Being punished at work during a really difficult time

[Habbs]

28 weeks pregnant and having a difficult couple of weeks. Some issues were flagged up at a growth scan, I opted for an amniocentesis, no results yet but been told to prepare myself. I'm obviously devastated and have been a mess since it all happened.

I left work to go to the scan, with it being taken as an ante-natal appointment and to go back afterwards, obviously after getting bad news and spending a long time talking to the consultant I over ran until my office had shut.

I didn't sleep at all that night, I suffer from anxiety anyway and this just made me a complete wreck. I text my manager in the morning saying I wouldn't be in, just explaining I had some concerns with my pregnancy and that I was very upset. He replied saying "You know policy Habbs, sorry but I need a phone call" I didn't feel up to it but I know it's procedure so I rang, within 30 seconds I was hysterical which I know is embarrassing as a grown woman/supposed professional but I'm just a wreck with it all. I ended up having to end the call because I couldn't speak I was so upset. I text and said I'm so sorry, I'm really struggling to hold myself together enough to speak about it. No reply.

I had the amnio the next day, I didn't want to text again so I emailed his work address just to explain I was having an amnio, that I'm sorry for not being more professional and that once I knew more I'd be in touch properly. Thanked him for understanding and apologised for leaving the team short for the remainder of the week. No reply.

It's been a few days since, I've been home with DH just in bits. Every now and then it just hits me and I panic and cry. I'm barely sleeping and having a lot of panic attacks. Manager hadn't been in touch since and I thought it was understood that I was just having a few days to deal with everything.

I've had an email now with a letter attached about a disciplinary hearing for a week unauthorised absence due to 'lack of adequate contact' and it's really hurt me. I've never done anything like this before but I'm really struggling, I tried to speak to him and couldn't pull myself together enough. It just seems such insensitive timing to do this when I've got a lot on my plate waiting for results. I'm not sure what to do? I know companies have policies but surely for something like this you would give people a little bit of slack? I'm already so worried about my baby and now I'm worried about my job too.

I wonder if you work for an organisation that has a high proportion of whiners and lead-swingers, and management are in a position of trying to crack down on it. This can sometimes lead to very strict following of policy and little leeway in the early stages (eg you get called in for a first-stage disciplinary when you might have expected an informal chat but once you present your case, it's sorted.)

Or are you someone who takes a couple of days off if you have a shitty horoscope?
I appreciate that you are having a tough time at the moment, but if you have a track record for flaking, poor contact and expecting a great deal of sympathy, especially if your absence means a lot of extra work for your colleagues, then (again) management might have decided to crack down a bit more.

Your work are being shit OP (as are a lot of people on here!) Mine have a policy to call in every day but when I had a miscarriage and was in hospital appointments to deal with that I called once the day it happened to explain why I wasn't in (didn't know miscarriage at that point.) Once it was confirmed I then emailed explaining what had happened and I wouldn't be in at least for two weeks. They were brilliant (and my work can be knobs!) I didn't have to contact them again until I felt ready and although I did have sick notes from the doctors they didn't rush me to bring them in until I was fully ready to be back at work. Yes there are policies but at the end of the day there is being human and having a bit of compassion! I hope I never work for or with some of you people 🙄

I didn't think you could face disciplinary action for anything pregnancy related.

There is nothing in that policy that states you must phone in. You did inform him.. the only thing they can have you on is not telling them how long you'd be off/not getting GP note to them in time.

That being said, where I worked they were not allowed to discipline you for any time off relating to your pregnancy.. so if your company has the same policy, he's a complete dickhead.

Please do contact your HR when you send in your sick note and explain whats going on, even if your DH needs to be on speaker phone with you or something.

Your boss has been awful. Get signed off at the doctors, backdated to last week if possible - from wednesday and for as long as needed while you cope with the situation you find yourself in. If you can put it in writing that you werent on sick Monday last week you were at an antenatal appt which you are entitled to time off for and which over ran. You then phoned on Tuesday to explain which isnt even a working day but got so upset that you then emailed on your first actual day off sick - Wednesday - and said you'd be off the rest of the week. You had no indication this wasnt acceptable from him and had assumed he realised you were too upset to personally ring in after the call on Tuesday. Then before you had a chance to ring in on your next working day (today due to bank holidays) you get a letter telling you to attend a disciplinary! That you are now signed off and all the absence has been for pregnancy related sickness. I dont know if you should attend the disciplinary meeting but I'd be tempted to and not to worry if you get very upset while there.

Havnt you are well out of order in your above comment. Additionally you clearly don't understand the basic constituents of equality and discrimination law so best leave that side to those who do.

OP please call your HR department and explain the situation. This is absolutely not on and any decent employee would fully understand.

It makes me really angry that they would count this as AWOL when you have been in touch. They won't give you a warning if you fully explain what has happened but you shouldn't be called for a meeting in the first place.

I absolutely feel for you OP - I work the NHS and our policy is that no you can't email/text/get someone to ring in on your behalf however the situation. The policy is there in black and white and you haven't adhered to it - I'm going through a stressful situation at work re bullying and whistle blowing and as much as I feel like it's the last thing I want to do I know I have to ring in and actually speak to someone as that's the sickness policy. I think once you explain things it would be a unsympathetic manager who would take things further but they have to adhere to the policy.

@HaventGotAllDay have some compassion please. If you've been through similar then you know how awful OP must be feeling FFS what is wrong with you.

If you've got a sick note you absolutely DO NOT need to attend the meeting and ask if you can contact another manager. Your manager sounds like a total wank badger.

