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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?

559 replies

scarbados · 24/04/2019 13:14

We moved to a small coastal town from a big city 3 years ago and were happy with the idea that we'd probably have friends visiting, especially during summer. We have a spare room with ensuite bathroom and it's always ready for visitors.

If people are staying, they're welcome to join us in whatever we do, go their own way or a mixture. Sometimes they eat with us, other times they eat out and at others we all eat out together. We never expect them to pay for our meals but it's nice when they do. Neither do we ever expect payment from our guests.

But ... the couple due to arrive tomorrow for 3 nights have just messaged me and asked me to make sure there's white bread and strawberry jam here for their breakfasts, and a carton of orange juice because she doesn't drink tea or coffee. (There's a supermarket at the end of the road which will be open when they get here so they could pick up their own stuff when they arrive.) Then I got a second message from the male of the pairing asking me to 'please make sure there's a clean throw over the sofa and the cat doesn't sit on it before they arrive' as after the last visit he noticed cat hair on his jeans. I use a pet hair brush daily on the sofa as I know the cat loves to sleep on it. He doesn't sit on any of the other chairs in the house, where the guest could easliy sit but he prefers the sofa.

I feel like suggesting he does his own shopping and brings a clothes brush, or books into one of the many hotels in town. He's getting 3 nights free accommodation and fed for at least 4 meals while he's here and seems to be trying to set out a list of requirements I have to meet.

AIBU to be seriously pissed off and tempted to tell them I'll book a hotel room on their behalf and they're paying for it?

OP posts:
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Honeyroar · 26/04/2019 11:56

That’s great that your message made such a huge difference to their behaviour. Did they ever reply? I’m not sure if I read all the pages!

Basilneedswaterandsun · 26/04/2019 12:20

Hi op, loving this CF thread! Were both original texts from the guy?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/04/2019 12:52

Tofty

Seriously envying your midnight black cats!

All the cats on here are gorgeous, but BLACK (My favourite . . . )

Motoko · 26/04/2019 13:44

I also wondered if she'd got wind of this thread.

scarbados · 26/04/2019 13:50

@Basilneedswaterandsun Yes both from him. I'm not sure she was aware until after he'd sent them both - it certainly seems that way from her attitude to him since they got here.

They've just set off for Whitby and won't be back until this evening. I'm enjoying J's company - I always did from the day we met at work. It's just him. She's bright and sparky and fun. He's what my granny would have called a wet lettuce. He must have hidden qualities!

OP posts:
SihtricsHorseWitnere · 26/04/2019 13:52

If she'd got wind of this thread she'd have put her hand in her pocket and given at least a box of chocolate or taken her out for a drink or ordered a takeaway.

Basilneedswaterandsun · 26/04/2019 14:03

If my DP was the sender of texts like that I would be so utterly mortified that I would take you to one side and apologise profusely for the rudeness

BackforGood · 26/04/2019 14:27

She must definitely have read the thread Grin

Glad you can still enjoy her company though.

Motoko · 26/04/2019 14:31

Me too Basil.

AliceRR · 26/04/2019 14:35

@nicenewdusters Did she even give you clean sheets that you could put on the bed? I’d have asked. I wouldn’t want to sleep in someone else’s sheets.

@Provincialbelle That doesn’t sound great but you did say they “went all out” when you stayed with them

AliceRR · 26/04/2019 14:38

It’s nice that you’ve enjoyed catching up with your friend OP

Latkes · 26/04/2019 14:38

I’d say that your cat has asked you, to tell him not to sit on his sofa unless he’s not using it.
And with regards to the shopping, don’t worry that’s there’s a supermarket within easy distance so they can stock up on anything they specifically want. And you and your husband wouldn’t say no to some wine while they’re in there.

thefuriousfuggler · 26/04/2019 14:48

@Latkes RTFT CF friends have done their shopping and OP would say no to wine as she and DP don't drink.

ToftyAC · 26/04/2019 16:54

@schadenfreudepwrsonified
Thank you 😊
We love our blackies (brother & sister). No one wanted them. They were the last 2 in the litter so a neighbour of the owners took them, but they were living in a horse box as they weren’t accepted by the neighbour’s resident cats, so she couldn’t keep them either. We love them... they’re such a silly, funny sweet natured pair 💖

nicenewdusters · 26/04/2019 17:17

AliceRR No, she didn't offer any clean sheets. We'd got in late, all had a few drinks, were getting changed when she just popped her head round the door and said it. If I remember correctly we put something over the pillows, I think our clothes. As it was a hot night we slept on top of the duvet, can't remember what we used as a cover.

