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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

friend being ridiculous wishing for a small baby?

108 replies

essexgirl12 · 25/04/2019 13:50

me and my friend were chatting about babies.

friend: "i have heard that the birth weight of your baby is to do with the birth weight of the baby's father. my boyfriend was 10lbs when he was born so i hope i don't have a 10lb baby like that!"

me: "it depends on lots of things i don't think it is just that - my brother was 11lbs when he was born!"

friend: "oh i would hate that - i don't want a big chunky baby - i kind of hope my baby is premature and small and cute and diddy"

.........?? stunned to silence really

OP posts:

Vintagegoth · 25/04/2019 14:49

I was 3lbs when I was born and the doctor cracked my Mum's pelvis trying to deliver me with foreceps, so a small baby does not mean an easy birth.

canadianbanana · 25/04/2019 14:51

Stupid thing to wish for. I was born a mo th early, only weighing 3 lbs. Both my DDs were born a couple of weeks early and small, 5lb, 11 oz, and 6 lbs, 9oz. Neither they nor me had any lingering health issues, I am relieved to say, but my smaller baby had a cord prolapse (cord comes out first, so gets squeezed between the baby and the birth canal, cutting off baby’s oxygen). It required a vey quick (under 3 minutes) c-section. So small isn’t necessarily a good thing. I think when people wish for a premie though, they don’t really mean it. She’s really just wishing for an easy delivery, and assumes a premie is an easy delivery.

canadianbanana · 25/04/2019 14:51

*month

dustarr73 · 25/04/2019 14:55

My 9lb 2 baby had to have an xray cause they thought he had shoulder dystocia .Luckily he didnt. He was also forcep and i had stitches on him.Cause he had a big head..But to see him getting that xray and me behind a screen was awful.

Also i had a 37 weeker cause i had gd,and he was 8lb 12.So going early doesnt mean a smaller baby.
My 9lb 13 was the easiest though

Sashkin · 25/04/2019 14:55

I’d like a proportionate baby - I’m short, massive heads run in our family, and both DBro and I had to be born by c-section because we got stuck. So I’d like a baby that I have some chance of delivering.

DS was born at 36 weeks, 6lbs (planned c-section for medical reasons). He had low blood sugars (terrifying), needed tube feeding, and took ages to establish BFing because he was so little and had such a weak suckle. He also looked like a scraggy fragile little thing, and has been late with most of his milestones (caught up now). I’d much rather he’d been born at term, and a couple of lbs heavier.

Foxmuffin · 25/04/2019 14:56

I would have preferred an “average” baby. Which I suspect is what she meant by small. 10lb is a large baby.

I had terrible damage anyway and didn’t even have an enormous baby.

DobbysLeftSock · 25/04/2019 14:56

Pretty sure I couldn't stay friends with someone that fucking stupid to be honest.

NewNewName · 25/04/2019 14:57

"Premature" is what's pissed everyone off here, understandably! But having had two ten pounders myself at 10 & 11 days overdue, I can completely understand wanting a smaller slightly-earlier-than-being-forcibly-induced baby! Especially for first time mums who have no idea what to expect or what their body is capable of. Don't be too hard on her, she probably has no idea what's in store and it's only human nature to want an easy birth.

CallItLoneliness · 25/04/2019 14:57

My second was 9lb10 at 39 weeks even, after an 8lb7 first baby. I was a bit sad not to have the "tiny" 8 pounder experience again, my second was so big (and tall!) she felt like a 3 month old already and I felt like I missed out on the newborn experience a bit. She's still tall--people mistake her for 6 months older than she is at 3 1/2. She's also really verbal...

Having said all that, my SIL had a preemie this year. Wishing for that is a fools errand.

Hidingtonothing · 25/04/2019 15:01

Small babies can be just as much trouble! DD was 5lb 4oz but back to back and I ended up with forceps, an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear. Your friend is an idiot OP.

ReSistingPink · 25/04/2019 15:01

I was horrified by all the very visibly pregnant mothers smoking outside the front door of my maternity hospital and mentioned in my pregnancy group.

It was told to me that a lot of girls intentionally smoke to keep the babies birth weight down.

Fucking ignorant and deplorable. 😓

PeggySuehadababy · 25/04/2019 15:07

Wishing for a normal weight baby is not unreasonable; I'm 4ft8 and weigh 6.5 stones and definitely couldn't even move with a 11lbs baby, forget pushing it out.

Wishing for a premature baby is stupid to say but I met a woman convinced that any baby born before 39 weeks is premature (obviously isn't).

thecatsthecats · 25/04/2019 15:08

I think ignorant is the key word here - she is literally ignorant of the implications of a premature baby.

