friend being ridiculous wishing for a small baby?

[essexgirl12]

me and my friend were chatting about babies.

friend: "i have heard that the birth weight of your baby is to do with the birth weight of the baby's father. my boyfriend was 10lbs when he was born so i hope i don't have a 10lb baby like that!"

me: "it depends on lots of things i don't think it is just that - my brother was 11lbs when he was born!"

friend: "oh i would hate that - i don't want a big chunky baby - i kind of hope my baby is premature and small and cute and diddy"

.........?? stunned to silence really

Wanting a small baby is fair enough, its terrifying thinking of pushing a massive head through your vag when it's your first. But to want a premature is not cool at all :-( :-(

Oh I didn't read till the end, she is an idiot to hope for a premature baby, what a stupid, thoughtless thing to say.

“A little prem baby”

ODFOD. What a tool. Yanbu.

I was a little guilty of this when pregnant - both DH and I were small babies and I did say to a few people that I hoped DD followed suit. It came from ignorance and naivety, thinking that a smaller baby would mean an easier birth. I also said I hoped she would come early, as I again stupidly thought earlier meant smaller and so less pain/chance of stitches.

Maybe she means premature as a couple of weeks early, rather than very premature. I should imagine if this is her first then she's just ignorant and hasn't really thought through what shes saying.

I had a “little prem “ baby . 1 lb 5 oz at 23+5 . Let’s hope she’s just being a dick and it doesn’t actually happen . I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Premature- very unreasonable.

Not wanting a big baby I can understand. I've had two over 9lb and it's not the delivery so much as having to carry that in the end. I'm now 30 weeks with Number 3 and have got awful SPD. The fact this baby could be another chunk does not fill me with happiness.

Big babies are easier than small ones.

Their weight and size make dilation and birthing easier. The thinking that small babies will slide out with barely a push isn’t accurate.

She doesn't mean premature, she does just mean small. And let's face it, how many of us have actually relished the idea of pushing a large baby out. The small ones still bloody hurt!

That said, my experience with my smaller babies was complicated in that they were twins. So while 4lb 4 twin delivered easily, 5lb 5 one tried to exit with his foot by his head.... It didn't work and I often wonder if he had been bigger he wouldn't have been able to get stuck. He ended up a csection.

Babies will be as big or as small as they come. I think deliberately trying to create a small baby (ie by smoking) is so far out of order it should be considered negligent. By all means I understand those who cannot quit. But to smoke to have a small baby means you really aren't considering the wider impact.

wanting a small baby is reasonable when pushing

wanting a premature baby is ignorant and disgusting

Just so she knows, it's not the head that's the hardest bit, it's the bloody shoulders!

Stupid comment to make, especially if in the hearing of someone who has been through the heartache of a prem, very poorly baby. My best friend had very premature twins, both had to be in different hospitals for specialist care and one didn't survive. There aren't words for how harrowing and distressing it was for my friend and her DH, and still is years later.

I'm sure your friend didn't think of situations like that when she said what she said, but she could do with a gentle reminder to watch what she's saying in future as it could be extremely distressing for someone who has been through it.

She's selfish, immature and deluded.

Heaven help the child

it’s not unusual to not want a Big Baby, my son was 10lbs 4 I felt about cheated as he didn’t look new born (people joked he looked 3 months) and he never fit into any of his newborn clothes. Most people think smaller babies are cuter.

She’s clearly ignorant about what prematurity means for a baby and the risks it carries.

DS1 was born at 34 weeks and spent his first 3 and a half weeks in SCBU. Things went relatively smoothly for us, but there were some very poorly premature babies in there. It’s not something I’d wish on anyone.

For using the work premature she’s BVU!

I had a nearly 9lb chunky baby and my sister had a just under 5lb baby but I know which I’d prefer - the massive one that would probably bounce if I dropped it! My sisters baby looks so fragile in comparison to my little chunk.

Depends on the context.
I’m 36 weeks, measuring 40 weeks, growth scan tomorrow to see babies size and I’m ‘wishing’ it’s not too big as I know I’ll have to go through all the rigmarole of a gtt/possible early induction when all I want is to get to term and have as natural a labour and birth as possible.

Wishing for a pre term baby is just cruel

What an idiot.

I have had a 7lbs baby and a 8lbs 15oz baby and having the bigger one didn't hurt any more.

If she wants a small, fragile baby, I suggest she gets a doll.

i definitely do not think she meant it in a malicious way - from reading these response, lots of women hope for small babies. but i think she should have chosen different words and not the word "premature"

I'm sure she didn't mean it the way she blurted it out, and it was just an unfortunate choice of words on the spur of the moment.
No-one would wish their baby to be born before they are ready, and I'm sure she doesn't wish that for her baby either.
She was clearly just referring to the size of pushing out a huge baby!

Silly cow, my twins were premature (although not majorly) and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I mean, surely no one wishes to have an extra large baby to squeeze out, I'm sure she was joking about wanting a premature baby?

Is she confusing a premature baby with an early baby? Because lots of people seem to do that. They mean a week early and say their baby was a week premature. Iirc premature is before 37 weeks.

My first and third were just over 9lb and were both late but DS2 was born at 37+2 and was 10lb. He almost came at 29 weeks when my placenta ruptured and it was one of the most terrifying and worrying experiences of my life - I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I think everyone would like a small baby but think she has made an error using the word premature!

I honestly don’t think it sounds malicious, most people think small babies are cute. My first was quite big at 8lb (I’m only 5ft and was 15) then I had a 7lb, 5.13lb and 6lb. Easiest delivery was the smallest. First and second were horrendous forceps, 3rd degree tears. Third was fine, easy labour with just g&a and one hardly any pushing. 4th ended in an emergency c-section. If she used the word premature she’s an insensitive dick but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to hope for a small baby.

Honestly, it sounds like it was a badly worded throwaway comment. Doesn’t mean she’s a horrible person or anything. I think a lot of people assume small baby= easier birth but pretty sure it doesn’t. Certainly doesn’t hurt any less! Anecdotally, my bigger baby (over 9lbs) was a bugger to push out as she got stuck. The smaller one (under 7lbs) arrived in 1 push as he was in a massive hurry. No one really knows how it plays out til the time comes.

She’s a prat.

My dc have all been iugr pregnancies (unknown cause in my case). Thankfully not drastically (of the 5 the smallest was 5lb1oz the biggest 6lb13oz). 1 was premature, not by a lot, he was 35 weeks but he was very very poorly at birth- we were asked when he was an hour old if we wanted him baptised. I’m with Trixie It’s not something I would wish on anyone.

Fwiw my ‘biggest’ was the easiest labour & birth of all of them. The hardest was my 35 weeker, he was actually quite ‘big’ for his gestation (& me, going on the other 4) at 5lb5oz but had a very big head.