We moved to a small coastal town from a big city 3 years ago and were happy with the idea that we'd probably have friends visiting, especially during summer. We have a spare room with ensuite bathroom and it's always ready for visitors.
If people are staying, they're welcome to join us in whatever we do, go their own way or a mixture. Sometimes they eat with us, other times they eat out and at others we all eat out together. We never expect them to pay for our meals but it's nice when they do. Neither do we ever expect payment from our guests.
But ... the couple due to arrive tomorrow for 3 nights have just messaged me and asked me to make sure there's white bread and strawberry jam here for their breakfasts, and a carton of orange juice because she doesn't drink tea or coffee. (There's a supermarket at the end of the road which will be open when they get here so they could pick up their own stuff when they arrive.) Then I got a second message from the male of the pairing asking me to 'please make sure there's a clean throw over the sofa and the cat doesn't sit on it before they arrive' as after the last visit he noticed cat hair on his jeans. I use a pet hair brush daily on the sofa as I know the cat loves to sleep on it. He doesn't sit on any of the other chairs in the house, where the guest could easliy sit but he prefers the sofa.
I feel like suggesting he does his own shopping and brings a clothes brush, or books into one of the many hotels in town. He's getting 3 nights free accommodation and fed for at least 4 meals while he's here and seems to be trying to set out a list of requirements I have to meet.
AIBU to be seriously pissed off and tempted to tell them I'll book a hotel room on their behalf and they're paying for it?
AIBU?
AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?
scarbados · 24/04/2019 13:14
we run an air bnb (fairly new to it admittedly) and we've never had cf behaviour. From paying guests! The worst we've had do far was a man who left his breakfast dishes unwashed. I cannot compete.
Actually it's maybe because they pay they aren't cheeky. A couple of times it's been cleaner on check out 
PS - I have a cat now and had 2 cats in the past - although usually I try to let guests have a clean throw/blanket on their bed I can't guarantee this and if people come to stay who are allergic to guests I usually mention this isn't the best place for them as there's bound to be cat hair somewhere.
But, the guests deal with my cats first, if anyone isn't pleasant or nice to them then they don't get invited back.
Re breakfast stuff - no way do I get extra stuff in for them. I usually drive up to the nearest supermarket on the afternoon/evening/morning they arrive so they can pick up or I can for them there what they'd prefer but otherwise it's my gruel and water for them. 
I've been trained for years though by my mum hosting language students in her house - not any more though - who although she did cater quite well for them - certainly didn't pamper them.
The shower antics - I'd seriously be tempted to either leave a very slippy shower oil over the base (after you've used it of course!) or put a jokey sign in the bathroom - which you can remove afterwards - maybe hang some soap on a rope there. That is seriously cheeky fucker alert - who does that - shags in someone else's shower and noisily at that?! Jeez, when I stay anywhere or when friends stay anywhere (eg with friends, hotels etc are fair game for anything goes sex!) we always have an unwritten rule that no shagging takes place whilst others stay and if so, bloody quietly!
Send them a message back asking them to keep their shower shagging antics to within 15 minutes as you have a water bill to consider.
I'd also have a look at the fuse box and see if there is a way to trip the shower at whim because that could be lots of fun 
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You've had these CFs over 6 times!
Are you a glutton for punishment? You're a free b&b to them, cut them loose!
I’d reply “you do know I’m not running a B&B, right? ” but I see you replied already. Well done for saying no!
7th visit in 3 years? Fuck that.
Next time they ask, say you’re not having people down frequently any more as you never seemed to be alone. So family and CLOSE FRIENDS only, occasionally, now.
Better still if you could say “tbh, last time when you sent your breakfast demands, we realised that people were treating us like a B&B - so we’ve scaled back the visitors”.
In fact - they’ve taken the piss with their one bottle of wine for non drinkers, so I think text now “sorry, need to cancel - something’s come up”. Better still to just say “you know what? Breakfast demand was a pisstake - we’re cancelling you”.
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