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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?

559 replies

scarbados · 24/04/2019 13:14

We moved to a small coastal town from a big city 3 years ago and were happy with the idea that we'd probably have friends visiting, especially during summer. We have a spare room with ensuite bathroom and it's always ready for visitors.

If people are staying, they're welcome to join us in whatever we do, go their own way or a mixture. Sometimes they eat with us, other times they eat out and at others we all eat out together. We never expect them to pay for our meals but it's nice when they do. Neither do we ever expect payment from our guests.

But ... the couple due to arrive tomorrow for 3 nights have just messaged me and asked me to make sure there's white bread and strawberry jam here for their breakfasts, and a carton of orange juice because she doesn't drink tea or coffee. (There's a supermarket at the end of the road which will be open when they get here so they could pick up their own stuff when they arrive.) Then I got a second message from the male of the pairing asking me to 'please make sure there's a clean throw over the sofa and the cat doesn't sit on it before they arrive' as after the last visit he noticed cat hair on his jeans. I use a pet hair brush daily on the sofa as I know the cat loves to sleep on it. He doesn't sit on any of the other chairs in the house, where the guest could easliy sit but he prefers the sofa.

I feel like suggesting he does his own shopping and brings a clothes brush, or books into one of the many hotels in town. He's getting 3 nights free accommodation and fed for at least 4 meals while he's here and seems to be trying to set out a list of requirements I have to meet.

AIBU to be seriously pissed off and tempted to tell them I'll book a hotel room on their behalf and they're paying for it?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
20
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/04/2019 20:58

Could you write an account of their visit from the viewpoint of Lord Reggie of Scarborough?

yorkshirepud44 · 25/04/2019 20:59

This is the curse of living in a coastal town. We had a fair few attempts at this and I developed a few stock answers to bat off requests until they stopped. The vast majority of people make shit guests unless they have to host themselves and realise what a ball ache it is.

It's strictly close family and friends now. Dp and I stay in hotels wherever we can. Obligation free that way. Smile

clairedelalune · 25/04/2019 21:27

Not read through the whole thread... unless this is a drip feed and you then tell us that you are actually a b&b and charge, they are being ridiculous cfs. I would be tempted to ignore messages and pretend phone not working. Any more such requests and I would be out and gone away for the weekend ...

Tistheseason17 · 25/04/2019 21:34

Wow, they are proper CFs.

lucertola28 · 25/04/2019 21:44

Good for Reggie!

AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?
AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?
strawberrisc · 25/04/2019 21:47

Looking forward to more updates!

Provincialbelle · 25/04/2019 21:49

Years ago an old friend came to stay with new oh and young son. They had been perfect hosts when we stayed there (overseas), and in return we paid for everything when we all went out - several restaurant meals and coffees. They were embarrassed but we said don’t worry you can shout us something when you come to us.

Well, they did come to us. Kid made a mess everywhere (spilt food) which they made no effort to clean up. They spend the whole time worrying loudly about money. I bought tickets for the London Eye for everyone as a treat. Didn’t get a word of thanks. They brought a £5 bottle of wine and drank over £200 worth of ours (champagne etc so obvious how expensive it was). First day out I make a load of food and give it to all children (theirs and ours). Second day guest makes a load of food in identical fashion, gives it all to theirs and nothing for ours. They insist on buggering around wjth planned activities even though neither had been here before ffs and ended up arguing with cafe staff over prices because they insisted on going somewhere Uber posh assuming it would be “normal” cafe prices. Left it to us to buy rounds everywhere we went.

We stayed quiet for the sake of an easy life but the friendship ended soon after

Knittingsavesme · 25/04/2019 21:52

OP I want to see your yarn stashSmile

Cataline · 25/04/2019 22:33

I'd reply with a single laughing emoji.

The cat one.

Mikki77 · 25/04/2019 22:45

I would say 'looking forward to seeing you both BUT could you pick up what you want for breakfast at the supermarket - i really dont have time. And as for the cat I can't watch it constantly, however I realise this may be an issue for you so please feel free to stay at a local hotel. I don't want you both to think you have to stay with us because you're here. We'd be happy if we saw you for the odd lunch and dinner. Hinestly we wint be offended.' A good friend will reply back mortified or agree to stay at a hotel!

Azure83 · 25/04/2019 22:55

You are such a generous host! Looking forward to more updates on their stay. Also, what will you do when they ask to come next? Stall or be brutally honest?

EKGEMS · 25/04/2019 23:29

Patches here will keep a sharp eye on your rude guests! (Nom de guerre is gangsta kitty)

AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?
MustShowDH · 25/04/2019 23:31

Looking forward to more updates when he wakes up with the cat sharing his pillow!

CountessWindyBottom · 25/04/2019 23:45

They sound insufferable. I think I’d feign bubonic plague or some wildly contagious flesh eating disease and advise them that it’s probably best that they fuck off as a matter of urgency.

TigerTooth · 25/04/2019 23:46

This reply has been deleted

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nicenewdusters · 25/04/2019 23:59

Oh well that's the OP told then !

Jux · 26/04/2019 00:09

So they didn't offer to take you out for dinner as thanks for letting them stay with you? They just went out for dinner without you on their first evening as your guests?

You know I'd be so disgusted in your place that I'd tell them something had come up and they had to find a hotel in the morning.

Blueuggboots · 26/04/2019 00:13

I'd send a message "haha, you're hilarious!!"

ddl1 · 26/04/2019 00:17

Why can't they bring their own bread, jam and orange juice if it's so important to them? Or at the very least offer to pay for it? And bring an old towel or something to put over the sofa if it's that important to them? They sound very spoilt.

jade9390 · 26/04/2019 00:22

You are being treated and spoken to like a hotel owner, not a friend who is doing them a favour. You are being taken advantage off. When friends stay, if they want something which we do not eat or have in the cupboard, they bring it or go to the shop. As for the cat hair, from someone who dislike cats, I would not have even mentioned it as it is your house, it is up to them to brush it off the throw. They should also volunteer to help you out with chores.

MadCattery · 26/04/2019 00:54

Squeaker, Bohdi and Luna would like clotted cream on that toast, and you may skip the strawberry jam!

AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?
AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?
AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?
Beargrin · 26/04/2019 01:05

Some people have no shame. I hope the cat poops in their bed.

whyamievenamazeddotcom · 26/04/2019 01:28

Do you even get on with this woman OP we’re you looking forward to catching up? Did they invite themselves? I’d have to. Say something but know it’s difficult to do in the moment so just do what others have suggested re looking after guests getting too much for us and we aren’t doing it any more would love to meet up time to time if in the area hopefully they’ll get the message
Ps my girl cat once pooed in my DH cap that he’d left in the hall when we went out for the afternoon ... I’d send her up to train Reggie but unfortunately she passed away a few years ago x I’d cut them off you don’t need the stress or people like this in your life - we spend a lot of time staying with relatives when we make the 6 hour trip to see DH family but we never ever go empty handed, wine, flowers and at least a meal out for the parents plus any odd jobs that need doing completely OOO ... do keep us updated and if there’s any tom foolery in the bathroom bang loudly and say Reggie needs to use the loo for a number two (think jinks in meet the fockers)

BingandFlop2019 · 26/04/2019 03:04

I'm just..... Shock

Roussette · 26/04/2019 07:23

Posters aren't RTFT.

The couple are actually there now so all the posts saying why don't you tell them this or that, it's too late!