To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

@BastianBux it happens in other cultures too not just ours. And it isn't like what people think it is. We don't own them what a horrible thing to say.

@chocolatelog your over anxiety about a host of perfectly normal stuff like a week in Spain and walking in woods in daylight
you were complaining your family don't want to sightsee or going walking just stay beside the pool probably because your hysteria about walking makes them too anxious to contemplate walking alone anywhere
I am not saying there is absolutely zero risk of a run in the woods what I am saying is many many everyday things carry far greater risks

number of children young people dying from knife attacks this year in London over 30, number of children dying in bluebell woods = 0

@TheInvestigator no a lot of girls are getting married in their 20 now. They marry when they want to. It isn't arranged. I know girls that didn't marry at all.

@TeacupDrama what's a previous thread and what I said got to do with this one?

it's a fucking woods what the hell could she possibly be missing out on.

Does nobody enjoy just being lost in a nice serene area of woodland these days? I used to take a notebook and do writing or take a nice book as a teen. The wildflowers were lovely and I liked to watch the squirrels and rabbits.

Whaaaat? Haven't read full thread but my dcs go to the woods at 9 and 10.

BastianBux it happens in other cultures too not just ours. And it isn't like what people think it is. We don't own them what a horrible thing to say.

If you don't own them they how come you said they can't tell you to mind their own business until they are married? Presumably they don't all marry as soon as they are legal adults, so? So as adults they are still not allowed their freedom, not until marriage.

@chocolatelog

What questions?

@chocolatelog, they then become magically safe to walk in woods, make their own decisions? Suddenly they become grown up and sensible? What's the average age to get married?

There's more rapes and murders on non travellers than there is on travellers. I wonder why 🤔

And where was that statistic from? You keep quoting them with no back up!

chocolatelog There's more rapes and murders on non travellers than there is on travellers. I wonder why 🤔

Do you mean as a percentage? I’d be interested to see your source for that, if you’d share (genuinely - not being snarky)?

Most murders/rapes happen in secluded areas not on a high street.

Really? Where did you get that information from?

Those ones.

Your previous thread shows that you have some issues. You won't let your family go on holiday because you're afraid of anything foreign. You don't want them to go sightseeing because you think something bad will happen. Millions of people holiday every year. It's generally safe. But you're scared of it. And you're scared of going out a walk. And your kids are missing out on things because they can't deal with your anxious behaviour.

You should take a look at yourself. This seems bigger than just being worried about genuine risks.

Read back through the thread you'll find your answers.

We don't own them what a horrible thing to say

It they're not allowed to live their own lives until they're handed to their husbands?

Do you treat make children like this? Are they allowed freedom pre marriage?

@TheInvestigator 😂 I'm fine thanks.

But not it!

What's a make?

*male not make

Read back through the thread you'll find your answers.

I really can't find them...

Er, what's with the ganging up on choclatelog?!

My children have all the freedom they want, but because I don't let them wonder in woods on their own I'm a bar person? Ok well if that makes me a bad person then so be it.

And because their made to walk home with others that's a bad thing? Lol.

Honestly can you people not just stay in the right lane. This is about the op's daughter not mine. Keep on track please.

What's a bar?

When I was 16 I would have loved walking in woods every morning. If my mother had tried to stop me I would have gone anyway. Fortunately my parents were fairly sensible in this respect and they just made sure that I knew about safety precautions and self defence.
Actually, now I think about it, I did spend a lot of time alone in woods at that age (I'd forgotten all about it, but I'm so glad this thread reminded me) and it was really good for me. I would come across some people fishing in a lake, or the occasional group of soldiers doing some sort of training, but mostly I was alone. It was a lovely time and really helped me to get in the right frame of mind to study.

My mother has never been keen but she's wrong and it lowers my opinion of her.

That's a bit sad. I'm not keen on my teenage boys being out clubbing in strange cities, or picking up a load of friends and driving 40miles in the middle of the night to see a film or a whole host of other things that teenage boys are at risk from, but I would be sad if they thought my concern was misplaced. They roll their eyes and say "yes mum" with good humour when I feel the need to remind them (normally after something awful has happened in the news).

Of course they go everywhere, we talk about staying safe both out and about and on the roads, and I am as confident as I can be that they are safe. We aren't paranoid about it and we don't restrict their lives but I do get moments of anxiety sometimes.

My children have all the freedom they want

Unless your teenager wants to take a walk by themselves and then you forbid it.

@LimeKiwi there's taking a walk and then there's just being stupid.

@chocolatelog walking in the woods is not stupid!

How's it being stupid taking a walk by yourself?