To ask you to help us with our finances?

[Giraffesarecool]

I'm normally pretty money savvy and have managed to keep us afloat during some very tight times. But I'm just baffled with how much we are spending, and how much our bills come to each month.

Our household bills come to £1700ish a month. Which seems ludicrous! We've just moved to a bigger house but it seemed manageable when I put it all down on paper. I think it is still. We pay for my car on finance, insurance, student loans (not from wages) for £30 pcm, have Amazon prime, Netflix and now TV, justified as we're stuck in the house once DS goes to bed each night. I pay insurance for my job, that isn't taking off at all.

As far as bills go I can't see any give, aside from jacking in nursery and work as that'd free up £220 ISH per month but DS is thriving and loves it there. He squeals withe excitement when we get there! Plus it gives me a break. Of I can get work fab, if not I can catch up with the house.

Our disposable income is the real crazy bit though, we have around £700 disposable which is a hell of a lot better than it has been.

We spend roughly £40/60 fuel for me (my car and being able to go places keeps me sane so not keen to cut down there if possible). Our food shop is around £70 (I used to be able to do it for £40 but it was very stressful and we ate some utter crap sometimes) including all household supplies and toiletries and beer and wine (we like a drink most evenings, although I'm cutting down for financial and health reasons). But DS is costing around £35 a week comfortably for formula, food pouches (he will not eat food I make and blend, but I am now getting him to eat tea with us where possible to save), nappies etc (he's nearly 1). We vape, as former smokers, and enjoy that as a little something for us, but that costs around £100 a month (I keep thinking about quitting but DP won't, but then I think we'll I don't really do anything for me, but I do want to quit by the time DS is old enough to realise it is what it is). We have DSS eow and we try to do cool stuff, but we are pretty pro at keeping it fun but cheap. So that comes to £580 which leaves us £120 for things like a cup of tea out and about, coffee for DP when he's on the road with work, extra bits. But the problem is, we don't have savings. So things like my car needing brakes done next week is worrying me.

I can get our food shop down, and I can get DSs shop down too I think. We have a tiny freezer so I can't really batch cook too much.

I think vaping is going to have to go really. For me anyway.

I could work weekends but we'd have zero family time and if never see DSS. Evenings aren't an option as DP is away a lot and on different days. Obviously days aren't an option as we couldn't afford the childcare. I have wondered about some casual bar work. But DP isn't keen as it feels like our family time is short and precious as it is.

I know we have far more than most, and we're very lucky. I just can't see what else we can do. Can anyone help me be a bit more clever about this money malarkey?

Just a few thoughts as I regularly find money saving options.

Nursery- have you looked into whether you are eligible for the government childcare scheme (80/20) so if you pay 200 into nursery, with the scheme you would pay 150 and government would pay 50. If you are not eligible it may be worth looking how to make yourself eligible.

Baby food - I still buy pouches for my 20 month old as she likes the fruit ones and it's easy when we are out and about. I buy the lidl or aldi ones which are much cheaper.

Also I dont always cook something she will eat (especially as we eat 1.5hours after her dinner time) so i try to freeze what I can, bolognese etc. However I also buy the tray meals own brand from lidl, aldi, sainsburys or asda. My dd loves them and they are full of veg etc. Some are still very soft so great when teeth are still coming in.

Also try to do some soft veg for him to pick at along side the meal, by dd will quite happily eat broccoli or carrots.

Milk -shop around and consider switching brand, my dd wouldn't take to normal milk, as I bf think she prefers it sweeter, I found lidl does c&g the cheapest

Saving on shopping and purchase -this Is where cashback and saving apps come into their own.
Quidco- always check if you can get cashback before you buy, this includes if you find something in a shop, usually you can buy it online and get cashback (check postage costs, click and collect) as long as you can wait a few days for the item.

Quidco also for switching insurance, electricity, broadband. Takes some checking but generally you can switch for lower and also get cashback (I normally get 50-100 a year on my utilities alone)

It may only be 1 or 2% but that also adds up.

Topcashback is the same as quidco and sometimes has better cashback so always worth checking both

App called mysupermarket allows you to check prices for your food and household items, so you can check where things are cheapest before doing your shop.

Greenjimm, clicksnap, checkoutsmart has some great cashbacks on certain items. Always worth checking if it works out as a good deal, you buy the item, scan in the receipt and get the money back. Also works if the item has a yellow sticker. Small wins but build to larger gains especially if its something you buy. I have managed to get branded goods cheaper than own brand at times. (Once got paid for an item!)

Clubcard points, yes it's a way for stores etc to gather additional data, However the points amount to a good amount. Tesco - days out , sainsburys -every year you can double your points just before Christmas, I buy lots of Christmas presents half price. Morrisons -get £5 money off vouchers.

