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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my sister is batshit

163 replies

CaptainJaneway12 · 23/04/2019 16:22

Younger sister, good relationship and quite close, not as much over the last couple of years though - she isn't as available with work / life etc.

When I had my daughter she was very excited to be aunt - she overstepped occasionally, calling in unannounced and daily and announcing birth on Facebook before I had chance to tell family... But I let it go as was pleased she was excited. This lasted around 4 months, then she lost interest.

She now sees DD at family gatherings, takes very little interest and has said she does not want children of her own. She never asks after her and seems frustrated with her after a short time. It upsets me as DD loves her aunt and is not naughty, just normal with lots of energy.

Sister is married and they both say that they never want a family and I know this to be true (so it's not down to fertility issues) as I took her to get map once last year and she wants to get sterilised. Despite this I still thought/hoped that she was pleased to be an aunt.

She has 2 dogs that she dotes on and sends me lots of messages/pictures of them (I don't do this with DD as she doesn't seem interested and I do t want to be a baby bore to her) I'm not really a dog person but feign interest and always ask after them and get them little doggy treats/toys if I visit.

Previously with birthdays she has dropped a present over and wished DD happy birthday. This year (5th,) nothing. I messaged her about a week after asking how she was, didn't mention birthday as assumed she had forgotten and didn't want to make her feel bad. She replied she was fine, and asked if DD had a good birthday, so hadn't forgotten. I replied she had and would love to see her aunt. She responded, "well bear in mind I won't have a present for DD, you didn't get -Dog1- or -Dog2- a birthday gift so we won't be doing birthday gifts either."

To be clear, I am very generous at Christmas and birthdays with her and her husband and am aware she has an extra person to buy return gifts for so go a little extra for them. (I have said not to bother buying for me and DH) and I have never done birthday presents for the dogs... Never occurred to me and wouldn't even know when their birthdays are.

DH says sister has lost the plot, I'm inclined to agree. Feel sorry for my DD as her adoration for her aunt obviously isn't reciprocated.

I haven't replied to sister. Don't even know what to say!

OP posts:
outpinked · 23/04/2019 17:25

My Aunt was like this with her dog and everyone thought it was because she couldn’t conceive naturally but even after they had their DD through IVF she was still exactly the same with the dog. My DM still laughs about the time they first visited with my baby cousin, my Uncle was juggling baby and changing bag whilst she carried the dog Grin. When the dog died she had weeks of mourning and still has a framed photo of the dog on the mantelpiece, there’s more photos of her dog than her DD!

Some people are loopy. It could be possible your sister isn’t the one who doesn’t want children though, rather her husband doesn’t and she is jealous of you. I would talk to her about it in person.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/04/2019 17:26

I would just assume she has a very complex relationship with the idea of having children and hasn't resolved it.

I adore my dog (I'm crazy about her) and don't expect anyone to send her anything as that would be very weird.

Hearhere · 23/04/2019 17:28

imo she's jealous that you've progressed further in life than she has, you've attained the status of parent and that give you more 'weight' than her, so she's trying to outrank you by positioning her dogs as child equivalents.

I'd find it hard not to just take the piss out of her though...

Yesicancancan · 23/04/2019 17:28

Awww but you forgot her liddle fur baby birthday !! What a terrible aunt Grin
She is batshit

duckduckgoose2 · 23/04/2019 17:31

I’d send a concerned reply saying this is really out of character and you’re there if she needs to talk - something is clearly going on with her. The behaviour is certainly crazy on the face of it, there’s more to it.

GuineaPiglet345 · 23/04/2019 17:33

Did she throw a party for the dogs? Misses point of thread.......

acomingin · 23/04/2019 17:38

Another vote for "Don't be so bloody ridiculous" and leave it at that.

artemisdubois · 23/04/2019 17:40

Bizarre! I adore dogs and am fairly indifferent to most children, but that's such a crazy and cold way to behave towards a 5 year old niece.

NameChangeNugget · 23/04/2019 17:42

The wheel turns but, the hamster ain’t on it.

YANBU. She sounds crackers

TheClaifeCrier · 23/04/2019 17:43

Has she always been so self absorbed? I'd reply and ask her if the dogs are as hurt as your DD by having a birthday missed.

