To ask you to help us with our finances?

[Giraffesarecool]

I'm normally pretty money savvy and have managed to keep us afloat during some very tight times. But I'm just baffled with how much we are spending, and how much our bills come to each month.

Our household bills come to £1700ish a month. Which seems ludicrous! We've just moved to a bigger house but it seemed manageable when I put it all down on paper. I think it is still. We pay for my car on finance, insurance, student loans (not from wages) for £30 pcm, have Amazon prime, Netflix and now TV, justified as we're stuck in the house once DS goes to bed each night. I pay insurance for my job, that isn't taking off at all.

As far as bills go I can't see any give, aside from jacking in nursery and work as that'd free up £220 ISH per month but DS is thriving and loves it there. He squeals withe excitement when we get there! Plus it gives me a break. Of I can get work fab, if not I can catch up with the house.

Our disposable income is the real crazy bit though, we have around £700 disposable which is a hell of a lot better than it has been.

We spend roughly £40/60 fuel for me (my car and being able to go places keeps me sane so not keen to cut down there if possible). Our food shop is around £70 (I used to be able to do it for £40 but it was very stressful and we ate some utter crap sometimes) including all household supplies and toiletries and beer and wine (we like a drink most evenings, although I'm cutting down for financial and health reasons). But DS is costing around £35 a week comfortably for formula, food pouches (he will not eat food I make and blend, but I am now getting him to eat tea with us where possible to save), nappies etc (he's nearly 1). We vape, as former smokers, and enjoy that as a little something for us, but that costs around £100 a month (I keep thinking about quitting but DP won't, but then I think we'll I don't really do anything for me, but I do want to quit by the time DS is old enough to realise it is what it is). We have DSS eow and we try to do cool stuff, but we are pretty pro at keeping it fun but cheap. So that comes to £580 which leaves us £120 for things like a cup of tea out and about, coffee for DP when he's on the road with work, extra bits. But the problem is, we don't have savings. So things like my car needing brakes done next week is worrying me.

I can get our food shop down, and I can get DSs shop down too I think. We have a tiny freezer so I can't really batch cook too much.

I think vaping is going to have to go really. For me anyway.

I could work weekends but we'd have zero family time and if never see DSS. Evenings aren't an option as DP is away a lot and on different days. Obviously days aren't an option as we couldn't afford the childcare. I have wondered about some casual bar work. But DP isn't keen as it feels like our family time is short and precious as it is.

I know we have far more than most, and we're very lucky. I just can't see what else we can do. Can anyone help me be a bit more clever about this money malarkey?

@thanksdriver if you read the full thread you'll see I am.

@barbaraofseville our rent is £695pcm, council tax £177, energy £93, water £20.59 and WiFi £30

@lost5stone that's reassuring. I'm trying to find more baby groups as it is. Just seen a massive improvement in his confidence and social skills since starting so whilst it can go that will be the last thing. But that could be spent on some awesome family days out that would be equally as fun for him

I’m only commenting on how your first post comes across and if you read it back yourself you’ll agree. Good news if you’re open to changing that though.

giraffe I took my DD at of nursery at 2 and was worried her social skills would suffer but kids just find friends anywhere. We can nip to the park and she will start running around with other kids. In fact I'd say shes more confident now than at nursery. I know you say it's the last thing to go but I really think that money is better spent on family days out like you say.

Family days out can be expensive. I would be reluctant too to give up the nursery and your job, would try and make it at least break even. And work more then when he gets free nursery hours. Hobbies can be very expensive and so can having lots of free time.

Like PP said...at 1, you can drop the formula. Even now he should be eating mostly what you are, watch the salt content in some foods. No need for pouches or purees.

@thanksdriver, sorry, you're right. My first post does come off a bit dickish. I'm definitely open to changing things.

That's really reassuring to know @Lost5stone. I am wondering whether that is a good idea. But then as @fr3d said, being in all day can be expensive. Saying that we tend to go and do free stuff, so walks, visit family, activities at home and run errands etc.

ivy cycling with a baby?!

Thanks you @RosAwaiting! I was wondering if I was being really selfish for having a car but how tf am I supposed to go anywhere or do anything without one. In all the years I've driven the one thing I've always made sure I (preDS) is having a car. For independence and sanity.

You have a lot of disposable income - you’re stressed about paying for car maintenance costs but are buying alcohol, vaping & paying for multiple entertainment subscriptions. None of these things are bad but I think it would help you to start an excel spreadsheet & keep track of every penny in and out - you’ll soon see where you can save. Some say cut vaping but you might prefer to cut subscriptions or coffees out - it’s up to you what your priorities are but at the moment you’re paying for everything you enjoy & like every month so if you start tracking it all you can work out how much you need & want to cut & where

I’ve just seen you’re a stay at home parent but paying for nursery? This seems a no brainer surely?

OP how old is your DS in months?

I have a 10 month old DS who is super social and confident, but I can't see why he would need nursery unless it was for me working - he's just as confident and social at the free mommy and me play groups and baby drop ins we go to. It's absolutely understandable if you say you need nursery for a break for yourself but most kids can find all the social interaction they need through free groups or meet ups while being with you.