As such,I can't get too worked up about it. We've probably all idly wished for something that is someone else's worst nightmare.

NonExecutiveFunctioning · 25/04/2019 15:30

just take her saying at face value and leave at it, possibly correct her ignorance about scary complications of tiny and premature babies.

making her out to be someone actually wishing for a very sick baby is a bit mean-spirited

Macandcheese05 · 25/04/2019 16:56

i think wishing for a smaller baby is fine but not premature - thats not something to wish for. so depends on the wording.

Valanice1989 · 25/04/2019 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

jaseyraex · 25/04/2019 17:09

Do tell her that my DS2 born at 37 weeks was 11lb 2oz
DS1 was 9lb 6oz and 2 weeks overdue.

I was 6lb something at full term and DH was born at 26 weeks and weighed 2lb something! So our children were nowhere near our birth weights. I think it's normal that people hope for a "small" baby, as in 7lbs ish, as they think they cause less problems. But most of us know that's not the case.

Tiredmum100 · 25/04/2019 17:10

Mmm, well my 1 st born was
'Prem' wasn't much fun watching him have iv antibiotics for 5 days. Or all the problems he had with it such as hydrocele, hernia op, and horrendous reflux. My 2nd was nearly 10lb and much much easier.

BattenburgIsland · 25/04/2019 17:16

She just doesnt understand the implications of what shes saying...
I had a 10lbs little boy and then a 5.5lb little girl.... my son was a difficult birth which did tear me but he was so big and strong and healthy.....
in no way did I prefer my daughters size, she wasnt prem but she wasnt growing properly in the womb and they had to induce on the due date, and I was so terrified she would die... and when she was born she was so small it really frightened me she looked so fragile. No one really wants their baby to look fragile and unwell. It's really scary in reality it's not 'sweet'. You worry about them so much. And I'm sure she would too if she actually had a prem baby.. she wouldn't be thinking 'great a tiny baby!'
Dont let it wind you up it's just ignorance of the reality of childbirth. Just calmly set her straight.

MitziK · 25/04/2019 17:27

I remember the 'advice' to smoke to give an easier birth from people. Fucking idiots, the lot of them.

There's nothing cute about a reddened little scrap on a ventilator. Or the tiny, tiny clothes that elderly ladies knit to try and ease the pain of their own losses from decades ago - they are just so sad to hold, not just because of the love and loss that has gone into these exquisite little creations, but because that's yet another defenceless baby needing all the help they can get to survive.

I had one normal 7lb 11oz baby that was still too big/in the wrong position to get out without a sunroof assist and one giant/long/nearly 10lb one who needed a bit of assistance on the final stretch. They were still unspeakably cute and tiny to me when they were born - and more importantly, they were alive and healthy. Having the larger baby was a doddle in comparison.

The uterus still needs to contract, the cervix still needs to open, the perineum still needs to accommodate a head. It's going to fucking hurt whatever the size of baby - periods don't hurt any less when there's nothing of size to pass, anymore than miscarriages (had a few) don't.

So yes, your friend is being fucking ridiculous. Tell her to buy a Teeny Tiny Tears doll if she wants small and cute and leave her wishes for her real baby a good size, weight and healthy, as she will never forgive herself if she ends up sitting beside a 32 weeker or below.

Geekster1963 · 25/04/2019 17:40

I'm 4ft 11 and reasonably slim. Everyone said to me your baby will only be 6lb. She was 7lb 15oz and her head was on the 91st percentile.

I don't think your friend really wants a premature baby she just didn't think.

ImTheRealHFella · 25/04/2019 17:45

It's not the weight you need to worry about.

It's their head circumference.

Two kids on 95th and 98th head sizes, despite being very average weights.

Trust me, the head size did the damage 🤣🤣🤣

combatbarbie · 25/04/2019 17:45

I think it was a weird way to say small baby... However if its because she reckons it will be a hard labour/tearing etc I can assure you from my experience smaller babies are the worst to get out

DareDevil223 · 25/04/2019 17:48

My son was 11bs and he was gorgeous. All the midwives wanted to cuddle him and he was healthy and robust. I wouldn't have wanted him any different.

bridgetreilly · 25/04/2019 17:52

Wishing for a premature baby is absolutely vile. They are not 'cute and diddly', they are at serious risk of long-term health problems. Really, really not okay.

Sure, it's normal, though a bit pointless, to maybe hope for a 7lb rather than a 10lb full-term baby. But it is never, ever okay to want your baby to be premature.

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