What you expect to happen if your partner came into money ?

[Inebriatededna]

Background , been together nearly 8 years but don’t live together due to family circumstances . Up until recently partner has had a low paid job so I have paid the lions share when we have been together including holidays , meals out and an event we go to twice a year which costs about 250 a time . I’ve been happy to do this .
My question is that now he has come into a large sum of money ( approx 40, ooo) plus he has had a much better paid job , what if anything would you expect of him .

I'm not thinking you're the grabby one but maybe he's with you for your higher income ...?

I’d expect he had some making up to do for all the years you’ve done the heavy lifting.... is he not offering to treat you ?

This is why I personally would not ever do what you did. He was happy to "share" money when it was all yours! But now he has his own, that's his too. And what can you do about it? Nothing, except dump him but that's not going to give you any of the money back.

When I was dating someone who couldn't afford the holidays I could, I just went without them! Sounds mean but me and my DC have always been my priority.

Being engaged is meaningless unless you’ve set a date to marry and live together.

If you have been spending a lot of money on him (hard to tell from the info provided) that was your choice: it may be that he is unwilling to reciprocate now he has more money.

Your DC are “older”, but there are still opportunity costs of spending your funds on your boyfriend, eg could have instead been spent on your property, helping with study or housing costs, things for yourself, or saved.

I think he’s showing who he is if no offer of A nice holiday or moves toward a wedding have been mentioned. I really can’t understand why you’ve ‘practically supported’ him for 8 years?

I’m gobsmacked at the number of women you hear about “supporting” men or women I wouldn’t entertain supporting anyone but my kids

40k is the sort of amount I'd need to sit and think about how to spend.

A smaller amount might be easier to splurge, and a larger amount easier to have a quick blowout whilst still preserving the majority of the asset. 40k is that middle ground where it would take some thought to really make a big life improvement!

However, on the question of splitting it - my DH and I are very much on the same page in terms of investing in the big things in our life. I'd be surprised and upset if either of us didn't put a significant amount towards our joint future from a windfall.

Supporting him for X years - Do you have emergency savings for yourself & savings for your children.
You & your children, should be your first priority
Wider family, friends, partner
Charity

Yes I would expect him to treat me to as many holidays and days out I'd paid for