Good luck OP. Your manager sounds awful. As do many PP in the thread.

Have you spoken to anyone in HR? I think your line manager is being very harsh. He could have phoned you to see how you were doing. He knows how distressed you are. He's being an arse, actually. I work in HR and if someone goes really AWOL, we have to invite them in to a meeting TWICE before we even think of disciplinary. If you rang me in those circumstances Habb, I'd be speaking to the line manager and advising him to wind his neck in.

And I'm interested to hear the hassle you have already had during your pregnancy.... do you have an Equality team in work? It sounds to me like there's a huge possibility of pregnancy discrimination going on here. Has anyone else been disciplined in similar circumstances who isn't pregnant?

My employer is also anal about phone calls, so I do get that bit. I think it's a load of shit though; I don't see any reason why you can't text or email in 2019. I also sobbed (in person) with my (totally lacking in empathy/non-people person in extremis) line manager when I had a missed miscarriage. He didn't know what to do!! Contact your union NOW if you are in one. Otherwise ask someone in work to attend with you. You can either attend the hearing, or say you're not able to (with a note from your GP to support you). They'd then have to send you to Occupational Health to determine if you were fit to attend.

Put your case together too. Yes, you didn't follow policy to the letter. But, it would be a hard hearted bastard who'd give you a disciplinary sanction in your situation. Worst case scenario, I can't see anything more than a low level warning.

Hope everything is ok with your wee baby, because at the end of the day, that's all that matters. Hugs xx

If you've got a sick note you absolutely DO NOT need to attend the meeting and ask if you can contact another manager. Your manager sounds like a total wank badger.

Please check facts before misinformation - as said I'm employed by the NHS and we absolutely can be asked to attend a meeting. We're allowed to once re-arrange but after that the meeting can go ahead without us. This is why it's so dangerous asking strangers on a forum for advice as you'll be given misinformation like the above.

The op said she did call in but had to end the call as she was so upset.
Your boss sounds awful and I’m wondering if they’re being underhand and if so, I think you could do them for constructive dismissal.

I Would get your midwife or GP to back date the sick time (for stress because for those saying she isn’t ill, stress is illness!).
Your boss has been totally unreasonable.

@twitchticklingproblem I work in HR so fully au fait with employment law thanks.

Sorry to hear your baby is at risk @Habbs, I hope you get good news.

Your manager is a nasty individual; however much he personally dislikes you it's hard to comprehend having no sympathy for someone in your position and policy aside he hasn't expressed sympathy nor helped you in any way. (Same goes for some posters on this thread.)
You should have had DH or another person call and you just say it's you then have them speak for you; can you do that for any future required calls? Get a backdated sick note from your GP if you can tomorrow and send it to HR as well as your manager along with a detailed explanation including the timeline and relevant dates for the results. Then call in to check it has been received. If you can attend the disciplinary as well then I'm sure it will be immediately obvious why you can't be in work and why calling wasn't top of mind; they can't all be so heartless. I'd feel awful for a team member of mine in your situation, I can't comprehend these attitudes. Try to get a union rep or a sensible manager to go with you to help you.

OP, have you now contacted them to tell them what has happened or is today now counted as another non cert day?? If you've had two emails ignored then are you sure they're actually receiving them?

That being said, where I worked they were not allowed to discipline you for any time off relating to your pregnancy.. so if your company has the same policy, he's a complete dickhead.

They're not disciplining for the time off, they're doing it for the lack of contact, otherwise someone could contact them once and them be off for months with no further contact.

I can understand why people are criticising the manager but they have to be seen to be following procedure. I've worked with people who would definitely have not called in and then said "but you didn't do anything when Habbs did it". There are some CFs who monitor exactly what everyone else gets so if you do something in kindness then they will take advantage.

Whilst I absolutely see where you are coming from, there is a very good reason why employers, even in 2019, do not accept texts and emails. I know of a recent case where an employee’s abuser was using their phone to text to excuse the employee from work. So whilst it seems harsh, it is in the employee’s best interests to speak directly with the employer.

OP your employer needs to act reasonably and this is not reasonable. Whilst yes they can invite you in for a meeting you do not need to attend if you are too unwell to do so- just tell them.

They can't go ahead with the meeting in your absence unless absolutely necessary - you are not AWOL you have made reasonable attempts to contact them and you will send in a sick note. If they proceed with the farce of a disciplinary in these circumstance submit a grievance for pregnancy related discrimination - it seems to have been a running theme.

twitch I work for the NHS too and that happened to one of my co-workers. Their union absolutely battered them for it and the disciplinary action was withdrawn. About time common sense overruled

But they would have had to have sent the letter on Tuesday which was a non working day and she had only had had one day for which she had called in for ahead of Shift and followed up with email to advise of pg related hospital procedure

They have to TELL YOU in advance if they are going to proceed in your absence.

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge Thu 25-Apr-19 00:18:49
@twitchticklingproblem I work in HR so fully au fait with employment law thanks

Rubbish- your're obviously not 'au fait' with NHS employment. We are allowed to defer a meeting once - after that the meeting can go ahead without us. I suggest you familiarise yourself with the policies of the NHS and stop misinforming posters.

And yes as Touch says, they will need to send another letter explicitly stating this- there is no way on earth a decent HR department would allow this to continue. They will get annihilated by HR and legal if they continue.

@twitchticklingproblem I am au fait with ACTUAL employment law. As in the law of the land - you are talking absolute bolllocks.