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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake-gate

529 replies

8Wina4 · 23/04/2019 23:59

I work in an office environment, in a team of around 20. Before the Easter weekend, I was chatting in the staff room on a break about how I've recently really got into baking, and one of my colleagues jokingly said that she wouldn't mind if I bought some cake to work for her to try. I promised I'd bring some home made cakes in after Easter.

Fast forward to today. I take in four different homemade cakes. I also took in some little vegan cake bites from Tesco, as we have 2 vegans in the office and I wanted them to be able to eat something nice too (everything I baked had flour/eggs in)

One of the vegans approached me at lunch, and told me that she was really disappointed that I hadn't made the effort to home bake anything vegan, and that I had promised homemade cakes, so I should have provided that for everyone. She said she didn't like the vegan cakes I'd bought from Tesco, and that she was fed up with being left out of team lunches/treats.

I was a bit taken aback, so apologised. But the more I think about it, the more I think she was actually the unreasonable one...

Thoughts?

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 24/04/2019 08:42

But one vegan cake out of 4? Would that really have been so hard?

It’s certainly something you have to go to a lot of effort to do; cake generally means eggs and butter! So - presumably if you’re vegan, cake is one of those things you assume you can’t eat most of the time and that goes with the territory of having made that choice.

frumpety · 24/04/2019 08:43

Homemade cakes and shop bought are not really comparable, are they?

This is so true , anybody with functioning taste buds would far rather I bought than homemade a cake Grin

Yura · 24/04/2019 08:44

@BertrandRussell yes, it would have been hard. because to do a decent vegan cake, you often have to need to practice a bit (my first 2 or 3 attempts sent straight into the bin), and be prepared to invest hours and money to do something you are not interested in. There was cake for the vegans, she just expected special treatment

karala · 24/04/2019 08:45

you didn't make scones? What about people who only like scones?
or eclairs? or doughnuts? or flapjacks?

thoughtless.

DonkeyHohtay · 24/04/2019 08:46

But one vegan cake out of 4? Would that really have been so hard?

But the vegan isn't 25% of the office. There are 2 vegans out of 20 - 10%. One was quite happy with the Tesco shop bought. The other wasn't.

So OP should go out of her way to bake something for 5%? OP says she has no experience in vegan baking and baking is something she does for FUN. Her colleagues get the byproduct of her hobby.

She is not a professional baker cooking to order and catering for halal, kosher, nut allergies, diabetics, coeliacs, vegans, vegetarians...

Catchingbentcoppers · 24/04/2019 08:47

But one vegan cake out of 4? Would that really have been so hard?

Would it really have been so hard to show some basic manners? To just be polite?

I don't expect anyone to cater for my dietary choices and if they did, I would be grateful for it. I hate bad manners.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/04/2019 08:48

Unfortunately some "vegans" are pure attention seekers and you seem to have found one of them. It wasn't about having a suitable treat - which you had actually provided - but expecting a big deal to be made to show how speshul she is

If you had bent the knee and made something vegan, she'd almost certainly have made a huge thing of exactly what you used and how suitable it was, so just be glad you didn't waste the time

Yura · 24/04/2019 08:48

@karala and she probably used caster sugar! what about the diabetics! and the health conscious! there should have been a sugar free alternative! and a gluten free one. and a paleo diet compatible obe!

tinkerbellla · 24/04/2019 08:49

Oh my god some people are so rude! What a cheeky bitch she is!

Veterinari · 24/04/2019 08:53

@Veterinari allergies are not a choice though.
No of course they aren’t but sometimes neither are having very restrictive ethics. For some people life would be much simpler if they didn’t care so much. As someone who tries to make good choices and minimise my impact on the planet, climate and animals I would want to respect and support someone doing the same rather than treat them differently, because I know what that feels like. In the same vein i’d Always try and support anyone with reasonable ethical principles, religious beliefs or whatever. It just seems to me to be the decent thing to do.

I think if OP had just made one cake it wouldn’t be an issue, but she clearly went to an effort to make 4 cakes, which 2 of her colleagues couldn't Eat. Like I said, her colleague was super-rude, but I also think the OP was a bit thoughtless.

Eliza9919 · 24/04/2019 08:53

One of the vegans approached me at lunch, and told me that she was really disappointed that I hadn't made the effort to home bake anything vegan, and that I had promised homemade cakes, so I should have provided that for everyone. She said she didn't like the vegan cakes I'd bought from Tesco, and that she was fed up with being left out of team lunches/treats.

What a cheeky bitch! I'd make a point of only bringing in non vegan stuff then never bring anything again after that.

Waveysnail · 24/04/2019 08:56

We had to cut out eggs and dairy for a while and tbh I never got a vegan cake that tasted quite as good

Teddybear45 · 24/04/2019 08:56

In my office we only ever brought in seperate cakes for the nut allergy sufferer because she was just a kid and we wanted her to have a treat. Vegans / diabetics etc were never catered for and didn’t expect to be either. I strongly suggest you make it clear to her that you thought she was rude; she clearly thinks she can get away with treating you like crap for some reason.

Waveysnail · 24/04/2019 08:56

So yanbu

Sprinkes101 · 24/04/2019 08:59

I'm gluten free and we have treat Fridays in work, put on by HR and not once have they accommodated me. (not just me might I add, 2 other coeliacs).

What you did I would have been 100% grateful for, to even be remembered in the first place! Don't lose sleep.

smartbusiness · 24/04/2019 09:02

Imagine if your office contained vegans, dieters, diabetics, IBS, coeliacs, those with various allergies. How many cakes would you need to bake? Grin

Skittlesandbeer · 24/04/2019 09:03

Wouldn’t matter what you made, you can’t dent some people’s sense of entitlement, or their general grumpiness. Concentrate on the sane, grateful folk in your office.

Treaclesweet · 24/04/2019 09:03

Vegan substitutions are expensive & vegan cake is shit. It's lesser cake. Saying that though I do think you should make a tiny individual vegan cake. For the other vegan.

acatcalledjohn · 24/04/2019 09:06

Of course it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility. And of course she was unforgivably rude. But one vegan cake out of 4? Would that really have been so hard?

Yes, if it's something you've never done. I like to try and test my bakes before I bring them to the office.

And no, I will not waste my money and time trialling and testing something I have no interest in baking or eating, just to appease some entitled CFer.

Have you noticed how a) CFer didn't check beforehand if OP would be making a vegan option and, b) given it's her dietary choice, didn't offer to bake something herself?

But no, the OP should have known to bake one vegan alternative regardless Hmm

Pinkyyy · 24/04/2019 09:07

She sounds like a typical vegan to me.

MumW · 24/04/2019 09:09

In case you ever want to treat your nice vegan colleague, I've used this recipe for one of DD's teachers who is veggie but doesn't eat eggs and it turned out ok.
www.scratchsleeves.co.uk/egg-free-birthday-cake-recipes/

Veterinari · 24/04/2019 09:09

And I also think her comments have come on the back of being consistently left out of ‘team’ events. Which is pretty shit and kind of undermines the whole point of team events. The messaging is pretty clear. I suspect that OPs efforts are just the last straw for someone who is consistently left out

itstheweekend2 · 24/04/2019 09:11

Typical 'superior' vegan/CF combination

acatcalledjohn · 24/04/2019 09:12

And I also think her comments have come on the back of being consistently left out of ‘team’ events.

No, that is down to her own decision to go vegan.

There are no reasonable adjustments a workplace has to make for personal dietary choices.

Come on now. We are talking about home baking FFS. This isn't professional catering!

Ihatesundays · 24/04/2019 09:12

How many free cakes has the vegan provided for the office? None I bet.