who has recently left home for the first time then blunders into a river or other danger with disastrous consequences. This seems to me so sad, it may not happen very often but gets lots of publicity.
Maybe a bluebell wood is a safer place than a university city.

I'm overly cautious. I've been flashed at, viewed through binoculars by two men whilst with a friend who scarpered when we saw them and nearly abducted by another two men in a separate incident where their van was parked in a
way to bundle us in. All in fairly isolated places. Just during a bog standard life and between the ages of 15 and 18. I realise these encounters may have been unlucky and I may be lucky to have reacted quickly. I wonder if the people quoting risk stats have ever experienced such difficulties. If possible to avoid, I wouldn't go alone where I couldn't access help. I love bluebell woods though.

A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

Anyway, could be worse. This could be your kid -

crazy free climber dude

When I walk my dog in isolated areas I carry my pocket knife. He is useless on the protection front.

Surely a knee that is legal to be carried is unlikely to be much use or likely to be wrestled away from you and used against you. I have my dad's Swiss Army knife and no way would I be able to get the blade unfolded quickly in an emergency situation.

Knife. All knees are legal and are often useful for running away 😂

@SoupDragon I carry it unfolded in a holster. Obviously my first option would be to run, but it can easily do quite a bit of damage if I were to go for someone's face or neck.

Also handy for cutting long twigs that love to get tangled in my dogs fur!

I used to wander off alone when I was a teen in the belief that I shouldn't have to live my life in fear, so I understand comments on here about that. I was frequently followed, occasionally flashed at, and had a narrow escape of worse once or twice. Sad fact is women are not safe anywhere near men, they are our predators and we are prey. She must vary her routine and not be in the same place at the same time each day.

Do not let her carry a knife as some have (stupidly imo) suggested. There's no chance of getting it out at the right time to not threaten anyone else and still use it, chances are it will be taken off her anyway, and if she uses it, she will be in trouble with the law. The best weapon is some heavy books in a bag, and be prepared to swing it, or throw it as a distraction, and tell her to pick up a stick and carry it around - stuff she's likely to have anyway. If she is likely to take my kind of attitude, martial arts would be a good investment - but remember that they are to give you more options to run away, not stand and fight. And always wear shoes you can run in.

@DarkAtEndOfTunnel I didn't suggest carrying a knife. I just said what I do. Reel it in.

If you try attacking someone stronger than you with a knife, I'd imagine you're pretty likely to end up with it stuck in you. Personally I'd go for the finger in the eye / knee in balls / smacking both hands flat on their ears or similar "unfair" tactics, if it ever got that far. But on the occasions I have been in danger, it has felt too risky to try to attack them. It's a man; they're usually stronger; and you know for sure that he isn't right in the head from what he's already doing to you, so for all you know, if you attack him he'll just kill you.

I'm 60. From primary school age, so for many years, I have walked or ridden a bike/horse on my own through the countryside. The only times I have been flashed at/ groped etc have been in towns and cities. Usually with other people around, including being flashed at on a crowded tube.
Let her go for her walks.

This thread is bonkers, all these drama llamas have been watching too much TV. Following the logic displayed here, there's a rapist lurking around every corner and no woman would ever go anywhere unaccompanied.

And I say this as someone who was attacked in broad daylight at 3pm one sunny afternoon in a busy London area.

I won't be teaching by DD16 to be afraid of the world like this. It's just another way to suppress women and you are doing it to yourselves?!?