SaveThePangolin · 23/04/2019 17:43

HearHear imo she's jealous that you've progressed further in life than she has, you've attained the status of parent and that give you more 'weight' than her* This is ridiculous. People who are not parents are in no way lower status than parents.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/04/2019 17:49

Well if it was my sister I could message her with "Dont be so fucking stupid, no one buys presents for dogs! But if you dont want to get DD anything for her birthday I understand, and we wont bother with Xmas presents either". Then dont get anything for her and her husband for Xmas either.

Bringbackthestripes · 23/04/2019 17:49

I would actually reply "Don't be so bloody ridiculous" and leave it at that.

^this. And send her a link to this thread Grin

screamifyouwant · 23/04/2019 17:51

She's comparing your dd to her dog !
I know pets are like part of the family I have a dog , but I wouldn't dream of expecting anyone to buy a present for my dog .
I'm baffled by this Confused
Your right she's batshit Shock

xTinkerhellx · 23/04/2019 17:55

If it were my sister I would reply with 'you're a fucking fruit loop' and plan what to spend the money I'd save on birthday and Christmas gifts for them on.

maddieharrison · 23/04/2019 18:03

She sounds really jealous to me. It's her loss if she doesn't want to celebrate her nieces birthday and have a relationship with her. Children remember birthdays and dogs don't know or care about theirs. Your daughter will remember.

LittlePaintBox · 23/04/2019 18:05

It's her loss if she's got an adoring niece and isn't building on that relationship.

Of course it isn't all about presents, the excitement of a present is that it's something personal that a special person has given to you.

If she really does see your DD as being on the same level as a pet, maybe it's a good thing she doesn't want a family!

M4J4 · 23/04/2019 18:05

Sounds like you've been too generous with sis and BIL.

I would tell sis let's stop doing presents. Don't let her hold you to random, your dd won't care about not getting presents from her aunt.

And I doubt your dd loves her aunt. She's familiar to her, but your sis would have to love dd for dd to lover her.

QueenBeex · 23/04/2019 18:08

she would be taking her frustrations with you out on a 5 year old by punishing her with no presents when she is old enough to understand

^^^ this !!

MissConductUS · 23/04/2019 18:09

I'd ask her if the dogs were terribly upset by the paucity of their birthday presents.

I like to ask DH what he's getting the cats for their birthdays and his standard response is "another year of food, shelter and veterinary care", and he's bonkers for them.

MsTSwift · 23/04/2019 18:10

Bit short sighted of your sister. I work with elderly clients and if they don’t have children of their own they invariably ask nephews and nieces to help manage their affairs/ be appointed their attorneys etc. Dh and I are for my childfree uncle and happy to do so.

lilabet2 · 23/04/2019 18:11

That's so odd!

I love my dog and she gets lots of presents but I'd never expect other people to buy dog toys etc., let alone remember DDog's birthday!

She needs to realise that hurting a little five year old's feelings, is not the same as accidentally forgetting to buy a dog a present!

Original poster
CaptainJaneway12 · 23/04/2019 18:13

Thanks for all the replies.
Glad to see I'm not being unreasonable.
It's sad because sister is the only aunt and when I had DD she was so over excited.
I am sure she doesn't want kids, she has made some remarks in the past, and I think DD made her realise kids aren't accessories or dolls and it put her off.
I still haven't replied, silence is probably best as I don't want a row.

OP posts:
NellieEllie · 23/04/2019 18:15

Are her dogs going to question why they haven’t see you? Or wonder why they didn’t get a card/present on their birthday from you? Is it important to her dogs’s welfare to have good, loving relationships with you?
I have 2 dogs and love them to bits. They are part of the family, but your DS is being crazy.
I can only think that:

  1. She is super mean, and thinking that she gets presents for your DD - or used to, but got nothing back, so present giving is “unequal”. Also barmy. Though I get my DB presents from the kids as well as from me to even stuff out......though I’m paranoid.
  2. The having kids stuff is a touchy subject. Maybe she does want kids, but her partner doesn’t. Maybe there is some unknown reason why she has made the decision but is not happy with it....

Whatever, I’d think I’d say that it’s important to you that your DD has a relationship with her aunt whom she adores. If she doesn’t want to give presents, of course she is not obliged to. I would leave all mention of dogs out of it, on the basis that it is crazy. No one has to justify not giving dogs presents.

MsTSwift · 23/04/2019 18:17

It’s abit rubbish when you feel your kids miss out on the nice family relationships you had as a child because the individuals concerned not the slightest bit interested. In laws like that. They emigrated because “nothing to keep us in England”. Errr your sons and grandchildren?!

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