The boyfriend really was a peach. At their wedding his best man made the kind of speech that makes you want to set fire to your own head. It involved a tent, weird sex, and other lewd comments. The elderly relatives were just looking aghast, you couldn't even laugh nervously as your throat was too constricted due to the horror Grin

rainbowstardrops · 26/04/2019 17:26

Aww, I'm actually really pleased that you're having a lovely catch up with your friend and it's only her ridiculous partner that was the problem.
It would be lovely if your friend came to stay on her own in future because I'm sure you'd have a great time!

AliceRR · 26/04/2019 19:20

@nicenewdusters How annoying. I didn’t mean that to sound like you were wrong in some way BTW. I’m sure at the time it’s awkward but she should have known better. It almost would have been better if she just didn’t tell you 🤔 (not sure)

😂 The boyfriend sounds like OP’s guest!

Drum2018 · 26/04/2019 19:43

Bet he's hung like a donkey - that's his redeeming feature, which can keep going for ages in the shower. Good luck not staring at his crotch when they get back from Whitby Grin

nicenewdusters · 26/04/2019 20:49

AliceRR No worries, didn't come across that way at all. As you can tell from my username I'm a bit of a neat freak ! I think we were just so stunned we didn't say anything. It was many years ago - wouldn't happen now.

We had various strange outings with them, including a strange studenty party where one of his geeky friends took a shine to me. This was despite by BF being with me. All I remember is that he had a motorbike handle sticking out of his jeans pocket! (that's not a euphamism Grin ) He proceeded to drink something neat and lethal whilst talking to me, then staggered off and collapsed in the room where all the coats were. God I'm glad we don't see them anymore.

AliceRR · 26/04/2019 21:48

@nicenewdusters I am too and wouldn’t dream of sleeping in used bedding ordinarily. Think not seeing them any more was the right call 😂

Now trying to think of any of my own CF guest stories 🤔

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/04/2019 22:05

Most catteries/ rescues say that blacks are the least popular (same with black dogs), Tofty - but I have the opposite opinion.

I luffs them!

I have a black dog, but have never achieved a black cat because when I've been looking for kittens there hasn't been one available. I have two gingers, and they're lovely (for murdering bastards!), but I'd love a black,

ToftyAC · 26/04/2019 22:38

Blimey @schadenfreudepersonified
Our nearest cattery is RSPCA Stapeley Grange and no one ever wants the black cats. They can’t give them away! Sad really, these are my two first black fluffs and they are two of the best and I’ve had so many cats over the years. Wouldn’t give them up for anything Smile

TapasForTwo · 27/04/2019 08:30

I don't understand why black cats are so unpopular. We used to have one and he was so beautiful and adorable. Sadly DD is allergic to cats so we can't have any.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/04/2019 08:48

If I could take an older cat it would be easier I think Tofty^ - but I have a houseful of dogs and cats, so I really need to be able to take a young animal that will be accepted and also find it easy to adapt.

We have two cats bow (both gingers, litter brothers). There were five in the litter - 3 gingers, 2 ginger/white. All the others had been "dibbed" and we got the last two.

Our others were all tortoiseshells - another colour I have to admit I am particularly fond of.

First was from a litter of five - our brindled tortie (chosen by DD), a silver tabby, a ginger and two sort of peachy coloured light ginger tabbies.

A few weeks later we got our second - a "calico" tortie - again a litter of five. I can't remember in detail the others, but again - lots of colours - no black.

Some years later we added a third - a blue tortoiseshell. Litter of 4, two blue tortoise and two peachy-coloured.

When DS got his kitten (silver tabby and white from a litter of 4) there was a black with a tiny bit of white on her chest - but DH said "no". I think that with the three dogs and two cats we had he felt there were enough mouths to feed.

I love black cats and black dogs - they are stunning!

RandomAmanda · 27/04/2019 09:34

I don't understand why black cats are so unpopular

One reason I've heard of is that black cats don't photograph as well so aren't as good an option for selfies and Instagram pics!! Crazy if that's true.

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