AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?

[scarbados]

We moved to a small coastal town from a big city 3 years ago and were happy with the idea that we'd probably have friends visiting, especially during summer. We have a spare room with ensuite bathroom and it's always ready for visitors.

If people are staying, they're welcome to join us in whatever we do, go their own way or a mixture. Sometimes they eat with us, other times they eat out and at others we all eat out together. We never expect them to pay for our meals but it's nice when they do. Neither do we ever expect payment from our guests.

But ... the couple due to arrive tomorrow for 3 nights have just messaged me and asked me to make sure there's white bread and strawberry jam here for their breakfasts, and a carton of orange juice because she doesn't drink tea or coffee. (There's a supermarket at the end of the road which will be open when they get here so they could pick up their own stuff when they arrive.) Then I got a second message from the male of the pairing asking me to 'please make sure there's a clean throw over the sofa and the cat doesn't sit on it before they arrive' as after the last visit he noticed cat hair on his jeans. I use a pet hair brush daily on the sofa as I know the cat loves to sleep on it. He doesn't sit on any of the other chairs in the house, where the guest could easliy sit but he prefers the sofa.

I feel like suggesting he does his own shopping and brings a clothes brush, or books into one of the many hotels in town. He's getting 3 nights free accommodation and fed for at least 4 meals while he's here and seems to be trying to set out a list of requirements I have to meet.

AIBU to be seriously pissed off and tempted to tell them I'll book a hotel room on their behalf and they're paying for it?

[Stiffasaboard]

Those is a joke surely?

No one can be that rude

[Aquamarine1029]

WOW. The nerve of some people is truly staggering. I would be furious, quite honestly.

My first thought is to tell them to find a hotel because fuck that "friendship", but at a minimum I would tell them you have no time to buy THEIR food, but they can surely find a store when they get into town. As for the cat, I would tell him the cat lives here, he doesn't, so fuck off about the cat hair on your pants.

[ellendegeneres]

‘Not at all, please don’t forget my fee of £300 for the 3 night stay, guests check in time is between the hours of 6 and 8pm’

[alittleprivacy]

My first instinct would be to send a blunt,"WTAF!!!!! Getting the first text was bad but this is taking the piss. I'm not running a B&B, if I was I'd be charging £60pn."

[Branleuse]

id reply "LOL, you had me going there for a minute"

[BibbyDarling]

Text the bill right back to them...

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

Yup, this is CF territory.

I’d message back to say I was sorry but I’m unable to accommodate their requirements. If they chose to stay in a hotel instead I’d understand.

Cheeky buggers!

[Troels]

These are not friends they are free loaders, send him links to Air BNB and say, sorry we aren't availible anymore.

[UCOforAC12]

CF! How rude! I'd make the comment about already having done a shop but they're welcome to bring their own.

[mimibunz]

Just respond: “Ha ha! Good one!”

[babysharkah]

Hello, here's the local travelodge / premier inn / b&b - they have a buffet.

FUCK OFF!

[ElektraUnchained]

Just text back a laughing emoji.

[Sexnotgender]

Definitely don’t let them be such cheeky fuckers without saying something to them!

[recrudescence]

Are these old friends? Have they previously revealed a totally bonkers streak? Because these requests are professional level audacious.

[escapade1234]

Who are they? Why are you letting all and sundry stay in your home? I’d call time on the free for all B&B and just stick to close family and friends.

I know it’s tempting when you relocate to offer open invitations because you want to keep in touch but some people are just free loaders. I would only come to stay if I wanted to visit you and spend time with you, I wouldn’t use your home as a base to explore the area. And I’d come loaded with gifts!

[LordoftheRinse]

Tell him to pick the stuff that he wants up from the shop on the way. Cheeky git!

[ScrambledSmegs]

Seriously? What a dick. Do you like these people? Do they bring anything good to your life? If not I'd be seriously tempted to burn those bridges and tell them to turn the car around and drive home, right now.

[HeyNannyNanny]

I personally would feign an issue with the ensuite and send your regrets for cancelling their booking visit.

Im too much of a wimp to outright say they're no longer welcome but wouldn't want people like that in my house.

[PinaColadaPlease]

I'm sorry you've text the wrong number, we are not the Hilton!

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

"Are you absolutely sure that you both WANT to stay with us? We won't be at all offended if you choose to stay in a hotel/B&B and just meet up with us a few times instead. If you do stay with us then there is a supermarket nearby so you can get whatever specialty foods you want. This is the cat's home and he has free run of it, so perhaps bring a clothes brush with you to deal with cat hairs."

[sockatoe]

Good grief, that's really cheeky. I wouldn't address a B&B that way, let alone family/friend. I'd be inclined to have a late notice commitment meaning that their visit (as opposed to holiday booking) is no longer convenient

[Reallyevilmuffin]

They must have form to come out with this - any other stories?

[ScrambledSmegs]

Oh, they haven't left yet?! Perfect! Send back a quick text cancelling their freeloading jolly at your expense.

[Reaah]

My reply would be a simple

I don't have any of those but the shop at the end of the road is open until x so you will make it here in time to get what you need.

[ContessaIsOnADietDammit]

YANBU - be pissed off!

Message back:

1. I am not running a B and B - get your own groceries if you're so fussy!
   
2. The cat lives here, you don't. You knew he lived here and chose to visit anyway, so I think you need to just take your chances!
   
3. Feel free to go stay in a hotel - at least they get paid for being treated like your staff.....