To think she shouldn't have stayed away with DD?

[rostronlorn]

DH is working at sea so it's just me and DD 18 months at home. MIL arranged to take DD and her 2 other grandkids (4 and 7) to an adventure farm type place on Easter Saturday for an Easter Egg hunt event. There was also a petting zoo and face painting etc. I originally was going to go along with them but am 5 weeks pregnant and experiencing awful sickness. DD was bored with me unable to take her out so when MIL offered to take her anyway I said yes.

The adventure park is a 2 hours drive away. The reason she chose this and not somewhere nearer is because it is owned and run by her close friend. MIL doesn't drive and got the train. She picked up DD at 9 to catch the 9:30 train. I was told they'd be catching the 5:30 train back and DD would be back at 6. As soon as she picked DD up I went back to bed. Around 5 I get up and everything seems fine, MIO has sent pics etc. Expecting DD back in less than an hour I decide to make a start on our tea. Then about 5:45 I get a frantic text from MIL saying she'd missed the train. It was the last train of the day. She wasn't willing to ask a family member for help and claimed she didn't have any money for a taxi which I found somewhat odd. Despite feeling like shit I offered to go and pick them all up and she insisted she couldn't allow me to do that. I said it was fine etc, it didn't matter because it was my DD and she hung up.

She phones 10 minutes later and says her friend is coming to get her and they will stay the night at hers and come home first thing. I still insisted on getting DD but she said "No. Get some rest. Will have DD back by lunchtime tomorrow." I rang SIL and she seemed fine about what MIL waa doing. I couldn't pick my DD up as I didn't have the friends address. I went to bed thouroghly pissed off because I saw from the photos that DD's clothes got muddy at the farm and I hadn't packed enough nappies for an overnight.

She returns DD at 1pm (she said between 11-12) and acts like it's no big deal. I did make an offhand comment to her that I found it a bit uncomfortable that my toddled spent the night in a house with people I have never met and that I would've been happy to come and collect them all or pay some of the taxi fare for them so they could have come home that night. MIL has been quite funny about it and said she won't be so keen to take DD out in future. AIBU?

I'd be fuming...planned or not she refused to tell you where they were....

You couldn't trust her again....If she wanted to give you a break then why didnt she say so......irrespective she would have lost any of my trust....

You MIL had your DD on Easter Sunday am that would bother me the most. Its a special day and you missed half of it because she 'forgot' the train. Nah it was planned OP from what I can see it's not that MIL did this it's that anyone did this. Don't let her have your DD again hope she's OK.

Yes she shouldn't have lied but the child was safe with her GP, the mothers on here make me cringe at times.

im sure she is a very loving grandma and a lovely woman. However she took a child and refused to let the parent know where the child was. SHE decided it was safe. SHE decided her friends house was safe and the people in it were safe around children. SHE decided to drink wine while caring for 3 small children in a strange house away from their parents. SHE decided everything. Its not her place to. I see that as the issue here.

@macandcheese
You're ridiculous; do you think nobody with 3 kids under 8 ever has a glass of wine?
She is a mother/grandmother I'm sure she didn't take them to a crack den!
So let's see, a GP suggests I'm going to my friends can I take LO? Hold on I'm going to go check the safety of your friends house.
Get a bloody grip.

bookworm unless i knew the friend id say no.

Bookworm she didn't ask if she could have the grandchild. She made the decision to have the child overnight and didn't give the OP any choice.

@nerr
My comment was in reply to macncheese

Oh we’ve been there and out the other side with the grandmother leaving the child to the mercy of child abusers, and the suggestion the police would take all this very seriously.....

I doubt the police would take it very seriously.

And not "abusers" - women rarely sexually abuse children, men however ..

In any case op wasn't given any choice about whether she wanted to expose her child to that risk or not, a man she doesn't know (and has never even met?) with access to her child's bedroom, and granny sleeping soundly due to a couple of glasses of plonk.

I'd like to have the choice personally.

Of course it's a low risk but it's still a risk.

It never happens til it happens; sure your 18 month old couldn't even tell you.

You know those CF mothers who leave their children the a neighbour “while they pop to the shops” and then switch their phones off and come back a week later? Looks like there are some of them on this thread.

What the fuck kind of mother would be ok with somebody taking their 18mo and saying “I’m not coming back until I feel like it, and I’m not telling you where we are, suck it up”? I’d be pissed off if DH did that, let alone anyone else.

im sure she is a very loving grandma and a lovely woman. However she took a child and refused to let the parent know where the child was. SHE decided it was safe. SHE decided her friends house was safe and the people in it were safe around children. SHE decided to drink wine while caring for 3 small children in a strange house away from their parents. SHE decided everything. Its not her place to. I see that as the issue here

Exactly - and all so she could have a jolly with her friends. I don't think she's a lively woman.

• lovely

If you genuinely feel that you would welcome your child being abducted because you are so desperate to have a break from them, you need to go and have a word with your GP about your mental health. Hoping your toddler might go missing is not a normal thing to feel.

Or.
She missed the last train back and made a judgement call about the simplest and safest thing to do.
Ps. It is OK to have a glass of wine while looking after children, you know. The suggestion that she was ratarsed and incapable because there’s a picture on her with a glass of wine in her hand is bizarre.

What the fuck kind of mother would be ok with somebody taking their 18mo and saying “I’m not coming back until I feel like it, and I’m not telling you where we are, suck it up”? I’d be pissed off if DH did that, let alone anyone else

Yes you’re right, most if not all people would be annoyed but that isn’t what happened here.

The MIL told the OP why she didn’t want her to come for them ( I don’t agree that she should have ) and that she’d be back the day after. And this wasn’t just someone it was her grandmother that the OP obviously trusted enough to care for her that she let her take her for the whole day while she slept.

@sashkin

I've been ridiculed for suggesting the 18 month old might've been upset/unsettled by not seeing her mother that night.

it was her grandmother that the OP obviously trusted enough to care for her that she let her take her for the whole day while she slept

Oh well, if it was her grandmother then child abduction is totally fine! Silly me! Why on earth might I want to know where my toddler is or when they are coming back? Because of course MIL didn’t bring her back at 11am as promised either, did she?

And yes morality DS would have screamed the place down without me at 18mo (even with DH, he would be ok for a few hours but definitely would have reached the end of his tether by bedtime. Times when I was away or on night shift were terrible at that age).

Child abduction now? By whom?

Ps. It is OK to have a glass of wine while looking after children, you know. The suggestion that she was ratarsed and incapable because there’s a picture on her with a glass of wine in her hand is bizarre.

Personally I don't drink when I'm responsible for young children. There's no creature on the planet that can get into an accident or get sick with more efficiency than a toddler, I want to have my full faculties about me, I want to be able to drive to a&e/out of hours and not rely on our region's overstretched ambulances. I don't want to deal with an unsettled child during the night with alcohol in me or the next morning, feeling the effects. It doesn't take much.

Not returning someone's child and not telling their parent their location could be classed as abduction i suppose

"She missed the last train back and made a judgement call about the simplest and safest thing to do."

She also wouldn't let Op collect her own child though & surely that's not her decision to make?

Jesus wept! Nobody was abducted!
DD was with her GP.
Yes it wasn't planned but it's not a get the police choppers up case ffs.

It also exacerbates tiredness and I don't know anyone who'd supervise 3 young kids all day on a train and around a petting farm and not be tired.

(alcohol that is).

I'd be absolutely livid and mil wouldn't have my lo again!!