Personally, I'd drop the nursery for now until he's a bit older like eighteen months. That, coupled with the reduction in food pouches and eventually switching from formula to cow's milk could save you a bunch over the next 8-10 months depending on his age. Coupled with any reduction in vaping and alcohol, you'd be set. Once you've padded up your savings, you could put him back in with no real loss. Maybe if it's just a short term solution you wouldn't be so opposed to it?

I'm a single mum with a decent income. We have enough for £1000-£1,500 a month savings thankfully but even so I choose to cloth diaper and feed DS what I'm having and to skip paid nursery for now as I want to pad my savings just in case my circumstances ever change. The not knowing if a huge financial hit is around the unseen corner makes me nervous.

@bumblebeesmum I work when he's in nursery, he's only in two afternoons a week, so 9 hours. I do freelance horse stuff but it sometimes a bit quiet so not breaking even.

Ah I misunderstood. If you’re not desperate / can take a bit of time then I really think a spreadsheet for a couple of months would help you decide what & how much to cut.

@Rtmhwales, he's literally 2 weeks off being 1. How soon can I start switching to cow's milk? Do I have to put him slowly onto it, or can I just switch overnight? Sorry, ftm and a bit nervous about getting it all wrong.

The pouches are stopping as of today. He'll have his usual porridge and fruit for breakfast then something for lunch then whatever we're eating for tea.

Nursery is dividing me. And the consensus seems divided in my responses. I think I'll feel awful taking him out, but maybe it is for the best as a temporary solution. The aim was to build him up slowly to being in 4 days by the time he's almost in school so it's not a huge hit. It's just so bloody expensive, and I don't know if we'll be entitled to the funding for hours when he's 2/3.

I really want that cushion. We've been in the situation of literally watching every single penny and only just making it until pay day, so it feels nice to now be able to relax a bit. But it seems we can't afford to without making some changes.

To the PP who said about coffees etc, that's mainly for DP when he's travelling with work. They stopped paying for lunches and coffees when out the office last year and honestly, if DP is out the office a lot it costs a small fortune. He'd go all day without eating to save some money (can't exactly make sandwiches in a hotel room). We've I vested in some damn good flasks but when he's driving 10 hours in a day it's understandable he'll need more than just the one coffee. It can honestly mount up to £50/60 a month.

Where's he buying his coffee? Greggs and McDonald's are about half the price of Costa, Starbucks etc, and just as nice, some say nicer.

I pay over £1800 a month in bills with no nursery fees, car payment or student loans! It's expensive these days especially if you have a larger mortgage. I'm trying to work out how I can pay everything on my own at the moment as I do not earn that amount.

But the comments regarding this whole we deserve shit is ridiculous.

My partners works incredibly hard, helps around the house and does nothing for himself. So who am I to say he can't spend his money in these things when he does nothing or spends nothing on himself.

But you said that they were Things Just For You, like nursery means you can catch up on housework or have some time just for you.

Doesn’t your husband’s work pay for his hotel meals?

I would keep nursery because it sounds like it is helpful

It’s the frivolous spends you need to cut back on vaping, alcohol, coffee etc and your DP needs to be on board he is spending more than he has

@BarbaraofSeville it depends. He uses his own flask do gets discounts, but will go Gregg's/McDonald's etc.

@Flaverings I don't recall at any point saying nursery was just for me. They pay for evening meals and a few drinks. No coffee, no breakfasts or lunches.

@Quartz2208 agreed. He is aware but only seems to be able to do spending nothing or spending like a kid in a candy shop.

I'd keep nursery too, and look at building your business gradually - could you offer lessons in the evenings or weekends too? Building a career is important and as you refer to DP not DH it is vital you keep some independent money.
Are you registered as self employed? Can you deduct your insurance and car costs from tax you would pay?
By the time your child turns 3 if you can earn £130 a week you should be eligible for the 30 free hours.

Oh and if your partner cant spend moderately it would be better if he spent nothing and got a bigger flask.

@petitprince I could, and I'm going to start offering weekends, however evenings are tricky. Perhaps now the days are getting longer I could, but DP is away most weeks on different days and home late some evenings, we only know a week in advance. I could try, but I think not being able to say to someone yes I can do every Tuesday evening would put people off.

He's doing better, and a massive flask isn't exactly practical for drinking out of on the road without stops.

I can't keep money for myself. I don't earn enough. He's support me through pregnancy not working working, is paying for my car. I'd say itd be a dick move to then say actually, I know we're draining your money to live but this money is for me as a safety net if you leave me. We're engaged, hoping to marry next year. And without sounding naive we're a pretty solid, happy, open and honest unit. If we split he'd support me, for DS. Until I could get on my own two feet.

How are you spending £100 a month on vaping?

I vape £4 a week for bottle of fluid and £4 every other week for replacement coil

As explained previously, you must be on a 50/50 juice and using a very small pencil type mod.

We use big mods and I need high VG juice. The cheapest I can get is £20. I tried a £15 one which burnt coils out so quickly it was more expensive to keep replacing the coils.

This month I'll be buying my usual eliquid without nicotine, then after that, none at all. So that should bring the cost down. Also, if they bring this new law in to ban vaping whilst driving, DP will use a hell of a lot less.