WIBU to insist on swapping rooms?

[IDontMindAnythingWillDo]

I have two DCs - 2 and 6 and I also have a DSD who is 10.

We have a very modest three bedroom semi. The third bedroom is only a single room. Bigger than a box room but you’d never ever fit two beds in it. At the moment both my DCs share this little room. Eldest DC has a two-thirds size single bed and 2 year old is still in a cot. But I really want to move two year old to a toddler bed and there isn’t room. I think DSD should have the smaller room, since she’s only here half the time and the DCs should move to the bigger room. I’ve mentioned it to DH and DSD and the idea went down like a cup of cold sick with both of them.

WIBU to just insist that it’s happening and do it anyway?

YANBU if she lived there full time l would think the current set up is unfair. Only part of the time really isn't reasonable. It's quite selfish and not a fair division of rooms. Plus she's already had a fair go on it

DSD has the small room or shared with the 6-year-old.

She’s being treated no differently then to her sisters, who have had to share for 4 years already.

Bribe with something she wants - a TV in the bedroom etc?

What a strange set up. As soon as the baby went into the cot in that room you should have moved DSD out. Then spent time decorating her room

See I read replies like his and I think ‘of course it’s so obvious’. I don’t know why I’ve let things drift like this for so long. It makes no sense to keep things like this.

There's 2 of them, of course they need the bigger room! YANBU OP although you might have been better served by getting your DH on board before presenting the situation to DSD as a team.

If he won’t agree ( possibly as he feels guilty) then I would offer two choices. One he does agree and agrees dad can choose how to redecorate the room, help him etc, or you will move into the the small room in a single bed and he can sleep on the sofa every single night. Then I would make sure I get up really early, and get the kids up reallyy to play on the sofa with him

I don’t see why a bribe has to be offered. She’s already had more of her fair share as it is. We all have to share, it’s just the way of the world

Yanbu. In a non step family it is often the eldest who gets their own room but it is the smallest room.

Obviously they need the bigger room. It makes no sense did having the biggest room alone. To get her over it, let her get some new bits and choose the paint etc.

I think DSD should have the smaller room, since she’s only here half the time and the DCs should move to the bigger room.

If you phrased it like this, then I can see why it went badly, tbh.

What you need to be saying is the that now the youngest needs a proper bed, the largest bedroom is for sharing, and the smallest is for 1 person - so how do they propose splitting the rooms up?

Don’t couch it in terms of who is there least...

Of course she won't want to move into the smaller room, but that is what needs to happen. The current set up isn't fair at all. I would definitely sweeten the deal by letting her chose the decor for her new smaller room.

Jeez. He is doing her no favours, or his wife, his other children will notice his favoritism.

It’s life, soemtimes you have to accept the obvious choice isn’t necessarily the first choice, he should have thought of that before now.

It doesn’t matter who is “step” or not there all the time - what matters is that there should be two children in the bigger room and one in the smaller.
Your dsd can either move alone to the smaller room or share the big room with one of the others.

Give DSD the option. Either she shares with 6 year old or she has the smaller room to herself.

The toddler can not share the box room, there isn’t room.
two children definitely need to share the bigger room so DSD can either share the bigger bedroom with one of her brothers or she can have the box room to herself,
leave it up to her and dh to decide but move the toddler into the second bedroom immediately because that part is not up for negotiation.

To be fair OP one of my friends' had to point out both my partner's children are the same sex so they can share a room when I was stressing about rooms as we need to move when the baby gets older.

Sometimes it helps to talk to people long before you need to do anything...

I'd give her two choices, She either shares with the 6 year old or goes into the smaller room.

Why would you keep both little dc in a smaller room when they could easily swap? Why is your DH so against swapping?

Hi OP,not you are not bu.
Waste of space leaving it empty.
Definitely explain to dsd,reassure her she is very much part of your family,lived,cherished and wanted.
Say she can redecorate small room to her own taste and it will solely be here always.
Get some paint and wallpaper charts ready to help build her enthusiasm.
If all else fails,I suppose you could suggest she keeps the bigger room...and share it with older dc...that might help change her mind😊
Your dh should support you in this,it is a practical solution,nothing more,nothing less.
Good luck

Yes, it’s not about her being there only half the time. It’s about two dc being in the small room and one in the big room.

I’d tell her she can share the bigger room with her six year old sister or go in the smallest room on her own. And then redecorate both rooms, even if it’s just nominally.

Loved not lived!sorry

You don't say if the youngest are boys or girls?

That would have a bearing too imo.

So 2 boys and a girl. Boys share biggest room.

2 girls and a boy - Dsd stays and her sister moves in with her.

Or option is she moves and other 2 share but she understands in 4 ish years time of yours are boy/girl they separate again and she shares with sister.

Nothing to do with who is where and when. More to do with normal practicalities of sharing a house.

Cross-posted with a million people there! 😂

Your dh and dsd are being ridiculous. The two sharing get the larger room, it’s a no brainier. If dsd wants to stay in the larger room then she will have to share with one of the others. You’re on a hiding to nothing if your dh constantly gives dsd the better option just because he and dsd’s mother have split up. It has to what is best for everyone. He and dsd going to end up with one hell of a lot of resentment from the other siblings in the house as they grow if they are constantly given the short end of the stick. Two kids squashed in to a box room while the other room is empty half the week, never heard anything so stupid.

You need a sweetener...maybe a TV/console in her new room? A later bedtime?

We moved our children around recently. DS1 choose the biggest room when we moved in DS2 the 2nd and DD didn't choose at all as she was only 1! The GPs were getting too old to go to the second floor, so we had to have a move and told DS that it was his turn to have the smaller upstairs room, BUT we did it in conjunction with a decorate and a few other privileges.

If it’s deemed “unfair” for one child to be swapped into the smaller room, then logic says it’s twice as “unfair” to trap two children in there. Extra “unfair” points added for the resident/non-resident element.
I would query what HIS plan is to a) prevent his younger two children from growing physically b) prevent them from growing resentful at blatant favouritism and c) arranging finances to purchase a larger house since this one is clearly unacceptable.