Car - this does seem to be an issue for you and I get it. Like you I never wanted to be without a car. However i gave up my car because we couldn't afford it. I am fortunate that it takes me 30 mins to walk to the city centre and on a bus route. Sometimes have to juggle having the car but we manage.
Perhaps try not using your car for a week or 2 and try alternatives and see how you get on. Maybe park the car at a relatives so you cant use it.

Sorry for the long post but I have been saving money for years so we weren't in a tight position and could afford drink and days out. It's hard but doable

Sorry, I meant it's important to keep an income stream coming in to keep your independence. I know everyone says if they split up their partner will take care of them, but often the reality is very different.

In terms of a bigger flask, they come with a cup on the top, so you drink out of that. I always take one with me when driving long distances. I have the 1.8 litre version and it comes with two cups on top so DH and I can share!

This one, sorry www.amazon.co.uk/Thermos-Mondial-Flask-1-0-Black/dp/B0001MQ86M/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Oooh thanks @petitprince that looks cool.

Agreed, it sounds naive, but he did the same for his ex hi cheated on him 6 weeks after their wedding when DSS was 1. I don't intend on doing anything as horrible, so I would like to think he'd be fair.

Thanks @bringbackbertha

We already but formula from Lidl as it is the cheapest, as well as nappies and wipes.

I have a few store cards I use, just a shame Lidl doesn't have one!

Thanks for the advice with the car, but that won't be going. We can afford it, and I do need it, for my sanity.

Op, we just have Freeview (both not bothered about the tv). Its free! No other suggestion to save money but to batch cook. Make huge vats of meals one weekend and freeze them. It saves money because your not buying frozen food and once you have liads of froozen spag bol/chilli/soap/stew you can just buy in bulk pasta/rice/potatoes to go with all the meals. I think if you can stop the vaping your doing well op.

I have a few store cards I use, just a shame Lidl doesn't have one

Not a shame at all. Lidl is significantly cheaper than the shops that run loyalty schemes, you don't have to divulge your shopping habits or expend the mental energy on remembering to use the cards or the accumulated points, so I would not miss them at all if all shops stopped doing them, and I wouldn't feel I have to use them to not miss out on freebies.

I have no loyalty to any shop as I have just about every supermarket and discount store easily accesible so I just go to which one I am passing or sells something I like or has a good offer on. The quite small extra I get if I ever qualify for anything with points is just a small add on bonus.

Thanks @septembersunshine we would need to invest in a bigger freezer and we don't actually have the space for one at the moment. We eat cheap but healthy, so jacket potatoes, spaghetti and meatballs with veg thrown in, chicken stir fry, sausage casseroles, tuna pasta bakes. All that sort of thing really so each meal is pretty cheap in itself. I've always found that anything I cook then freeze always taste awful once defrosted and reheated. Not sure why. I did a load before DS was born and it was so rank we threw it all away! But it's worth a try. I tend to chop up extra veg and Chuck it in the freezer so that all helps I guess.

I've been to the vape shop today and just bought the eliquid without the nicotine. Despite being on the lowest amount I think I may struggle with this. So if I can kick the nicotine then the habit all should be good. DP is away tomorrow so at least he won't have to deal with a ratty me until Thursday night!

@barbaraofseville it's a good point. Lidl is so much cheaper. It's just odd bits I go to other supermarkets for such as haggis if I'm treating DP, or reblechon cheese for a tartiflette!

Could you get another s/h freezer? Then you could turn it off when not needed ?
Re horses, you should be charging about £20-25 an hour for breaking or schooling horses with issues. There are ads week after week looking for horsesitting services or someone to cover the regular grooms day off etc ! for example we advertised £50 a day for someone to pop in and check our grass kept herd for 4 days while we were away & didn’t get a single reply! A neighbour works away two days a week and can never find reliable cover either (so we do each other’s) so do you have a Facebook page and link into all the local groups? Could you do plaiting or clipping?

Hi @landgirl1 unfortunately round here it's absolutely saturated with people who don't really have a clue. I like to think I do, but I need to compete with what others are charging and bare in mind I have very limited availability.

I'm also far to nice about money. For example I have a woman I do an hour with her troublesome pony then give her daughter half an hour. Once we only did 45 mins with the cheeky pony and so I said oh just call it £15 and now it's stayed at 15. And I haven't the balls to say no you actually owe me so much because she's a really nice lady.

I also struggle with self confidence so whilst I do have a page I need a glass of wine before I can pluck up the courage to post on it (sad I know).

