To ask what your weird secret behaviour is?

[GunpowderGelatine]

You know, the kind of behaviour only you know about which is unusual, and would make people go but you love doing?

For example, I binge on three different Netflix programmes at any one time in what I call a "3-2-1" sequence, which goes like this:

• I will watch a long series (currently Peep Show) 3 episodes at a time
• then I will watch 2 episodes of a shorter series (Santa Clarita Diet at the mo)
• I'll then watch one episode of a weekly-type series after that (Jane the Virgin season 5 at the moment)
• Then it starts with the 3 episodes again, and so on and so forth

I can't deviate from the 3-2-1 sequence, and if for example I've finished the Santa Clarita Diet episodes but the next episode of Jane the Virgin isn't on until 2 day's time, I'll wait to watch anything more until then. I can't just skip it and watch the next 3 Peep Shows, or the world will probably end or something

I don't know why I do this or when it started, but it works for me

Please make me feel normal and tell me your secret weird behaviour

When I'm eating, I always eat a vegetable before taking a piece of meat. I reckon if the veg are cooked properly, then the meat will be too

I often think about how I could get away with murder. If it was just a random stranger in a dark alley/woods. Who would suspect little old me?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha the Little Chef part was real - a weekend job I had briefly whilst at school. The part where Les Dennis comes in for a fry up and sweeps me off my feet, not so real!

It’s a strangely comforting imaginary life though, and we've had lots of happy times together.

Oh another one I’ve just remembered. When I come across in RL or even just hear about any family with the same number of children and gender order as mine, I always imagine I have some special affinity with them. I have 3 kids, girl, then boy, then girl. So any family with 3 kids in this order, I think I have some sort of weird bond. If it’s someone famous I even feel a little burst of excitement

Completely illogical as in reality I may have nothing in common and in fact a lot of our close friends have only one or two kids.

I have this thing where I'm with a person and almost hear two musical notes that either go up (good) or down (bad).

Often the direction of the notes confuses me as it isn't what I think it would be/want it to be but it's always right in the end.

It makes me feel nuts if I think about it too much as I'm not terribly woo.

NB: it's not that the person is good or bad, it's often just about what they think of me/are they good for me etc. It's hard to explain and I'd love to talk to someone who had similar

findingmyfeet12 A few weeks ago I spent hours trying to think of the best place to dispose of a body if I accidentally killed someone. I had to stop because I got so stressed about the idea that there was nowhere good enough and I would definitely go to prison.

Earlier I was going to the toilet and I looked down to see I'd tucked my dress into my bra. I didn't know I was a Stomach Exposed until this thread.

Exposer*

I've found my people! You're all amazing, this thread has brought me so much joy.

I count in my head constantly. It's not like I'm counting anything in particular and there's no set start or end point, I just have a stream of numbers going round in my head.

I get the intrusive thoughts while driving, about smashing into other cars or driving off bridges. Occasionally, I really want to punch someone I'm speaking to really hard in the face, just to see what they'd do. I believe it's called 'l’appel du vide'? The call of the void?

I have to eat meals in a certain way, and it's always the veg/salad first. Sauces on my plate categorically cannot touch each other.

I check that I have a lifejacket underneath my seat on every single flight. I also count the number of seat backs to the exit.

I'm obsessed with reading mumsnet threads. In my circle that is very wierd indeed, especially as I dont have kids. I dont always comment but I read a lot.

@SandraDea

When I’m alone I pretend I am being filmed for a documentary about how shit my life is sometimes- there are 2 imaginary camera men called Phil and ken and Mary is the interviewer

This is the best thing I've ever read on MN. I love this.

When I'm talking to someone in authority eg boss/ Dr I'm often scared that i will explode - literally, like a bomb. Or possibly deflate from my entire body being an enormous fart. We both look at each other and continue talking as though this isn't happening.

I still suck my thumb

When I'm walking my dogs i note any hollowed out trees as potential ladies' pissours in case i need a shit.

screwy I keep having a recurring dream about killing someone. It’s a bit of a story!! I killed her, disposed of her... in a fancy NT garden!!! And all my dreams afterwards have been me worried someone will find her and I go for walks there to inconspicuously check!!

I even woke thinking I had murdered someone!

Sometimes I get really horrible thoughts in my head - like the worst thing I can possibly think of like "I want DP to die" or "I wish I had cancer" (I do not want either of these things!) then I have to touch my head six times in a very specific way to stop them from happening and "undo" the thoughts

Although to the outside world, this sounds like an outrageous thing, I recognise this very much, and for me at least it's as if saying the most dreadful thing I can possible say to myself will somehow make it never happen. A bit 'reverse psychology' - my antidote tends to be something utterly bazaar like "if I throw this dishcloth over the other side of the kitchen and it lands into the washing up bowl, then everything will be fine"

My other strangeness is having an affinity and feeling sorry for inanimate objects, like my old running shoes that I have to rescue from the garden, because I'm worried they'll be cold and lonely overnight.

And the washing machine that gave up the ghost, and was replaced by a new one. It felt utterly disloyal after all those years of hard labour to let the John Lewis man take it away. I couldn't bear to think what its fate might be

I sometimes fantasise about going up to someone who is eating outside a cafe and punching their chips.

Wow I can relate so much to the people on this thread! And there was me thinking I was a weirdo!

In my head I plan the perfect murder. I’d go after someone who lived in the middle of nowhere, do them over and then watch on the news as the police are baffled as to who did it. I wouldn’t bother to hide the body, I’d want it found so I can watch them all trying to work it out.

I often imagine I wake up one morning and I’m the only person on earth. Nothing seems out of place other than the fact that there are no people. But then I tie myself I knots thinking I’d need a dog and a horse but then, if animals survived ... how would I look after them all??

I imagine that I suddenly develop the gift of invisibility. Would I go off and steal things or just use it to be nosy?

I imagine I’m a contensant on big brother and practice my diary room bitching.

I tuck each hand into the sides of my knickers while laid on my back to go to sleep, I have no idea why but it feels comforting, keeps my arms right by my sides, a bit like being swaddled I suppose?

Yes this is a thing - the being swaddled. You can buy weighted blankets for the effect.

@thighofrelief101

Or possibly deflate from my entire body being an enormous fart. We both look at each other and continue talking as though this isn't happening

Am catching up on this brilliant thread at my desk and am silently heaving in laughter at this

I used to look for spots to hide a body should the need arise.
I found a really good one on a jog once, a stream
Tucked well put the way, you’d not even know it was there unless you were looking for it with a small tunnel running through. I figured I’d stuff the body in there and justness let it decompose - water gets rid of dna evidence anyway.

Then one day I jogged past (months later) and it had all been filled in!! I missed my chance !

Ooh yes, I've often plotted murders and body disposal methods.

That's pretty normal though, surely?

I always open the doors of public toilet cubicles very slowly. Just in case there's someone dead/collapsed inside.

I also look out of the train window and try to remember details of the area, in case I see a dead body and then need to identify the area to the police.

I blink repeatedly at things I like. So if I see two cars parked side by side, for example, I will blink at the one I like the most.

Similar with the letter A. If I walk past Asda, I blink at the letter A and never focus on the D. That's from my GCSE days when an A would be better than a D, obvs.

Never take the top slice of bread from the packet, always the 2nd. Same with biscuits. Anything really.

I plan menus in my head for all different scenarios, my perfect afternoon tea, if Michel Roux Jr came for dinner, we were vegan, if I were on come dine with me, the perfect brunch. Sometimes I try to match a menu to a film. I'm food obsessed!