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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to insist on swapping rooms?

89 replies

IDontMindAnythingWillDo · 23/04/2019 18:30

I have two DCs - 2 and 6 and I also have a DSD who is 10.

We have a very modest three bedroom semi. The third bedroom is only a single room. Bigger than a box room but you’d never ever fit two beds in it. At the moment both my DCs share this little room. Eldest DC has a two-thirds size single bed and 2 year old is still in a cot. But I really want to move two year old to a toddler bed and there isn’t room. I think DSD should have the smaller room, since she’s only here half the time and the DCs should move to the bigger room. I’ve mentioned it to DH and DSD and the idea went down like a cup of cold sick with both of them.

WIBU to just insist that it’s happening and do it anyway?

OP posts:
Babooshkar · 23/04/2019 18:32

It makes perfect sense on a practical level, but imagine your DH would need to agree it first and be the one to smooth it over with DSD.

Gizlotsmum · 23/04/2019 18:32

Would bunk beds work?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2019 18:32

Personally, I'm in 100% agreement with you. Your DSD isn't there full-time, and even if she were, she can easily fit into the smaller room. The other 2 are sharing and clearly need more space.

Flockingflamingo · 23/04/2019 18:33

Whose house is it, how long have you been together, are they his kids too?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 23/04/2019 18:33

Absolutely! Gosh how daft to have a large bedroom empty half the time and two little ones sharing such a tiny room.

Waveysnail · 23/04/2019 18:35

Has that always been dsd room from before you and her dad got together?

Shoxfordian · 23/04/2019 18:35

How long have you lived together? It makes practical sense though

hidinginthenightgarden · 23/04/2019 18:36

I would give her the option of having the small room or sharing with your eldest.

Soubriquet · 23/04/2019 18:36

Two children sharing a room makes more sense to have a bigger room than one on its own.

Especially since she isn’t here most of the week

ScreamScreamIceCream · 23/04/2019 18:36

What a strange set up.

As soon as the baby went into the cot in that room you should have moved DSD out. Then spent time decorating her room.

Your husband is being strange as your DSD has two bedrooms - does he feel guilty for not having her full-time?

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 23/04/2019 18:36

I think it depends on the history

Assume DSD had the bigger room before the other 2 were even born?

Moving her to the smaller room may cause her to feel very insecure and 'second best'

Could the younger 2 go in bunks for a few years?

Original poster
IDontMindAnythingWillDo · 23/04/2019 18:36

They’re all his kids and it’s both our house. To me it just makes sense but they’re bothered really resistant to the idea and I don’t know how to bring him round without it turning onto a stupid over emotional row.

OP posts:
Justwanttotravel · 23/04/2019 18:37

Do it

Farmerswifey12 · 23/04/2019 18:37

YANBU. Lots of families have bedrooms swaps as more siblings come along. Your DH needs to get on board and explain to her properly, it's what is practical for everyone and she will still have her own space

ScreamScreamIceCream · 23/04/2019 18:37

@shaggedthruhedgebackwards - no the younger two shouldn't go in bunk beds.

They aren't second best.

The one child of the different sex gets the small room as that would be done in families that live together full-time.

Flockingflamingo · 23/04/2019 18:38

Tackle your DH on his own, not with DSD present.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 23/04/2019 18:39

OP is there someone older that your husband listens to? If so get them on-board so they can print out your husband is being ridiculous.

IJustLostTheGame · 23/04/2019 18:39

Yanbu.
I did this with my dsd. She was always told in the future she would have to swap at some point but we would still make the small room lovely for her.
My DH was in complete agreement.
It makes sense to give the sharers the bigger room, and also the person who isn't there as much the smaller one.
It's either that or move the toddler into your room? Or dsd sharing her room?
I imagine neither of those scenarios would go down well either.
Your DC are only going to get bigger.....

Drum2018 · 23/04/2019 18:39

Absolutely DSD gets the smaller room or otherwise she'll have to share with one of the others. Why should she get special treatment - they are all Dh's kids and he doesn't get to favour one over the other. The practical and most sensible solution is for DSD to have the smaller room and the younger ones share.

yearinyearout · 23/04/2019 18:39

Makes perfect sense for her to have the single room if the other two are sharing. Alternatively you could have the 6 year old sharing with dsd. Why not offer her the choice, I suspect she will choose the single room. Maybe give her the chance to choose new decor?

Original poster
IDontMindAnythingWillDo · 23/04/2019 18:39

We moved there after the eldest was born so it wasn’t DSD’s original house or anything.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 23/04/2019 18:39

Well from the step daughters perspective it's going to make her feel a bit left out with the worst room - kids don't often think practicalities. They just think my parents are divorced and my dads giving me a cupboard to live in, who am I Orphan Annie!!!???

You have three other choices:

  1. They all share the largest room (parents get second bedroom, third bedroom for extra storage
  1. They all share the second largest room, third bedroom as some exceptionally cool den with tent/tv/games/telescope
  1. Parents move to third bedroom - they just have a bed in it and use the other rooms for their clothes (2 youngest in biggest, step daughter stays in second bedroom
Goldmandra · 23/04/2019 18:40

You need to come up with a selection of options which include your DSD keeping her bedroom but sharing and having her own room and moving to the smaller one. Then ask your DH to talk to her and help her choose which option she prefers. The status quo simply isn't an option unless your DH is prepared for you and him to move into the boxroom as this is clearly the only other way to do it.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/04/2019 18:40

This is a no brainier. DSD should go into the smaller room. If your DH can’t see this then there must be issues that he should address separately.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 23/04/2019 18:41

If your DSD refuses to move rooms and your husband is still being stubborn then when you get the toddler bed put it in her larger room. I reckon she will happily swap then.