I never see posts like that and I'm on all the local pages. I have advertised on them before but never had any interest. I may try again tonight.

I can't to clipping and my plaiting game is alright but not enough to charge (I did mounted games primarily so never had to plait!)

Start charging her more - say your rates have changed. She must know £15 for 1.5 hours of time is massively taking advantage of you! I pay that for 30 mins of music classes!

I would prioritise keeping the nursery as it is important for you to build your earning potential so that when you son is older/childcare is free you will benefit. But if you can't afford it, he will not suffer at all if you take him out, as babies are designed to be with a primary carer until they are at least 2.

There is a lot of "we deserve these little treats" in your opening post, but actually alcohol every day, vaping and 3 streaming services is more than most people can afford, or would choose over financial security, so I think you are being sensible to cut back on those.

Similarly whether the car is a "necessity" or a "luxury" depends on where you live. I live in a city and though I would really miss my car, it is not a necessity.

I would make sure you have a budget and take cash out for the extras. e.g. if you have worked out that after you have paid all your bills and a portion to savings, that you have e.g. £10 or £20 each a week for coffees, alcohol etc, take it out in cash and then once it is spent, it is spent. Be careful though that you budget has all annual expenditure in it as well as monthly ones eg include a monthly sum for car maintenance based on what you spent last year.

£15 for an hour and a half? That’s not even minimum wage! It should £5 per 15 mins- take it or leave it, the horse world is full of unreliable dreamers, if you can turn up on time and do what you’ve agreed will be done then you’ll be miles ahead. You could also advertise that you’ll hold them for the farrier/dentist/vet as that’s often needed and not usually hard work either! Hunting folk will want help getting horses fit from late July/ August so worth a try too(& they pay well/ nice horses ) you just have to get one person who loves what you do and it will snowball- I’ve always been able to pick up horse work when I’m between jobs this way but you must be reliable!

OP, you need to make sure you're being paid properly. Value yourself and the work you do. I know it's hard, I struggle with low confidence also!

Like PPs have mentioned, Money Saving Expert (MSE) is a brilliant resource, there are dozens of forums with helpful people who've been where you are.
I was going to suggest shopping at Lidl or Aldi, you're already doing that

You can get a perfectly good car for £500, and you’re spending that every 4.5 months! if buy “good” you mean complete shit box that’s going up cost the same again to get through it’s next MOT you’re right.

Not at all. I gave my 2004 120K Ford Focus to my sister 3 years ago, and it has passed another 3 MOTs for her with nothing more than wear and tear (tyres, wiper blades) type repairs. That would cost under £500.

But if you prefer, £1000 on a car would be 9 months of OP’s current £117 a month, and would very likely be cheaper in the long run.

Not at all. I gave my 2004 120K Ford
Focus to my sister 3 years ago, and it has
passed another 3 MOTs for her with $nothing more than wear and tear (tyres,*
wiper blades) type repairs. That would cost under £500.

I run a garage and this is very rare indeed.

It’s pretty naive and unrealistic to say “oh you can get a great car for under £500/1000 pounds”. It’s really down to luck and you need to expect to shell out a decent amount on maintenance and repairs, if you don’t have to then that is very much a blessing.

Similarly I've spend up to a grand on cars and had them die a few weeks later. Then I've bought one for £350 that cost me nothing for a year. It's a minefield.

I wouldn't take DS out of something he enjoys before I gave up daily drinking, takeaway coffees and lunches, an extortionate amount on e liquid and multiple TV subscriptions

I didn’t say a great car - I said a perfectly good car. I don’t disagree that it’s a risk - but it can be a calculated risk. I don’t think the OP ever said how much she was paying in total for her car. I asked if it was lease or finance, but didn’t see any reply to that. My point was that the car was a choice that OP can think about for the future. You might not want to spend £500 or £1000, but when it comes to saving money, depending on how long that £117 a month is for - it might not be the best choice.

@zippybungleandgeorge, agreed. Hence why I'm cutting out those things. Take away coffees and lunches are unfortunately unavoidable as part of DPs job.

@Ellisandra it was around £5000 and we will end up paying £7000 in total for the finance. It's a fab car that is so cheap to run, super safe, and a great little run around. It's in great condition, has a warranty and will be ours once paid off, which we hope to do this winter. I've had plenty of death traps and have no desire to put my son in one, nor fork out hundreds for unexpected bills.

I’m not telling you to put your son in a “death trap” I was only suggesting that it’s worth looking at what you’re actually getting for £117 a month, when you’re looking for places to save money. It sounds like you have the right car for you - great.

I wasn't suggesting you were. The car is a done deal that we can't change. It is a big bill per month, agreed. But we haven't thousands to stump up in one lump sum.